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Dummies

20 replies

LauLau15 · 25/04/2011 17:37

Hi all, wonder if anyone has experienced a similar problem with getting rid of dummies. My DS is 3 this week and still asks for his dummy. It's use is very limited throughout the day unless he's particulary whinging and i cant bear the noise anymore!. Me and my partner seem to have different views on the dummy, he hates it and never had one when he was small whereas i did and know the feeling of enjoying a comforter - i sucked my thumb for a long time as a kid! Should we just take the dummy away once and for all, when is he classed as too old for one? He seems to calm down when he has it and becomes alittle more reasonable and normally gives it back to me after 5 mins. Should we just completely restrict to night time dummy for alittle awhile longer and then thow them away. please tell me someone else in the world has become almost frightened of taking the pacifier away??!!

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buffy13 · 25/04/2011 17:56

My daughter threw hers in the bin at 18 months but only had it at night from a year old, I would try to get rid completely using supernanny technique of the dummy fairy, tell him the dummy fairy is coming to take all his dummies to give to the little babies who need them, and make it really exciting, get him to collect them all up and put them in envelope and post (yes really post!) to dummy fairy, then make sure that she leaves a note saying thank you and a little pressie for him to find the next morning. Good luck whatever you decide to do! :-))

changingmynameagain · 25/04/2011 18:11

Well he won't be leaving school with a dummy. Grin And I can't see him getting married with one Wink I wouldn't stress too much.

I had awful awful trouble getting rid of the dummy with DD1.

She was really really big before they went at night time.

She had all sorts of issues though, and the dummy battle was one I just wasn't prepared to fight.

I'd try restricting it to night time / nap time and it will go eventually.

Unless you are ready to stick it out and listen to the screaming

headfairy · 25/04/2011 18:14

I'm with changingmynameagain... ds has a dummy, he's 3.7 but he knows he's only allowed it at night. Absolutely not allowed at any other time. I've told him he can't have it forever, one day when he's ready he needs to give it to the dummy fairy. But right now he's not ready to give it up and I'm ok with that. I sucked my thumb until my late teens and totally messed up my teeth, so I'd prefer ds uses a dummy which I don't think pushes the teeth so much (I could be wrong though)

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 25/04/2011 18:30

Dummy fairy. He's 3 this week... tell him that the Dummy fairy will bring him his birthday presents if he leave her his dummies. No dummies, no presents/cake/party/balloons - only big boys without dummies have those.

headfairy · 25/04/2011 18:31

seriously Chippingin? You would deprive a 3 year old of their birthday if they didn't give up a dummy? Wow, that's harsh!

changingmynameagain · 25/04/2011 18:34

Chipping - are you available to hire Grin

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 25/04/2011 18:46

Headfairy - I've never had one say no to giving the Fairy Dummy all the dummies in exchange for the presents [bugrin]

None of them have been my kids though as they wouldn't have had them in the first place!

Changing - for an extortionate reasonable rate and it must include chocolate [bugrin]

changingmynameagain · 25/04/2011 18:48

My DD refused the dummy fairy chipping but she's 12 now so dummies aren't an issue Grin

If you do teenager wrangling I will pay Wine and chocolate Wink

headfairy · 25/04/2011 18:49

Hmm, that's the difference I think. Ds would be devastated to have to choose. I started using a dummy when he was 3 weeks old on the advice of a HV who said it could help prevent SIDS. I do sometimes wish I hadn't used one. But I'm not going to tear it away from him.

Happygomummy · 25/04/2011 18:52

I guess I used technique similar to dummy fairy but a bit diff

When DS was 3 I said to him we would go to toy shop and he could choose any toy, but that he would only get toy once he put dummies in bin when we got home. I did give him option of returning toy to me in exchange for getting dummy back, but I did not need this option. Worked a treat.

strandednomore · 25/04/2011 18:54

We're in the middle of pursuading our 3.4 yr old dd2 to give hers up. She only has it at night but things like the dummy fairy just won't cut it with her, she's truely addicted! However she is DESPERATE to go to Peppa Pig World so we have promised her a trip there if she gives it up (we were thinking of going anyway but she doesn't need to know that) and last night she went to sleep without it for the first time, hallalujah! However, predictably she woke in the night and although she tried for a while to go back to sleep without it, in the end we both gave in and she got it back. She's going to try again tonight.
I don't feel bad about using it though, it's a pain now but it was much worse when she was a wailing newborn and I also had a toddler to look after in the day time. I wouldn't have survived without it!

changingmynameagain · 25/04/2011 18:55

DD said that was fine she didn't want any toys she would just have her dummy.

Similar thing with the nappies she said she wouldn't wear pants she didn't like them.

I can't think where she gets her stubborness from Wink

strandednomore · 25/04/2011 19:23

I think I would be like the mum in I Just Don't Like Peas - I could probably offer to buy her all the chocolate in the world and she still wouldn't give it up.

She's got it again tonight - she's been in a truely terrible mood all day so there was no way she was going to sleep without it. Sigh. Three is probably about the worst time to give it up, they can be so bloody minded at this age. But we have moved a fair bit over the last couple of years so wouldn't have been happy taking it away before now. And don't have the strength or energy just to get rid....

headfairy · 25/04/2011 19:27

stranded I'm with you on the pain of having a wailing newborn and a toddler. That's why dd has got a dummy too despite me knowing how hard it is to take it off them. She's been such a terrible sleeper too, she didn't sleep through until she was 13 months. I can't bear to think how much harder it might have been if she hadn't had a dummy. As it is, I spent a year on less than four hours sleep a night, doing shift work for the last four months of that. My friend hasn't used a dummy for either of her two and she's still doing 6-8 night feeds with her 6 month old dd and about 12 feeds a day because her dd uses her as a dummy all day long.

changingmynameagain · 25/04/2011 19:28

Stranded - pick your battles.

Honestly, she won't have it when she's 20!

happypotter · 26/04/2011 02:42

Our ds is 2.7 and we got rid of his dummies about two weeks ago. He had two of them at night, during any daytime nap and he would ask for them when he got upset. I probably would have left it a bit longer but he was starting to bite the end of them and I was worried he was going to bite the whole end off.
We live in the US now and have a proper mailbox by the front door and the postman will collect any post in it. I told ds that I'd put all the dummies in the mailbox and the postman had taken them to post on to all the new babies. We had an hour of crying on the first night, he asked a couple of times the next day and since then he has been fine. I actually can't believe how painless it was as ds was really attached to his dummies. I thought we'd be stuck with them forever. Good luck.

LauLau15 · 26/04/2011 10:27

wow, thanks for all the messages, i think maybe we could try the dummy fairy idea with a toy to ease the pain! i know he wont have it forever and i've seen a gradual decline from the constant need for it so maybe he might give it up himself, he always throws it out of his mouth when he's in a mood or when he's desperately trying to talk about something quickly so i'm not too worried. nice to hear some ideas and other people's views though. Thanks again!

OP posts:
jubilee10 · 26/04/2011 19:48

My 3 ds's were dummy addicts but it was affecting ds2's speech so we had to take it away. He cried a bit the first night and asked occasionally after that but I couldnt believe it was so easy. Ds3 only had it at night for a long time but again we went "cold turkey" and it was no problem.

bringmesunshine2009 · 27/04/2011 12:31

Oh god, I so want to get rid of DS1s dummy. I am trying to restrict it to naps and failing miserably. Some days he doesn't want it at all. Others he wants it ALL DAY.

I have been limiting it and when he starts to ask "Niniiii, niniiii" I say "no, not until nightnight babies." And then O.M.G. he will lie on the floor and have the worst tantrums ever. Today it lasted from 9.30am until 11.15am when he fell asleep with a dummy, frantic and hungry because he wanted it back so much.

I want it gone bec I think it's unhygenic, looks terrible (he looks older than 18 months), he can only say two words and I am worried about his teeth and his speech.

I am literally dreading this afternoon. When he wakes up and I take it away, all the screaming will start again.

This morning I had the worst morning ever (I might put this somewhere more prominent as I am so upset). I took him to Movers and Shakers, thinking the distraction might work and it did for a bit until the class was delayed by an hour. He was then off and on tantrumming and playing, by the time it came to circle time he was crimson with rage. I was ignoring it and refusing to give in, trying various distractions, nothing worked. I am due to give birth #2 on Monday and was trying to hold him, but he was beating his head against my stomach, which was in agony. In the end, one of the other mothers offered to take him out (who was such a good mum her kid stayed and looked after itself), I was so embarrassed and felt like such a crap mum. We were asked to leave until he calmed down as we were disturbingthe other babies. I left the class with DS still screaming and everyone looking at me like "how the fuck is she gonna cope with another one when she can't deal with the one she's got", didn't get my sodding money back either. Now I can't go back there because I am too ashamed. I cried all the way home. I feel I want to go back because he needs to bloody well learn to play nice. His father is antisocial get everything my own way type, because his mother gave him carte blanche to do what ever pleased as a young child and I don't want him to be the same.

I am now at home and want to be left alone but the woman who is cleaning before #2 arrives (expensive, but I so can't reach the bottom of the fridge/oven/skirting etc) is here and I can hardly ask her to go. DH started a pointless and totally unnecessary row, just because, and I want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. What the hell am I going to do with two of them? Dh is not supportive over dummy removal. He is lazy by nature and is happy for DS to keep it until 2fvcking1 if necessary just so "he doesn't have to put up with him crying when he [DH] is tired and wants to rest!!!" If the boy then has speech problems or bad teeth however, that will of course, be my fault. I didn't want to give him the bloody thing in the first place, I was LITERALLY forced into when DS was 3 days old by my mother, who was all "oh just use it for sleep" totally oblivious to the fact that DH would be giving it to him round the clock (he cared for him most of the time I was at work). I was bullied into it by DH and my mum who wanted some sleep (oh really? is it your post natal body that needs to recover?) and also neither of them have to pick up the pieces when it comes to removing the bloody thing, oh no, that falls to me who didn't want it in the fvcking first place.

thanks for letting me get that off my chest! Sorry for whinging on!

G xx

strandednomore · 27/04/2011 13:44

Oh crumbs bringmesunshine it sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment. I don't think you mentioned your ds's age but it does sound like he is going through a bad phase at the moment and, with number two due so soon, I really think you shouldn't worry about the dummy. Your ds is going to have a lot to get used to with the new baby, the dummy will be a good comfort item for him. I am not the best person to ask about dummy removal (see my post below) but I definitely don't think you shoudl be taking his away right now. You are going to be exhausted with a new baby if he doesn't sleep - leave it until things are a little easier. Good luck!

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