When to start considering there is something 'different' about your child?

[rachelmummy]

My 20MO DD speaks in sentences (not just repeated words - if we are driving in the car and we stop, she will say 'mummy, the car has stopped' 'Where are we going mummy' 'no, I don't want to go to the swings, I want to feed quak quaks' 'please can we feed the quak quaks' - these are just examples today), counts (again, not just repeating numbers... I mean, she can count.. If you ask her 1+2, she will tell you 3. Today she counted the legs on a (picture) spider and said '6' (the correct answer).

She knows all of her letters (can sound them without prompting) and is excellent at drawing (she will draw a 'ceegle' (circle) or square or - actually anything you want!!... She (of her own accord) pointed out a walrus in her play animals today...

My DS (same age, they are twins) is nowhere near and I've been worried he's been behind (he sees speech therapist which is helping).. but my DD seems so... well.... advanced. And, I'm beginning to wonder whether I should be looking at ways to make sure she is fulfilled, as well as DS.

Agree with others....things will even out. My ds at 18 months could hold a proper conversation, count, recognise colours and shapes, at 6 years old he is very much average.

I am quite shocked your ds sees a SALT at 20 months old....I am assuming that's private???

I have no useful information, but I would advise getting hold of another spider picture.

They have 8 legs.

I am shocked that so many people think it their place to say that the OP's ds seeing a speech therapist is so wrong. my dd1 was first referred to a SALT before she was 18 months old (she didn't actually see a SALT for several months after that due to woeful and crappy waiting lists).

if speech therapy is needed (and it can be picked up this early, imo and ime) then it is right and proper that intervention is given early.

stop being so bloody snobbish about it all - just because the OP has mentioned that her dd seems quite bright (and speaking as the parent of a chidl who has recently been described as exceptional by experts in child development, her dd does seem above the normal range - there are plenty of 20 month olds who can barely count ot 3 by rote, let alone count with reference) does not mean that she is desperately trying to get her ds to "catch up" - maybe she is just getting him some help with a speech issue, fgs.

I would say OP that your DD is not "different" to the rest of the population, just different to your DSs. Some children speak earlier than others, some use single words, others use great long complicated sentences that knock the socks off you. Wait till she is telling you exactly what she wants for lunch and how the cheese slice on the side should be cut (I kid you not).
Its neither a problem for your DS nor is your DD an Einstein (she might be, later but this is no indication at this stage). Enjoy their differences and try not to transfer your anxieties onto them - they can sense it.

Silverfrog, I think people are just surprised that a speech therapist would be thought necessary so very young. I mean, ds could only make a few rudimentary words at that age - how would we have known whether or not therapy was necessary? I understand if there are physical issues but I get the impression, since you didn't mention it, that you're not talking about those.

As for counting to three at 20 months - it would never have crossed my mind that a 20 mo should be able to - that is very very young, isn't it? Or am I remembering wrongly?

Prunnhilda - my point is that the OP didn't outline why her ds is seeing a SALT - and yet so many posters have jumped to the conclusion that she is over anxious, worrying unnecessarily, etc.

my dd was referred to a SALT earlier than that, and not for physical issues. SALTs can be involved for a whole variety of speech and communication issues, and it is entirely possible to pick up on these at such an age.

as for the counting to 3 - I agree entirely, I think it is early too. yet most of the thread have been decrying any suggesiton of it being early - "entirely normal" "not advanced" "perfectly within normal boundaries" - I don't htink it is, actually (which is not ot say that the OP's dd is a genius, nor that her ds is behind because he is NOT doing this) - but her dd can clearly count beyond 3, and with one-one correspondence as well, and not just as a learned string. that is not, ime (from both ends of thespectrum, as I have one dd who is delayed and one who is advanced) usual at 20 months.

I posted that the OP's daughter is within normal range because she IS. I have a son who I consider perfectly in the normal range also who knew his alphabet (deciphering letters, not just reciting ABCs) just before 2, and understood number sequences up to 20. However, I grew up with a brother who was Profoundly gifted and he was starting to read at the same age and was using the typewriter to write words. Kind of put things into perspective for me about what gifted really means.

Thankyou all for the replies. I have been reading them.

To address the points made: SALT is a referral from GP and is based not only his speech, but other traits in his personality. When I said 'I'm worried about him being behind', I don't mean in comparison to my DD. However, now he is seeing the SALT, she is really helping him and also setting me 'homework' and that is proving excellent at bringing him out of himself.

DD appears to be learning to read. She has a book of pictures with spellings underneath (Cat, dog, ball... that sort of thing. I'm not thinking Hippopotamus!!) and she will spell out 'C' 'A' 'T' and then make a meow sound. She does this with lots of the animals (dog, pig, cow.. I mean, maybe it's not that strange that she would do that (though I've not seen any of their friends do it and I know it freaks many other parents out). Since my original post, she found a letter from an alphabet shape sorter and said 'A for apple' before slotting it into the correct slot.

I appreciate that I sound over anxious neurotic and I think it's down to just having two extremely different children. I'm really rather happy to accept that they are just at the opposite extremes of the spectrum... but my two are really stretching it!

I'm also rather happy to say that DS is far more developed in other aspects (physically, for instance) and I am hoping that they even up soon.

It's rather exhausting at the moment!

Just re-read my post.

I don't mean I'm set 'homework'... I mean, she sets me tasks to do 1-2-1 with DS so I communicate with him in a way he will engage with me.

It would seem that lots of the problems DS has now have developed because I was communicating more and more with DD and DS cannot keep up with that level of information. He needs more simple / structured language.

Honestly, I'm not a loony bint that bad.

I have one of each too. My middle DS was the same as your daughter at that age, it seemed a bit strange at the time but he's 4 now and on a level with the other children at school.
My DD is 20 months and has only just said 'mama'. The only thing I have done differently with her to to teach her some signs so she can ask for things. I'm sure they all even out more or less eventually.

Your DD doesn't seem particularly advanced to me, sorry. My DSS and DD were the same at that age (actually, at the risk of appearing obnoxious, DD could read well by about 20 months). DSS is now totally average and I'm presuming DD will be the same.

If your DS is receiving support and that's going well, then good.

Don't worry about your DC. They're normal and fine! :)

i have three dc's and two are very like yours (well, dd2 had slt from birth rather than toddlerhood, but similar).

and everyone called ds1 'golden wonderboy' because he was speaking very clearly in sentences, asking questions, showing interest in reading etc v early. nursery at 3 wanted him statemented as gifted because they didn't really know what to do with him.

he's now 9 and dd2 (who didn't speak until 3 or walk independently until 5, and still has and always will have, dysarthric speech) is 7. dd2 has an iq of 142, and ds1 is a lazy toe rag. oh, and completely invisible run of the mill boring average meeting her statistical normal milestones dd1 (pfb) is on the regional g&t programme as she was picked up school at 9.

both children sound absolutely reassuring normal, but it must be very odd to have twins so different. bad enough to be comparing to siblings a year a year or two apart! it sounds as though slt is doing good things - important to remember though, whatever your ds's issues, that they do not exclude being academically above average. it gets extraordinarily frustrating when people assume that your child has learning disabilities because they have issues with speech and communication. and extremely frustrating for the child. dd2 (all sorts of issues) has officially the highest iq in the family (and even higher than her paediatrician).

anyway. normal kids enjoy! and don't stress about doing anything different - you are doing a great job. any hint of sn makes us all a bit crazy at times. normal parental anxiety amplified.

I don't think it's that uncommmon to have twins like this tbh- I know several sets who have very different capabilities.
I also know a set of quads where 2 are superbright, and 2 have Moderate learning difficulties.
Your DD sounds very similar to my DD, who has spent the last year or so evening up her abilities (she was very far behind physically) and improving her social skills. She's Reception now, and academically at the top of her class, meaning she can enjoy school, and focus on areas she struggles with.

Yes, she does sound quite advanced, but as others have said she may or may not remain so .

My daughter also did the " A, apple" thing at an age when perhaps it was only me that could understand what she was saying, ie her speech wasn't that well developed. Now at 2.5 she comes up with some ideas that are quite abstract and can sit and play board games as well or sometimes better than her brother who is 4.. Her fine motor skills are almost, if not as good as his- perhaps he was a bit behind but not so that you'd notice. She puts on her shoes quicker than him and can open most things (especially chocolate).

Anyway... this is not supposed to be a boast for DD . DS was actually more advanced in his speech at this age and used to stun friends with his long complex sentences. Now age 4.5 he is perhaps a bit ahead of most of his peers but not so you'd sit up and gasp.

Must be tricky with twins at very different stages, but perhaps not so different from having two children of different ages. Obviously I speak differently to my 4.5 year old than my 2.5 old although I guess I have evened it out when talking to both.

Perhaps you have to have some times when you deliberately give DS the attention and maybe you can just leave your DD to get on with things, as pp have said children this age who are gifted don't really need stretching any further, they are happiest if you leave them to do things at their own pace.

dd talked like that at that age. She's the least academic child you're likely to come across now at 6.

ds1 spoke just as early and as well and started teaching himself to read at 2, now he's being assessed for dyspraxia and can't settle in school at all

ds2 is 2 and can't talk at all (oral dyspraxia) but he's as bright as a button and will probably be the most academic of the three in the long run.

talking at that age means feck all in the long run.

My dd could read as in a whole ladybird book aloud at 20 months.
My ds read at 4 just before school.
None of my 9 granchildren have done this.
By age 11 both my dc were comfortably in top sets in school but not at the top of them.By 18 they achieved equally and now both are fulfilled adults with decent jobs,married with childern and no signs of 'abnormal' precocity.
Children have internal 'switchboards' and different switches are activated at different times.
OP at 18 months my dd sat on her dad's knee as he read the newspaper and pointed out her initial-'that's X for dd's name'.My ds could only just say a few words at 18 months.

Very true... ds2 was referred to SALT at 7 months due to feeding issues as the waiting list is so long and it was very likely he needed intervention. He was seen at 12 months and the SALT referred us to paeds and ENT (who just operated on him 2 weeks ago) and he started SALT properly at 18 months. Early intervention is best when there is a problem so ignore the posters above who obviously haven't had to deal with these issues.

I thought it was quite normal for SALT to start early. Well, maybe it IS unusual because of the sodding waiting lists!

My DS is 20m and has just been referred so we probably won't get seen until he's 2. The HV certainly didn't seem to think it was to soon. She just ran through some questions - from what I can gather it was to differentiate between actual speech/language delay and general developmental issues - in all other aspects he's doing really well though. No signs of autism etc. He just doesn't want to talk and prefers pointing and screeching!

I have to say your DD sounds quite advanced. Not worryingly so, but bright as a button and absolutely lovely. But of course your DS is lovely too and it is SO important not to make too big a deal of their differences as long as they are both happy (I have twin DSDs).

Normal I'd say, just keep her stimulated. She doesn't need anything special, just you and lots of different and fun things to do.

And that's from a mother of a 2-1/2 year old who was speaking and adding like your daughter, but quite a bit earlier, around 16 months, and who knows what a 'borborygmus' is and what 'bamboozled' means AND. And she reads lots of words.

You know something? There is not a huge, huge variety in terms of 'brightness' in children of that age. It's just that some are able to pick up and learn quicker than others, as you are discovering.

You can help her by teasing out her length of concentration as its ability to concentrate that can really help learning take off. Counting bears, alphabet games, read lots of stories and get her to talk about them. All fun-based.

I felt like I had to push hard to get DS referred for SALT, and that was at age 2y10m. At 3y1month we were given a load of exercises to do at home, so no seeing professionals routinely, yet (he's now almost 3y3m).

Hello
I have twins about a year older than yours - they were never as extreme as it sounds like yours are, but similar in that DTD was an early talker - I think she was similar to your DD at the same age, but it's all a bit of a blur! DS' ability to understand and contribute to conversations was significantly behind hers at that point and it felt like you had to treat him quite differently to include him with his sisters (DD1 is 18 mths older). A year on it's much more even - I think they're both good communicators (though they're little so may be people think they're younger than they are). DS though is the more independent and 'advanced' - very determined to do things for himself and more socially confident and she's the one who needs help to be included with older children. I anticipate it will change round again and again. I suppose I'm trying to say that with twins it is inevitable that you compare their development, and it's inevitable that you worry about meeting their individual needs (when I think of how many stories I read to dd1, and how rarely the DTs have their own individual story...)
We manage to spend a small amount of one-on-one time with the DTs, and I think that really helps to just see them as them, instead of in relation to the other, iyswim. And we try not to compare them to each other in public or when they can hear (especially, as well as generally). I suppose I'm trying to say that I think you're right to be concerned about meeting both their needs, but the fact you're thinking about it probably means you're halfway there!