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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

'Angry' 10 month old

12 replies

FanjoForTheMusic · 26/04/2011 11:22

Not sure whether this should be in B/D or Parenting, so apologies if I've got it wrong.

DD gets extremely frustrated, juts out her jaw and half screams half yells. She looks furious. She does this primarily if she wants to be picked up (it's accompanied by manic arm flapping like she's trying to take off ). If we pick her up and carry her about she stops, but because she's antisocial not a particularly cuddly baby she often wants to be put down again pretty soon. Sometimes she seems to do it because she's bored with her toys/being in a shop/the view and wants to do something else.

What should we do? I can't stand the noise. If we always respond to it and give her what she wants are we reinforcing the idea to her that she can scream and always get her own way? Is she too young for us to say a firm 'no' to the screaming? Or is the notion of a baby 'getting her own way' ridiculous and I'm an idiot?

She's always been a cry-y baby who is easily bored/frustrated/annoyed, and I'd appreciate ways of how to deal with it. Too often I think we dread her 'kicking off' and leave wherever we are if she starts to. I'd like her to be more flexible/portable, IYSWIM.

Sorry, long post.

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cjel · 26/04/2011 13:35

Really hard to be a mum!! Definately don't give give in all the time, I think you are right she could be now told no and learn that that she is not right and screaming doesn't work. reward good behaviour and ignore bad is really good advice, the longer you leave it to try and put it right the harder it will be but if you can stand to be firm and consitant she will learn really quickly. You are definately not an idiot, I think you are doing really well to have noticed this and want to nip it in the bud. good luckxxx

Albrecht · 26/04/2011 14:14

ds is exactly the same, he clenches his fits and tenses his whole upper body - actually shakes! And screams (dh has got earplugs).

Have you heard of 'high needs' or fussy baby? Might seem familiar here

ds is nearly 10 months and I would say too young for 'no'. He's got a lot going on, trying to cruise, teeth etc. There is a major developmental stage at this age.

We are trying to comfort him, carry him when we can (Ergo sling is fab), in the hope he will feel more secure. Life is hard and I don't like to be ignored myself. Some books have helped me - Dr Sears Fussy Baby, Unconditional Parenting Alfie Kohn, How to Talk so Kids will Listen...

sprinkles77 · 26/04/2011 14:29

Don't ignore your baby. I think what she needs and what she wants are the same thing right now. You're NOT an idiot, though she might be a bit young to understand about getting her own way. It's just figuring it out that's so hard. See if you can find a way to make her needs and yours more similar. I know by 10 months my DS was far too fidgety for meeting friends for lunch. Try to be consistent, she can't learn if you respond differently when it suits you. Can you anticipate the behaviour and intercept? If all she needs is a quick pick up and a change of scene or toy, why not? She's obviously a clever little girl who needs all the stimulation you can give her.

cjel · 26/04/2011 15:57

having 2 dc in their 20s and 4 grandchildren I would definately say that 10 months old is not too young for no. diversion and distraction would be good and as sprinkles suggests anticipating and 'nipping it in the bud' with an alternative is good. but no at 10months is great too.don't be put off by amount of noise they make!! had nephew who would hold his breath as a baby in a rage sil didn't give in, he always breathed again and is now the most wonderful 30 something you could meet. you are the parent here and know what you want to do, you are seeing that allowing it to continue isn't on but whatever you decide will not be easy i'm afraid,xxxxxxx

MrsGravy · 26/04/2011 21:01

No, you're not an idiot but yes, 10 months is too young to worry about her learning that screaming gets her her own way. To think about it logically, how exactly is a 10 month old supposed to communicate??! She can't speak yet but is trying to tell you something, she's frustrated that's all. How else can she tell you she's bored or whatever? And some babies are easily bored and frustrated. I would carry on responding to her as best you can but try not to let it put you off getting out and about with her. She will grow out of it though, once she's more able to do things for herself and communicate with you.

Original poster

FanjoForTheMusic · 26/04/2011 21:02

Thanks for the advice. Getting her needs and mine to be more similar would be the holy grail!

We haven't been ignoring her, we talk to her and try to distract her, but of course it doesn't always work and sometimes it can be stressful - it's very easy to be put off by the noise!

I think it boils down to the fact that I suspect the emotion is frustration, rather than distress, and it stems from a need for stimulation, rather than comfort. We've had mixed results with a sling, sometimes she's fought to get out of it, she's very independent and I think she feels restricted.

Yep, fussy, high needs, spirited...

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cjel · 27/04/2011 08:12

just imagine how much dd is going to acheive in her life if she has so much spirit so young. you are doing fantastic, think you just have to keep on keeping on, as long as you are aware of what you what to do it will happen. Not sure what to advise about noise levels though baby nioise always got to me as well.xxxxxxx

TheSkiingGardener · 27/04/2011 08:27

I have a 10 month old too who can do much the same. He is learning no, but we don't expect full comprehension yet!

We use a few key phrases. No, in a minute, Mummy tidy first ( when screaming and bouncing with arms raised to get out of the high chair) and he now seems to understand that no means no, whereas the other two mean he will get what he wants but not just yet.

I love the fact he is so keen to communcate and knows his own mind! He's going to be fun at 2...

FoxyRevenger · 27/04/2011 10:30

I have no tips, but I do have an 11 month old daughter who has twice thrown herself onto our wooden floor in a tantrum this morning and hit her head. She straightens her arms right above her head when you pick her up to move her away from something so you can't keep hold of her and screams the house down when I try to get her dressed every morning.

As you say, she'll be fun at 2....

cjel · 27/04/2011 13:26

oh wow I remember those days,Had to hold dg(14 months) at arms length the other day as she decided I had to let her go back in the water even though she was dressed with shoes on, luckily as I'm not mum we went to find mum to see what she thought, by the time we found her she'd forgotten what she wanted. but it is fun when they kick off isn't it!!!!

shefliesthrutheair · 27/04/2011 13:34

The 9-12 months stage is the hardest of the first year, imo. They are so frustrated and want to get around and control the world, but they just can't. It's so much easier when they start to walk and be able to move things about etc.

I agree with other posters, 10 months is too young to be too worried about the consequences of "giving in" to her...

goshreally · 27/04/2011 16:37

My DS laughs hysterically when I say 'No shouting', so now I put on a blank expression and weirdly he's a bit less shouty now. But I don't ignore him altogether. I had the same dilemma as you and thought a compromise might be best: rather like TheSkiingGardener. Also quite high-spirited. The sling is a great distraction (rose & rebellion do a good one for older babies), but have the same problem as you -- socialising isn't always an easy thing! Who knows, maybe having got all this out of the way, they'll be really easygoing toddlers.

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