how do i deal with this?

[BooyHoo]

ok, so this happened yesterday and i was ready to post then for advice until i read a similar thread and some very frightening responses. but i have slept on it and i still feel i need some guidance.

ds (5) is best friends with my neighbour's (and good friend) DD (5). they both occasionally play together in another neighbour's garden with another little boy (also 5) as neither of us have gardens, the children seem to gravitate towards this other house and i am on friendly terms with the other little boy's mother.

mother of the little girl came to me yesterday and said that her DD told her DS asked her to take her pants down and he sat on her bum while they were on the trampoline at the other boy's garden. neighbour's DD told Ds she didn't want to do it. the other boy was present. neighbour told me it had happened a few days earlier and that she had been keeping her DD in since she was told. so i apologised to her and told her i would talk to ds and make sure he knew it was wrong and he wasn't to ever do that. neighbour said she was sure it was just 5 year olds being curious but that her DD was upset so she felt she had to speak to me. i totally agreed with her, i would prefer to know it happened so i can deal with it.

so i called EXP and we both talked to DS together. i told him that neighbour's DD was upset and said that something happened on the trampoline and could her remember anything upsetting her. he seemed very confused and said he didn't know why she would be upset so i asked him if anyone had taken their pants off while on trampoline. he said they all had and that it was a game suggested by the other little boy. i asked him what they had to do in the 'game' and he said that they had to sit on each other with no pants on. i asked who he sat on and he said he sat on the other boy. i asked who sat on him and he said that both the other boy and the little girl sat on his head. i asked him who sat on the girl and he said no-one did she wouldn't let them saying "no way, nobodies sitting on me". and he says that was the end of the game.

we have told ds that if anybody suggests a game like that again he is to say no and come home and tell me and that he shouldn't ask anyone to take their clothes off or do anything they dont want to do.

what i need help with is speaking to my neighbour. i am not naive enough to think that i have gotten the full story from my ds but as it stands what he has told me, doesn't match with what his friend has told her mum. EXP has suggested that myself and my neighbour speak to both children together to try and find out what happened. i think I/we should also speak to the mother of the other little boy to let her know it has happened. my worry is that my neighbour may feel i am accusing her DD of lying. i really dont know how best to deal with this so would appreciate some advice. thanks in advance.

Ok, don't like to leave this unanswered. Firstly, I think some of the other threads were about much older children, which makes it a bit different. Adults, as well as children often have a different memory of what went on in an event, and increasingly people are becoming aware that Witness Testimony is not as reliable as was once thought, so children are going to struggle with this too. I think all the children have been made aware that this was Inappropriate, and I think IMHO, that it is possible that this could be blown out of proportion a little. Maybe have a little word with the other child's mother, who does not know about this(?) and tell the girl's mother that you have had a word, and don't believe it will happen again.

thank you sloggies. yes i had wondered if we were making too much of it. if perhaps i should simply tell the girl's mum that ds has been spoken to and it wont happen again. EXP suggested we have the chat with the dcs. he is worried that ds will be getting the blame for something that may not have happened as stated amongst the other mum's circle of friends. the other mother is unaware that anything happened as far as i can tell. the girl's mum made no indication that she was going to speak to her, i think because according to her DD it was only my ds that was involved.

You will probably not be able to control what is said out of your hearing, but it does sound like the other mother is being quite sensible, so less likely to stir things up. You risk making the kids feel more guilty by trying to counteract this, I think. By all means have a word with other mother, and hopefully that will be the end of it (IMHO).

yes, i see what you mean. as far as ds is concerned it is past history so speaking to them both again would make it a big issue for them. i think i will just tell the other mum that i spoke to ds, he confirmed it was a game all 3 of them were playing and that he knows it isn't appropriate.

Hope it goes ok for you.

It's a difficult situation really. Could you not talk to the girls mum and say that it seems that they were all involved with taking their pants off and sitting on each other and leave it at that.

Explain that you have talked to DS and made it clear that he is not to repeat this game but you too are certain it was just a case of 5 year olds being daft.

thank you, and thank you for talking this through with me.

ops, xpost skiptotheend.

yes, i think that is what i will say to her. that all 3 of them were playing the game.

x post! Good luck :)