DD (nearly 4) really sensitive to being told off.

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Have just had a nightmare trying to get DD to preschool. I've been a bit worried as she's been not wanting to go to this setting (she's attending 2, and still adores the other one)

After some worrying and gentle questions about why she didn't want to go, it transpired she no longer likes X, one of the staff, because he 'told her to go inside and put sun cream on' - he didn't shout or really tell her off at all (they are firm but fair on the children, giving discipline but give cuddles etc - believe me if I thought they were being too harsh on my PFB I would tell them!) - but she has really taken it to heart.

She is reasonably behaved at home, gets told off sometimes, but has always been absolutely perfect at school - all the staff at both settings adore her and tell me she's an angel, helpful, a good friend, sharing etc. I'm wondering if she's got so used to having no 'discipline' at school - because she's so far never needed any - so now she can't handle it.

I was like this, the only difference being that I was angelic (and very passive) even at home. The sensitivity to criticism has plagued my life so far if I'm honest, so while I don't want to make a big deal of this, I am a little worried.

Any suggestions?

You're probably right. It will be useful to her to toughen up a little bit, but I can imagine it will be hard to explain it to a four year old.

I know what you mean about angelic and passive and very sensitive to criticism and I think you have great insight to see it as a potential problem.

I'm not sure how you handle it with someone that young. With someone a bit older I'd suggest giving them strategies like practising smiling and saying "ok!" brightly, when asked to do something and then encouraging them to observe that this normally results in someone smiling back - so there's no question of being "in trouble", it's just part of communication.

Can you have a conversation about how she responds to discipline at home? She obviously copes with that ok.

I hope someone else has more useful suggestions!

Could you have a word with staff member 'X' and explain her reaction as it may be easier for him to smooth over the issue with your DD.

He wasn't there, so I told the other staff and they said they'd keep an eye out. It is really weird that she didn't want to go to school as until now she adored it and would cry if she was too unwell to go. But lately she's been saying she's unwell and not wanting to go. X was one of her favourite 'teachers' as well.

There is a parents evening in a few weeks, how do I bring it up without seeming like I'm saying "don't you dare tell her off you bullies" which is not my intent at all!

As for explaining to her - we explained that he wasn't telling her off, he was just trying to keep her safe with sunblock.

Oh bless her, she's only little - it is very common for children this age to be over sensitive to orders, and to take it as criticism/misunderstand a command as anger.

I agree with verlaine, teach her how to react to it, then practice at home, maybe by re-enacting the suncream incident?

I used to get upset by teachers 'telling me off' when I was little, when in fact, they were just giving me instructions.