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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My daughter's exhausted!

18 replies

lucyjack · 23/04/2011 13:38

Baby's 11 weeks and just constantly screaming. My daughter's tried everything to soothe him - he's her first baby. He's feeding well on Aptamil, no health problems that we know of. He had his first injections about 10 days ago and has a cough at the moment which doctors say is nothing to worry about.

On their advice baby's now having Calpol twice a day and Infacol too, which isn't helping at all.

He does sleep reasonably well at night, from about 9pm till maybe 3am when he wakes for a feed, but my daughter can't do anything in the day with him. She feels she can't take him out anywhere as even in his pram he's screaming blue murder.

Naturally, she's shattered. I'm starting to wonder privately if something's wrong...surely he shouldn't be screaming constantly with tears streaming down his face like this?like this?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Albrecht · 23/04/2011 13:52

ds screamed a lot. Some of them just don't like being immobile / powerless babies. He got a bit happier when he could sit and then now he can crawl, pull up (barring teething). Any signs that it is physical pain rather than grumpyness?

Does she have a sling? The closeness and movement might calm him. And she will have hands free. Partner / grandparents can use it too to give her a break.

Does your daughter go to bed at 9pm too because 6 hours sleep will do her a lot of good. She probably feels the need to eat, have a bit of down time but hoonestly even a couple of early nights will help. Sometimes I go to sleep at 7.30 when ds does!

isw · 23/04/2011 14:02

My DD was a bit like this, infacol takes a while to kick in. I had a closer parent sling and used to strap her in, ipod on and go for a walk somewhere where there wasn´t many people around!! Felt which neglectful but she wouldnt have been any closer and NOTHING worked, it helped my sanity. If it is colic/ trapped wind the walking in a sling with them in upright position can help jiggle the wind out.
Why the calpol is there is nothing wrong? I would question that. Have they checked his collarbones, apparently they can get broken during birth and not always picked up. One more suggestion is cranial ostiopathy. Many people swear by it for unsettled little ones.
Hope she finds something that works for her

buffy13 · 23/04/2011 15:47

Is he worse after feeding? Just wondering if he might have silent reflux which is really painful as acid comes up from tummy but instead of being sick they swallow it back down again so it burns them twice. Propping him up would help instead of laying flat (you can get wedge to go under cot mattress) and there are treatments available. Just something to consider anyway :-)

Original poster

lucyjack · 23/04/2011 20:46

Thanks Albrecht, isw and buffy. The calpol is IN CASE he has pain apparently.

I do think it could be silent reflux, got her some Colief which many people swear by. He stops crying instantly she puts him in the bath though.

OP posts:

Albrecht · 24/04/2011 13:23

Oh good glad she has found something that works. Its reassuring to have something to pull out of the bag when things get fraught.

We thought ds might have silent reflux. I found it really helpful to talk over his behaviour with someone on the breastfeeding helplines (La Leche, bfn, nct). Good for moral support too.

colditz · 24/04/2011 13:30

Is he to hot or too cold? the bath thing is interesting....

or maybe he just want to be put into a quiet room and left for a bit? Ds1 would not be held when he was tired. He was a lovely baby, but I soon figured out that bedtime, to him, meant lying down in a dark room, alone. i woulnd't have chosen to do this, I wanted to cuddle him, but he had to have that 5 minutes gringe to wind down.

Albrecht · 24/04/2011 13:34

steamy bath might be comforting sore throat / chest too.

Original poster

lucyjack · 24/04/2011 13:45

Thanks albrecht and colditz. He loves going in the bath and stops screaming the moment she starts to carry him up the stairs for his bath...he gets like an expectant look on his face. So I'm thinking it mightn't be pain or he'd still have it in the bath?

It's hard when my daughter's doing everything by the book and giving 110% and he's screaming like he's being murdered! I did think maybe he's hungry and apparently there's a hungry baby milk you can get from Aptamil specially for hungry babies. But my daughter says it's not good for baby as it contains an enzyme that can upset baby's digestion. And she's been told not to even try solids before 6 months...I'm sure I used a bit of rusk with milk or baby rice before 6 months with my own kids.

I just wish I could find a way to help - I know all babies cry but this is definitely excessive!

OP posts:

Rosa · 24/04/2011 13:49

Try a sling / swaddling when you go out in the pram ..Also lift the canopy back ( not in direct sunlight) so he can see the light. try holding in various positions - vertical on tummy over your arm with legs down either side.
Justr a few ideas.....

colditz · 24/04/2011 14:55

Maybe he's high maintenance and wishes to be carried everywhere or otherwise entertained? Ds2 was like that!

Original poster

lucyjack · 24/04/2011 16:21

He's very definitely high maintenance!! But it's just not possible - or even good for him - to be carried 24/7 and be totally resistant to being put down even for a minute, is it?

I think my daughter's first experience of motherhood will be her last!!!!

OP posts:

ChunkyPickle · 24/04/2011 16:35

Mine just gets sick of a room after a while, turns into a little monster and needs a change of scenery - we too take him for a bath (on some days it got up to 4 or 5 times!) or just go and sit in there/the bedroom/the kitchen with him on the floor just so he had something else to look at

Albrecht · 24/04/2011 17:47

Hungry baby milk is not really any different to normal Aptamil, so I have heard (I'm not a healthcare professional / baby feeding expert though). If he is hungry he needs more frequent milk feeds.

There is a good nhs leaflet about weaning here. Weaning is not recommended before 6 months (and definately not before 17 wks) because new research has shown that some babies guts are not ready til then and early introduction of solids has been linked to development of allergies in some babies.

Our ds has been called 'high needs' or fussy because he also screams a lot, wants to be carried etc. (Info here). Opinion is obviously divided about what is good for babies (!) but people who had babies like this have said that if you give them what they need (carrying etc.) then they will start to feel secure and scream less. This is what we did with ds but I can't say for sure he would have turned out differently (either better or worse).

As I say he is happier now that he is mobile and will sit and play on his own. So there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Does your daughter have internet access? I'm sure people would be happy to share their experiences with her.

taurean · 24/04/2011 17:58

I used the hungry baby milk with my DS - lots of people told me about potential digestive problems but we went ahead out of desperation (he would cry a lot and always seemed hungry) and it certainly helped. He's now nearly 6yo with no side effects whatsoever.

PenguinArmy · 24/04/2011 18:02

It's is not unhealthy for him to need to be carried all the time. In fact some evidence suggests that this leads to more independent behaviour when they're older as they trust that when they need help and reassurance they can have it.

Some babies are wired this way I'm afraid and it's natural to worry and want to eliminate any potential causes. However, if there is none, then it's help and support to get through the next 3-6 months when things should get easier.

DD was very high needs but thankfully was a early walker and that has helped tremendously. She runs off everywhere despite needing so much input when she was younger.

I second the making sure she is going to bed at 9pm and also resting during any naps. The hungry milk contains no extra calories, it's just harder to digest so makes them fill full for longer, so as someone above said, if he's hungry then more feeds is the way to go.

Iggly · 24/04/2011 18:17

Is he getting enough sleep in the day? Babies that age shouldn't be kept awake for more than two hours max, 45-60 mins is ideal. I'd stick him in a sling all day every day for a week or so to encourage him to get enough naps. This will make him sleep better, more relaxed and most importantly stop any screaming due to overtiredness. Which is very common.

Also how often is she feeding? Sometimes there's a temptation to go every four hour with formula - try every three with smaller feeds. If you think he's got reflux, little and often is better.

Colief and infacol aren't much good for reflux - you either need to switch to hydrolysed formula if he's intolerant to cows milk (from your GP) or get meds such as infant gavsicon or rantidine (again from GP).

Giving him plenty of cuddles is good for him. Its what he needs at such a young age. If you don't do it when they're young, you're more likely to end up with a clingy child later.

acebaby · 25/04/2011 08:08

Google ' high needs baby'. My ds1 was like this. Screamed all the time unless being fed and I couldn't go anywhere. I don't think he had reflux. He hated his pram, so I put him in a forward facing push chair at 8 weeks (tilted at about 30 degrees). He liked to see out!

It was exhausting and I survived by socializing as much as possible, dh being utterly heroic, reducing expectations for housework etc. Things got better once he could sit up and walk. Tbh though he remained high needs and was a tricky toddler as well. At 5.9 hiwever he is wonderful. All of his difficult characteristics as a baby have developed into lovely parts of his personality.

I wish your daughter well and my heart goes out to her, I wish I had more constructive advice

yawningbear · 25/04/2011 08:57

Hi Lucyjack, my DD who is now 2.4 was like this too. My mum came to visit when she was 3 weeks old and apparently she screamed for 6 hours straight. Mum still often refers to it as she has had 4 of her own children and has 9 grandchildren and she said she had never seen anything like it. DD also loved her bath which was very calming for her. I wonder now if she had silent relux but at the time she was diagnosed with colic. As others have said the main thing that calmed her was being in a sling. Although she was happiest on me she would also tolerate being carried in a sling by others. One of my overiding memories is that of my Mum who is well into her 70's putting a screaming DD in the sling and striding of out of the front door for an hour long power walk. Apparently she stopped crying as soon as they left the house, at least thats what she told me at the time. DD was also calmed by being held whilst I gently bounced on a gym ball. Does he nap during the day? With my DD she was just so over tired that it was almost impossible to get her to sleep, hence hours of screaming.
Like some of the other posters things did start to get much better once she could move around. I also didn't think I would have another child as the first few months were just awful but I now have a 10 week old DS who is the total opposite. It is lovely that you are posting for advice/help for your DD and I hope things start to improve soon. If it is colic the day time screaming should lessen soon.

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