pinching toddler

[plainy]

Hi my son is two and a half and has always been 'busy', loves running, climbing and isnt great at sitting down or concentrating though i have seen him manage it on rare occasions! he went through a pushing phase and i found it so hard, lots of horrible looks from other mothers, but i stopped - now a new phase has started, pinching (sometimes still accompanied by pushing but not very often). he does it to lots of people, in a variety of settings, sometimes he seems aggressive with it and sometimes not, so i cant seem to find a pattern or what sets him off. he has kind of started hitting things and sometimes he kind of walks around like a caged lion and seems a bit agressive. i have tried and tried to be patient, get him to empathise with whoever he has pinched etc, tried removing a favourite toys, tried time out,i have him outdoors a lot to burn up the energy, nothing works. i guess i am mostly scared that its not a phase, that there is something wrong, how do i know what is or isnt a phase. he is a very bright little fellow and seems quite happy and interested in the world and is friendly, great at talking, but then he has these other moments and other days, sometimes up to 6 or 7 times a day, he has kicked the dog a few times even though i went to great lenghts to explain never to do it again after the first time (safety reasons etc), have bought books etc on not hurting others. am finding this very hard and very worrying, am very upset about this, isit just me or does anyone else feel like this or have a similar problem? thanks

'Going to great lengths' explaining anything to a 2 year old won't get you far as he hasn't yet developed the capacity for understanding empathy or, indeed anything else that isn't simple and immediate.He's a baby really and can't be hurried through each developmental phase so a firm 'no' and removal from the scene of the crime is preferable to endless explanations.He'll get the point that you're not impressed.

Distraction, re-inforcing positive behaviour ie noticing when he does something pleasing and explicitly pointing it out to him,finding something to channel his energies and a calm approach ( Yes, I know it's not easy!!) might be worth trying.

I'm sure he's partly testing the boundaries and doing it because he's found that he can. Not a delinquent in the making so ignore the black looks from others - theirs won't be as perfect as they think!

thanks campion, you are probably right about the endless explanations, i geuss i think too much as an adult and not enough with a childs interpretaion of the world! have been trying the firm no and removing him from siuation for ther last few weeks, but to date no progress, i guess though it must take time? I agree wholeheartedly about re-inforcing good behaviour and sometimes i do but i keep forgeting to, that sounds silly i know but i forget to notice or am too distracted to notice when hes good or to compliment him for it. i guess it must be a bit of a bummer for him, that mum is always on his case when naughty but doesnt notice enough when he is good. i will just keep goig with the simple no and removing and hopefully eventually the message will get through, i guess i need more patience. it feels so lonely at times because i know there must be others out there who are going through the same thing, but i dont know any and it always just seems to be my and my boy when theres trouble!!! i also think because i am a lone parent i think or possibly imagine that some people do the whole tutt tutting thing sooner, as if to say "well he behaves like that because he is in a lone parent family", rationally i am sure not everyone thinks this but sometimes i feel as if some people do, feel a little judged by some but in a very subtle way. And then i think, well is no one elses child is doing this, may be there is something wrong, may be i am doing soemthing worng or there is something he is missing as part of a lone parent family, again i know rationally this is probably not the case, but emotions sometimes arent rational. this parenting thing is hard!!!! but will hang on in there and keep up with just the simple one approach and hope that eventually it will win out, and i thik if that were to happen it would make a big difference to our lives!!! thanks for the helpfuol and kind reply