toddlers who snatch.......

[lewislewis]

Toddlers often snatch toys from my ds (2.2); my ds sometimes manages to keep the toy by holding on to it, more often than not the other toddler succeeds in taking it, and ds is left standing in the middle of the playgroup with a very sad look on his face, then he runs to me, if tired he cries. I have used different strategies until now, I would like to hear yours.....

I would take the toy from the child who snatched and give it back to the other child. I would hand the other child an alternative toy and say nicely that we don't snatch as it's not nice. If the other child's carer had a problem with this I'd explain I didn't like my child being constantly sntched from as he was beginning to think the behaviour was acceptable and it wasn't.

when kids do that to my ds i snatch them back and give them to him

he is only 9 months though...

I agree that the other toddlers behaviour has to be tackled too.

yes, i cannot abide it when the mum (or whoever) just sits and watches their kid take other children's toys...

Very interesting question, LewisLewis. I don't have an answer, but would be interested in others views. This happens to my ds (2.5yo), he is very gentle and I think other kids take advantage of that.

What stragegies have you used btw?
I've told my ds

• it's ok, let that kid have that toy, you can have this other one; or
• I know it is not fair, honey. But sometimes things happen which are not fair.

I don't want to make a big deal of it, but if it is extreme and repeated, then I'll tell the snatcher to give the toy back to ds (usually offering the snatcher another toy as a bribe).

just a thought... could you teach him to say (very loudly)
NO, don't take that I am playing with it

I just think that their time will come .

I go to Playcentre and they have a rule that you can't take a toy off another child. If the child drops the toy/ wanders off and leaves it etc. it is fair game. Any child taking a toy is told "no xxx is playing with that choose something else" but in a kind way. I usually add "you can have a turn later", so it's clear that the toy is not exclusively for xxxx.

Now ds is older he will come to me and say "xxx took my toy and I said please but he won't give it back". As I haven't seen the incident I say, "oh that's a shame and good manners for saying please. Is there something else you would like a turn with?"

Ds really enjoyed a book called "it's mine!" which is about teaching children strategies for dealing with sharing and taking turns. He kept saying "if Alex said please then Callum would let him have a turn - he should have said please mummy". One of the main points is that you either take turns, or find something else to play with. So now I offer Bob a choice "would you like to see if you can take a turn, or play with something else". His decision at the moment seems to depend on how enormous the other kid is.

DD is only 22 months, and I'm told a lot changes between now and 2.5 but.....telling her to say 'no' or anything else doesn't work yet - she gets overwhelmed. She's a little anxious around groups of kids, and is much more likely to back down than snatch back.

I tend to go with the first suggestion - intervening on behalf of the snatchee. Which is what I'd do if DD was the snatcher, too.

Oh yes, must make sure that you do the same if yours becomes the snatchee. Oh the joys of toddler groups.

I've been twice with DS (19 months) and today was the second time. I've discovered he's a snatcher - every time he did it, I took it off him, told him that X was playing with that, and gave it back to X. Each time he screamed at me but I didn't back down.

If another child tries to snatch off him, he hangs on for dear life and screams at them - seems to work

This is an interesting thread.My DS(9mnths) and I were the victims of a snatcher (about 2yrs) in our second ever visit to mums and tots this week. I just sat there open-mouthed! as the tot took the toy I was showing DS out of my hand and wlked away. Must be more with it next week.!!!

Strategies I have used:
1)Told snatcher to give toy back to ds - saying it is "xxx's turn, soon it will be your turn". does not always work though, and do not really want to pry toy off snatcher. Not exactly a good example for kids.
2)Told ds not to worry about it; life is not always fair sort of thing.Tried to distract him with another bigger and nicer toy. Ds often looks dejected when I do this.
3) Raised my voice with snatcher and told him "Do not snatch!".
4) Ignored the accident completely.

I don't want to make a big fuss, but I also want him to learn to say "No, it is my turn with this toy", and complain to the adult supervising him if other child becomes aggressive, etc. I want to use one strategy and stick to it,

I know what you mean LewisLewis about not setting a bad example for the kids. It is rather embaressing when you try and pry the toy from the snatcher, only to have them scream blue-bloody-murder (and have other parents think that you are doing to the snatcher precisely what you are trying to prevent)

On the other hand I don't want my ds's good nature being taken advantage of. He is good at sharing, but when other kids start snatching then he becomes possessive of the toys.

Why is it that when toddlers get together they all want the same toy? (which is always the toy which someone else happens to be playing with).

Bobbybob, who is the author of that book you mentioned? Where did you get it?

Christopher Green does a brilliant anology of this normal toddler behaviour and it goes some thing like:
if it looks like mine, its mine
if you have got it, its mine
if someone else wants it, its mine
if its got buttons, its mine
if its a nice colour, its mine
if its broken...its yours!
I have done with mine from bieng tiny weeny tots what people have suggested on here, i say, its not your turn, when x has finished then its your turn.
Or i enforce restrictions so say some thing like, one more turn then its x's turn.
I am clear and precise in my wording with snatchers, and say "no, we dont snatch" and take it back. If screaming ensues then i give explanations. i have never encounted a parent who argues or is agressive about this especially if i explain that i am trying to teach my ds how to share.(mine is 2.4)
This is unnacceptable behaviour in our house and so i enforce it where ever we are.

By rights i should have had a slap...but then im ARD!

The thing is about 2 year olds, they may be bigger than your 9 month old, but they don't have any more knowledge of social niceties. So although it looks like deliberate bullying on their part, it really isn't. A 9 month old would snatch too if it could.

It is diffucult though if you get stroppy parents. Im just getting into toddler group/play politics and I must say it can be quite daunting.

The other day I was at a soft play type thing when two women started at it because one of their kids had taken a swipe at the other ones kids. One of them started out being reasonable but the other just exploded at the thought of anyone else diciplining her child. Scary stuff.

the book was part of a series called "emotions" and it's at the doctors and in preschools. I'm not sure it's by anyone. i thought it was awful but ds really enjoyed talking through the problems and questions in it.

BTW I have never had to take a toy of a child above 2. We wait until they give it back. Once they realise that you are serious they tend to hand it over.