3 yr old crawls into my bed every night - I want him out!!

[bridgeandbow]

Backstory is this:

He is 3.1 yrs. Slept all night in his own bed fine until about 10 months ago - was prone to being found out of his bed asleep on the floor, hall etc every other night though.

He had mild/ moderate sleep apnea, terrible snorer - got tonsil/ adds out at end of Feb. Doesn't snore anymore so don't think that is what is causing it.

Basically every night between 12 and 3am he wakes up and comes into our bed. We have a superking so he has worked he can come in from the bottom unobserved. Most nights we don't notice him until he starts wriggling from 6am onwards.

Even if I do wake when he comes in, now he doesn't snore, I just can't be bothered with the horror show that results when he is put back in his own bed.

As well as the night waking, we still frequently find him out of his bed asleep in the earlier evening, last night he was asleep on the floor of his room at 11pm, the night before he was asleep hard against the stairgate in the landing!

I think that waking at night is a habit now - he is often really grumpy during the day and still sometimes has a day time nap if he can.

I think we should try one of us sleeping on a mattress on his floor and gradually move out. DH has poo pooed this though (but he sleeps through the night wakings!). We are fed up being woken at dawn by a wriggling child and I need to sort this out now.

Any tips very gratefully received!

My ds1 was exactly the same. He had sleep apnoea too, had his tonsilis and adenoids removed just after he turned 3. This stopped the horrendous snoring and breathing issues.
Ds1 still tries to get into bed most nights but we just say (whilst still half asleep) "go back to bed" and he goes. Before that we'd just get up and put him to bed and put up with the screaming.

personally, I agree with your dh. It will be a nightmare to sleep in his room and may take a very long time to get out.
I'm very lucky to still be in bed at 6am but know this will also pass.

Have you tried a stair gate across his bedroom door. My DS used to do this all the time and I think it was semi sleep walking. The stair gate used to be just enough to stop him. A few times I found him asleep curled up next to it and then he would get back in to bed. It did involve a few night of going to him when he called out but trying the gently steering him back without eye contact soon solved that.

No, don't start sleeping in his room, you are only substituting one habit for another!

As you don't want to deal with putting him back to bed you really only have two choice - or combine them! Carrot and/or stick. Carrot - reward chart (sticker for every night he doesn't get into your bed, treat at the end)/favourite thing for breakfast/sweets/extra bed time story the next day/trip to the park... whatever! or stick none of the above, not going somewhere or doing something he likes etc

But first of all you have to tell him that he's a big boy now and has to stay in his own bed at night, that he's waking you up and it's making you tired and you wont put up with it anymore. He's well old enough to understand that.

Frankly the speedy return to bed, no 'reward' (speaking, cuddling, eye contact) works faster, but if you aren't prepared to do it then you have to take the slow route.

DS did this around the same age. Normal behaviour IMO and doesn't need any intervention. It'll end on it's own, honestly

But if the wriggling is really bothering you why not just put a mattress on the floor and tell him he can sleep there when he comes in in the middle of the night? That way he still gets the comfort of being close to you, but you don't get kicked every morning

I do think that he is still half asleep, he comes into our room with his eyes practically shut - that is why we have the stair gate across the stairs - I am terrified he stumbles down during his night time wanders.

We are in a rented house, so I don't really want to fit another stairgate. Maybe we could buy a travel one.

What about a star chart? I tried a few weeks ago but didn't really have much success?

It is looking like I am going to have to have the night time battles isn't it!

sorry x post.

I am think I am prepared to do the back to bed for a few nights. The problem is on the nights that I have done it he just comes back in later in the night and I can't face doing it all over again.

I knew there was no easy answer to this one!

May not be the best solution but I had this with my ds (nearly 3 yrs) and I just bribed him out of doing it, chose a toy that he really wanted to have (thomas tank engine and track but any could work if it motivates them enough?), he looked at it on the pc and was really keen to buy it so made a deal with him if you stay in your bed all night and stop coming in our bed, then you can have it. First few nights he was coming in from habit then in the morning he realised he missed his chance to get his toy, he was a bit upset with himself so kept trying with it and eventually he managed to stay in his bed and earn the toy, he was really pleased with himself that he had earned it and he so far is still not coming back in our bed, it just seemed to break the habit as he had fallen in the habit of coming in every single night just as a matter of course

When DD did this I used to wake every time, so persevered with putting her back in her own bed every time. However your DS has found a way round waking you until it's too late! I'd go with a stairgate on his door until he is out of the habit. Surely you can get one that is spring loaded and doesn't require 'fitting'?

I don't have any solutions but just wanted to say we have the same problem. DD is 3.4 and has been doing this on and off since he went into a bed at the age of 2. Since then we've had another baby and they now share a room so I'm now worried about waking her in the night. It got to the stage where he was only coming through about once a week but for about a month now it has been every single night.

The problem I have is that my DH works 5 nights in a row every other week and it really isn't such a problem when I'm in the bed by myself. I don't even notice he's there. But, like you have mentioned, he starts wriggling from about 6am and it is a nightmare. I can't turf him out in the night as I don't wake up.

Sticker charts haven't worked for us - he's not really bothered. He has chocolate cereal on the nights he stays in his own bed but the box is rarely opened. We have rewarded him and taken things away but nothing works. I don't think he knows he's doing it. I tried a stairgate many moons ago but he just flung himself over it and I think at the age of 3 they can probably open them anyway.

Good luck! Sorry if I sound despondent, I'm just looking for some more helpful ideas!

Well, same old story last night...

found him at 10.30pm asleep on the floor underneath his bed. He came in at 2.30am and we all woke up. DH (bless him!) took DS back to bed, stood at the door but within 2 mins of him leaving DS was back again. Put him back to bed and the same again. I then put him back to bed and stayed in his room for 5-10 mins but the minute I left he was back through again.

I was done, so made him a bed of cushions on the floor beside our bed. He was quite happy to go to sleep there (which surprised me) and he slept quite happily until 7am.

So is this a step in the right direction? I'm not too sure, I think I am just replacing one behaviour for another - at least he doesn't kick us this way though!

LOL

I guess it depends how much you want it to stop and if you mind having another 'bed' in your room. Frankly, I'd want it to stop and I wouldn't want another bed in my room!

I would just accept I might not get much sleep for 3 or 4 nights, but after that it would be sorted! Short term pain, long term gain.

How about the carrot & stick options?