where the hell am i going wrong? HELP PLEASE?

[boilingpoint]

I am really hoping someone can help me on this!

My DD is 13 months (just) she has always seemed very bright and alert from birth, just lately things have been getting really really difficult with her;

• she is throwing the most awful paddys - holding her breath going blue and passing out, this happens about 3 times in an hour over the smallest of things like if i take something off her she is not supposed to have she goes into total meltdown! i try to ignore them but she gets so worked up

-when given food she will have about 5 mouthfulls and decide she doesnt want any more - i have tried finger foods, and feeding her myself have tried all different variations of food but she just wont have it!

• all she seems to do is whine, and make this horrible whingy noise for no reason!
• she has always been a good sleeper but just lately she is waking up at all hours and then is tired all day so i try to give her naps as much as possible but she still seems to be tired!

-we cant seem to go out for the day anymore as she just crys and throws paddies no matter what.

I have spoken to my health visitor who says this is the behaviour of a 2/3 year old and there is not much i can do as she doesnt under stand things like the naughty step etc etc; surely someone else has experience with this?

first, don't be blaming yourself, these things happen! To me, it sounds as if your daughter is quite bright but because she is so little she can't express herself properly and is getting frustrated. I'm a bit rubbish though so I can't give much in the way of advice on this sorry. With regard though to her waking up at all hours and being tired all day, my oldest boy started doing this recently, well, since the clocks went back (or forward, whatever they did!) and the extra light in the morning and birds singing outside his room was waking him up early. I got a blackout blind and that really helped, I had to wake him up and 9.15 this morning! There's not an awful lot you can do about the birds though! You're obviously a good mummy coz you're worrying about your child and seeking answers so don't blame yourself and sorry I can't be much more help xx

Wow sounds like you are having a rough ride! Not reacting to the tantrums is perfect, keep at it she will give up eventuallyand breathing will ALWAYS return even if she makes herself pass out. Why not try and work o. One thing at a time eg eating, just put 5 mouthfuls in front of her, when she says enough just take the plate away and don't react either? I honestly think you need to keep your calm face on, not react and just ride this wave, its just a phase and will pass!

Good advice.
Mine has been tantrummy from around 11 months (always been grumpy and had a temper on him mind!) Good advice to just take away food when she seems to suggest she's had enough. Nothing worse than a meal time battle on top of every thing else.
I always tried to give mine excuses too, teething/illness, tired all made him snap about the tiniest things. If I had one good day with him, I knew I'd pay for it with two horrific ones. Mine is two now, and slightly better?? ( I think, or am I getting used to it?)
Well, he can talk and is fully mobile, which I'm sure has helped a little, but strong willed....boy do we have some fights. Staying calm is the best approach for us, but not always the easiest, and that whingey whining, drives you demented.
Today, he woke from afternoon nap super sluggish and bad tempered, screamed, cried, whined. OH shouted at him (He hates it) I just put DS's coat on, bunged him in the car, and we went out. Taking him totally away from the current environment most often snaps him out of it. Not always practical I admit.
You are not alone. Good luck.x

Hi boilingpoint
Just wanted to let you know that my dd used to do the breath holding and passing out thing too. She used to cry in such a way that all the air was going out and none coming in, so she'd faint and come round again a few seconds later. It's scary but doesn't actually do her any harm. Is she walking yet? When she is, you need to be careful that she doesn't bang her head when she faints - my dd used to go down like a felled tree, straight onto the back of her head. I used to recognise the cry and have to run to catch her! I had her checked out by the hospital in case it was some form of fit or epilepsy but no - it was just her "feisty nature" - which is now written on her hospital notes!
The good news is that it improved hugely when her speech developed. It was at it's worst at probably about 17 months but by 2 years was noticeably improved. She's now 3.8 years and hasn't fainted in over a year. Tiredness used to make it worse, so if I were you I'd try to tackle the sleep first and hope the rest improves around it. Good luck!