Is it 'normal' for a child to take such pleasure in the upset of other chldren?

[Gwinkofchocolate]

I have name-changed for this and may be vague about certain specifics, as I don't want the mother of this child to identify them as I know she is on MNet.

We had a child (aged 6) over to play today whom my DC and I know well. It has always been apparent that he is rather excitable and unpredictable. But today it was very obvious that he enjoyed hurting, annoying or seeing other children cry.

When I was telling one of my DC off for something he was skipping, laughing and arm flapping and audibly groaned in disappointment whe I closed the door so he couldn't see.

He trapped a 2yr old's hand in the lid of a toy box, making them cry. I was told, by children, that it was done on purpose, but no adult could absolutely confirm this.

Finally, he would deliberately sabotage any game that other people were playing. He would pinch the ball, or grab the racket of the person playing. When other children screamed or got upset it would make him giggle and skip up and down flapping his arms with glee.

Finally he took himself off and played quite happily on his own while the other children played nicely together.

Is this normal naughty behaviour or is it some sort of behavioural problem? I ask, because my DC can be naughty (believe me ), but they don't get such delight from upsetting others and I find this quite difficult behaviour.

Any thoughts welcome.

sorry but i was going to suggest ASD aswell....the hand flapping, playing alone and not understanding what an annoying little sod he can obviously be sound just like my DS was at the same sort of stage,

DS now aged 19, confirmed ASD (aspergers) runs his own business, doing a degree and is much more pleasant to be around! but does sound like a little more than "naughty" to me op.

Try googling Oppositional Defiant Disorder - also psychopathy is a scary word but its just an adult description of a person without empathy. My friend's son has Oppositional Defiant Disorder - her son would "set up" situations where a smaller child would get hurt - I watched him once spend ages running up and down the corridor with a metal spike to see if he could "accidentally" stab another child, another time, when he was 10, he opened the front door to main road and tried to encourage my 3 year old to go out and "have a look" - when challenged about it he was extremely aggressive. Sadly we don't see them any more, for rather obvious reasons!

This is also the sort of disorder that arsonists have, where they carefully set a fire then retreat to a safe vantage point to watch the fire brigade arrive.

My child has this same issue. 3, diagnosed with high functioning ASD. Has social empathy enough to understand how to trigger people, myself included. By her own admission she enjoys seeing people, myself included, sad. I haven’t been able to figure this out fully but you should look into Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Widely accepted in UK, but not well known here in the states. It factors for children who don’t align with the typical aspects of the autism spectrum too, like being more interactive and social, using imaginative play, etc.

PDA is an anxiety and autonomy-driven need for control. They have a pathological aversion to demands, which, if you stop and think about that for a moment, SO MANY THINGS can be considered a demand. Children with PDA have vast tactics for social manipulation to avoid demands and stay in control. Even to the extent of saying “no. I can’t brush my teeth because I’m a cat and cats don’t have hands.” Etc. It all covers my kiddo to a T. Not saying your children have this, but maybe this can help. Cheers.

Omg it’s been so reassuring to read this discussion on young kids’ lack of empathy. I struggled for years with my stepson, thinking I was imagining a lack of empathy or enjoyment in others’ stress, pain or upset. He still belly laughs when someone hurts themselves, which is very hard to witness, esp when it’s my birth child genuinely in pain. His dad just laughs it off.
Since leaving my marriage, more and more friends have told me they experienced the child in the same way, that he knew exactly how to press buttons and appeared to relish the effects of e.g damaging other people’s property, breaking things, hiding car keys and not revealing them for hours, burning a hole in the floor by leaving a hairdryer on it switched on. So many things could be explained away as accidents at the time, but with the help of my extended circle, I’m starting to see things differently. The children of my friends have expressed how he leaves them feeling confused and ‘not enough’ with the way he interacts with them. His half-brother - my son - who worshipped him when he was a toddler, has very little connection to him now despite seeing him regularly. I suspect it is partly because of this.
PDA was something I suspected back when I lived with them. Also, ASD as he has sensory stuff a number of other traits. Whatever the reason, I found it very difficult to live with, and have found much relief in knowing that I wasn’t just thinking the worst of the child. The stepmom dynamic is a challenge, and I think I blamed myself for not connecting with him emotionally.