Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

So is it ever ok to force/persuade a child to eat?

13 replies

Dancergirl · 24/04/2011 19:51

Just reading the post below about the 2 year old's father forcing him to eat....

Whilst I would never do what he's doing, it did make me think about what I'm now doing with dd and if it's the right thing or not.

In a nutshell, I have struggled for years with dd2's fussiness/food issues. I am now not pandering to it any more, she's now 8 and I feel I need to re-train her palate to a wider diet. So on the advice of a psychologist friend of ours, we are 'making' (persuading?) dd to try tiny pieces of new (to her) foods. I have actually been amazed at how easy it's been - I was expecting dd to put up a battle for hours but in fact she only moans for a few mins and then tries the piece of food. In a way, I suspect she actually WANTS us to take this approach and set a clear boundary. The psychologist explained it to us as her being really scared of trying new foods but as parents we are helping her to confront her fears rather than run away from them.

But I'm just slightly concerned that this approach might make dd have a negative relationship with food in the long term. And that's my long term goal - I'm not too worried about what she eats/doesn't eat now but I don't want any food issues in the long term.

So am I doing the wrong thing? I'm not exactly forcing her but there is quite a bit of pressure and persuasion going on.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mousesma · 24/04/2011 19:53

persuade ok, force not ok.

It's fine IMO to encourage children to try new things and sometimes they do need a bit of coaxing to take the first step.

Original poster

Dancergirl · 24/04/2011 19:54

Oh and it's not huge amounts of new foods either - just a tiny bite and the rest of the meal is something she's comfortable with.

OP posts:

TrinityRhino · 24/04/2011 19:56

I think what you are doing is fine

persuading not forcing

and also if she only moans for a bit and then does it cant be hurting her that much iyswim

from an emotional point of view

could someone link me or tell me the title of the other thread you mentioned please

CMOTdibbler · 24/04/2011 19:57

I think there is a huge difference between expecting a child who is old enough to verbalise to try a very small amount of food, and forcing/coercing them to eat. And having spent today with a 17 yr old who only eats beige food - and looks like it- it will be well worth while

bigTillyMint · 24/04/2011 19:57

Yes, persuade is OK, forcing will be completely counter-productive.

Just ask her to have a teaspoonful (or even less) of one "new" food at each meal even if you have to bribe with a bit of choccy or something along with her favourite foods, and don't make a big deal if she refuses.

Mummyloveskisses · 25/04/2011 00:54

I usually add a ''not liked'' food to my DD's (3.4) plate, for example broccoli, everything else on the plate is what she will eat and if she tries the ''not liked'' food she gets 3 extra choccy buttons.... sometimes she eats it sometimes not but I found giving her the choice, not pushing the offer, say it once and let her make the decision really has helped getting her to try and eat more foods.

MadamDeathstare · 25/04/2011 05:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 25/04/2011 05:51

I can't see that you are doing your dd any harm, and given that your approach seems to be working (at least for now) then I'd keep on doing it. In the long term I think that this is something she may well thank you for - it's neither easy nor fun having a very restricted diet as an adult and much harder to change.

Forcing your child to eat something is counterproductive and could well border on abuse, but that's not what you are doing.

Gemtubbs · 25/04/2011 06:06

Not saying this is going to work for everyone, but it was something that worked for me; my DS is 3, he wouldn't eat brocolli. We stopped calling it brocolli and called it "Baby trees" instead. He yums them up now. I never would have thought that would work. :)

Nanny0gg · 25/04/2011 12:53

Sounds like a good idea to me.
My mother's way of forcing persuading me was to hide vegetables under the potatoes or mixing them in, thereby completely changing the taste/texture of everything I did like and making me stay at the table until it was gone.
Needless to say, it didn't work...

trixymalixy · 25/04/2011 12:59

I think what you're doing is fine, probably because we do something similar with my 4 year old. We put a little bit of everything on his plate and he has to have a taste of everything before he gets pudding. I think nursery do something similar.

Original poster

Dancergirl · 25/04/2011 20:22

Thank you for all your replies.

I suppose the reason I feel just slightly uncomfortable is because when dd asks me (when eating a new bit of food) 'do I have to?', I say yes so I feel I'm forcing her. But I know dd and if I give her the option of trying it or not, she just wouldn't. Time and time again. And I know she needs to try new foods over and over again to get her palate used to them.

OP posts:

Bumperlicioso · 25/04/2011 20:27

I think that is fine. I've started making pudding conditional on dd1 (3) just trying some things. Not forcing her as such, but bribing

Flip