I think ds is a bit too forthright & outspoken with adults... anyone have a child like this?!

[Mandy03]

My son is 5.3 yrs old. He's my only child but he has older half-siblings who don't live with us, so it's only the three of us living at home (dh & I and ds). Since a very young toddler he has been independent and determined to do his own thing, which is pretty challenging at times. He has a lovely nature though, always smiling and happy and very personable & sociable. He easily seeks out other children to play with even if he doesn't know them, which is very handy for an only child.. it would be awful for him if he was shy and timid I suppose.

My only problem is that sometimes I'm concerned with how 'comfortable' he feels with adults. At times he almost seems to regard adults as his peers, IYKWIM? He goes to school and I do try to get him together with his friends and cousins as often as possible, so he has lots of contact with children too, but he seems to regard adults as quite similar to himself and I'm not sure if this is just his personality or something else. The other day we were at a big family function. The children's food was placed on one table and the adults served themselves from another table. My cousin's husband (in his late 40's) jokingly came up and started taking some of the kids' food. None of the other kids said anything to him, but ds said very matter-of-factly, "This is the kids' food. Your food is over there at the adults' table." My cousin's dh didn't take much notice at first but ds told him again in no uncertain terms that he shouldn't touch the kids' food. I got a bit embarrassed at this point and told ds to pipe down, but the dh looked at me with total bemusement & said "HOW OLD is he??" I said 'five' and he said, Oh boy, he really tells you how it is, doesn't he'. We do discipline him consistently and we try to teach him how to talk to people/treat people, but I'm just concerned at this level of ease & confidence he seems to have with adults. I don't know whether other people see similar traits in their own children and whether it's even something to be concerned about, but I would really like to hear if this sounds familiar to anyone and what I should do about it. Thanks...

I was like this and needed regular (kind but firm) squashing as tended to (obliviously) get above myself. Don't think it's necessarily a bad thing at all- he is the equal of anyone, adult or child and it's great that he knows this. I think I had a relatively strong sense of justice from an early age and that tied in with a blurred notion that I was not inferior to adults just because I happened to be a child. My sons seem to have this a bit too and within certain (respectfulish) bounds i like it. But you need to keep an eye on it because people can and will think it's obnoxious if it shows itself in bossiness, especially if he unintentionally has a bit of an imperious tone on occasion, so I think you're handling it very wisely in teaching him how to talk to and treat people.

Hi Mandy - this sounds exactly like my DD (5.5)also only child and also always taught how to treat/talk to people and disciplined consisently (well most of the time anyway). Like your DS she will seek out children to chat to and will happily chat to adults - I see this as a good thing/. Your DS sounds lovely and I don't think you should worry at all.

HTH

in the situation you describe, your ds was totally in the right! he wasn't being obnoxious, just pointing out it was the kids' food... and i don't like it when adults do that kind of thing to wind kids up deliberately and won't stop. your ds has a natural sense of justice and he's articulate - as long as he's not too bossy or arrogant, i think that's great.

My ds is nearly 4 and he also has a tendency to say exactly what he means, eg at a relative's house one day he said, "I'm getting bored let's go home now". He is a mixture of confidence and shyness which can come across as rudeness as he is very precise and articulate in conversation but he does sometimes ignore people who try to talk to him.

From what you describe, I wouldn't worry at all about your ds, even if what he said may have been interpreted as rudeness he was stating a fact and I just don't think grown-ups should take offence at things that children say. BTW he sounds really intelligent to me and honestly I would be more concerned for a child who lacked confidence.

I think he understood it was a joke but at the same time, he was adamant that the kids food was only to be eaten by the kids. So he did smile once or twice when my cousins dh was doing this, but I could see that he didn't particularly like it either. If it had gone on any further ds might've gotten a bit upset about it. I can understand that he didn't think it was right of this man to take the food, but I just think in a lot of situations like this, other kids would let it go and not say anything but ds usually manages to put his 2 cents in, so to speak. (say what he thinks).

So basically he knew it was a bit of a joke but didn't really appreciate it. I just wish he could keep quiet sometimes & not react to things like this, like the other kids. Maybe he's a bit of a control freak He can be a little bit bossy but at the same time I've seen him be very easy going about things... I think it just depends what really matters to him. Hopefully he'll learn with age that some things are appropriate to say to adults and other things aren't.

I'm with laligo.

He may be only 5, but he was right. My 6 yo dd would probably have said the same thing!

If I were you, I'd be careful about 'squashing' him too much. I still remember an incident from my childhood where my parents told me off for 'showing off' (at my party) and it had a huge effect on my confidence for years. As you can see, it still rankles.

I don't think this is a problem at all. He seems straight-forward and sensible. He's not being rude to adults. He's expressing his opinions clearly and politely.

And in the long run, he'll be an adult, too, so why fuss about this?

Hmm. Think on reflection "squashing" wasn't at all the right way of putting it in my original post. Sorry, Mandy. I do agree with Avalon that crushing your boy's spirit is definitely to be avoided. I just think it's important to keep balancing the scales of bolstering his self esteem on the one hand and helping him learn how people might react to being told what to do by a 5 year old on the other. It is a balancing act, I think.

I have one of those type of boys as well. Recently my dp was in a tiz as we were late for something and was very abrupt with ds. Ds said to dp 'that's no way to talk to a child'. he was right.

Recently when asked why did you do x he said 'I was feeling mischivious'. He also explains that he did x cos he wanted attention. He was 6 last Wed. I actually admire his logic and good sense.

I think he sounds great - sensible, articulate with a sense of justice - able to see the joke, but also to recognise when it's not really that funny (adults taking the piss out of children winds me up!). Lovely boy!

he sounds a clever boy and at that stage in childhood when rules and regulations are paramount!

I remember my dd being very concerned with rules.They soon grow more socially aware and know when to keep there opinions to themselves .I don't see a problem with him saying what he did.He sounds very confident..you should be proud!

he sounds fair to me. The bloke was behaving like an attention seeking toddler. Pinching food he knows he shouldn't, just to get a reaction.

Your son probably recognised that unacceptable behavior needs to be challanged. I think that's a good thing.

I think the word you are all lookign for is that he needs to be n more respectful.
eys he may have been right but he needs ot knwo i he is a kid and adults ar e in charge

ks think the comment to the bloke was quite a normal one!

oh come on coldy, if he ssaid that ats hcool hed get a right tellign off.

He wasn't at school though. And teachers don't pinch food off the kids' plates. The bloke was mildly out of order, and got a mild rebuke.

My son is 4, and grew up for the 1st 3years on his own untill his brother was born - in which he tells him off like me and dp do and anyone else that does wrong in his eyes he will also tell them off!
Mandy your son was just stating the obvious!
He shouldnt have been taking food from the kids table.
If it was a kid taking food from the adult table, would you not have said to him "the kids food is over there, this is for the adults"!
I think my ds would do the same.
My son was on about the stars the other day,and kept asking me can you see that star up there mummy"?
In which i couldnt so (obviously and stupidly) asked no where is it?
In the sky mummy!
Now how much of a stupid q was that of me to ask a 4year old!???
It is just kids being kids, and (although sometimes they do say things to make you think you really need the earth to open up and swollow you!)if they didnt do things like that then yes worry.
I think your son sounds lovely.
Leave him carry on being "playful".
Sorry i think i came over a bit serious - i mean this thread to be nice, so sorry if it comes across different!

I'm with those who think your ds was right and that the man was out of order. Why should the adults' food be out of bounds to the kids (unless they ask and are permitted) but not vice versa?

I was like this as a child

some people thought I was great and brainy, a large number thought I was obnoxious and brattish. I did need 'taking down a peg' occassionally .

He'll grow into himself eventually!

Under the age of six kids are still very self centred, you may find it easier to teach him when things are appropriate etc as he gets a little bit older. At five they have little concept of how others percieve them. Be very diplomatic about explaining what is cheeky etc . Some kids are just more comfortable talking to adults than others.

I am with your son also.

We give them rules and parameters and then an adult comes along and flouts them, really annoying IMO.

Mandy your son sounds great! It's good to be confident enough to speak up in those circumstances.
To steer the subject slightly, and your son at this age in no way comes into this bracket...I do feel somewhat uncomfortable when slightly older children, say 8 and upward, talk to you as if they are just on your level. Sometimes their social skills and tact aren't up to the same level as their confidence, and, well, maybe it's just me but I don't find it attractive. For example some of ds2's friends (9-11 age group) are disconcertingly direct at times. My 12yo neice recently embroiled me in her "opinion" that being a sahm mum was "boring" and how she wouldn't be going down that route. What do you do? Engage her in the dbate as if she is an adult, (bloody cheek if an adult talked to you so bluntly, surely, and reply to her accordingly)or tell her to wait until she's a mum herself before coming to such definite conclusions?

agree still true wiht you
think iof hey have an opinion they need to have manners.

enid am SURE you were a brat

I say fair play to your DS ! And the chap he said it to only responded that way because he was caught out - I think you should have stuck up for your son, but I can understand that this man was being rude & intimidating - what a cheek !

You sound like you're doing a great job & he sounds like a lovely boy