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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

A day spent with my misbehaving 7 year old nephew.

14 replies

hoquew · 22/04/2011 23:17

This is my first post, so I should probably check that's it OK for a guy to be member on here, I hope so.

Anyway, I have just spent the day with my nephew (through marriage) and it's really the first time that I've spent time alone with him and I can't honestly say that I didn't enjoy it at all; he spent most of the day stamping his feet when things weren't going his way (we were at the beach and the tide came in before we got to make a sandcastle) - and ignoring me and the rest of his family whenever we said anything ('come out of the sea as we're going home').

What I'm getting at isn't how to improve his behaviour, I'm just suddenly unsure that I will be able to cope with my own children. We are in the early stages of trying (in fact nobody knows that we're even doing that) and today has filled me with dread - am I just being paranoid? Is this just a bad day? I've only know my nephew for a couple of years and, as I said earlier, this is the first time I've spent proper time with the lad, so perhaps it'd be different with my own children?

Has anyone experienced this or similar?

Any advice would be gratefully received.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nothingnatural · 22/04/2011 23:47

Other peoples children are vile.

Also my own children are vile at times, but as they are mine I adore them, I'm also able to set my own rules and boundaries. As will you be.

Honestly just because you spent a day with a little pita, please don't judge all children by his low standards.

Hopefully you will go on to have children of your own and you will find that you love them madly, and they will also drive you to distraction. All perfectly normal.

KurriKurri · 22/04/2011 23:52

It is different with your own children, because you learn gradually bit by bit as they grow. You are not suddenly presented with a seven year old if you see what I mean

And you will know your own child and you will learn what works for you when you need them to co operate.

If you don't know your nephew all that well, it could be he was just having a bad day, or going through a bit of a phase. And there will always be some children you don't get on with as well as others - just as you find with adults.

Once you have your own children, dealing with other people's children becomes much easier, its largely a question of confidence, which you will acquire as your parenting experience grow.

You will be fine - don't let one grumpy little boy send you into a panic

sleepingsowell · 22/04/2011 23:55

don't worry about it at all. Nature is the strongest force - you will love and adore your child for the very same behaviour you've hated today! It will be "oh, he's so strong willed, look he won't come out of the sea, oh bless....he certainly knows his own mind, he's so clever for his age isn't he" etc etc etc.

I have one DS who is the love of my life and the best thing in the entire world, ever.

Other people's children however are just hateful

I wasn't at all maternal and was very ambivalent about babies when DH and I started trying. Was truly sick with fear when I did get pregnant.
But as I say, nature does take over and you fiercely love them and all they do (well, nearly all!) You can't compare how other kids seem to you and how your own does. What decided me to have kids at all was not seeing other people's, but remembering my own lovely childhood and feeling that I would enjoy re-creating that to some degree and enjoy giving someone else a lovely secure childhood.

Just ignore other people's kids as far as you can

Prunnhilda · 23/04/2011 00:00

Most kids are horrible some of the time, it's part of growing up. Bad luck to have got him on that day, I bet he's quite all right most/some of the time (I have a 7 yo boy.)

You will love your child/ren and though it's very hard to describe, it's really good, and quite often fun as well.

sleepingsowell · 23/04/2011 00:06

I had major feelings of inadequacy when pregnant as well due to my ambivalence about babies, and my almost complete lack of experience! My SIL was pregnant at about the same time and is one of those people who have always wanted kids, and who has a zillion god-children and was always taking out so and so's kid.
I was floored by motherhood, loved every second of my baby, absolutely found my niche in life - it was stunning.
She on the other hand has not enjoyed motherhood much until years later, hated the baby stage, etc etc etc
What I'm waffling on about is that other people's kids do not and cannot prepare you for your own experience, so finding one 7 year old v annoying is not anything to base your feelings on!

PaddyOHeater · 23/04/2011 08:19

I was very ambivalent towards children, in fact I didn't want any until I met my partner. I was very much banking on 'it'll be different when you have your own'.

Do you love children in general? Sorry to be a voice of doom, but I do regret having a baby, and I think there is a chance that it won't be different when you have your own. Unless you're passionate about children I'm not sure it's worth the risk.

Of course you'd be bringing up your child in your own way, so I agree with posters that it's hard to judge based on your day with your nephew, but I think it's useful to do what you're doing and try to imagine yourself in the role of parent. I had very little experience of babies and children, could you perhaps borrow one for a bit?

I wasn't prepared for the sheer relentlessness and thanklessness of parenting a baby. Sometimes the responsibility feels crushing. Not in the sense of 'she'd die if I didn't feed her', more in the sense that I have no freedom. I'm hoping it will improve as she gets older. Of course I love her, but not a day goes by without an element of regret.

Sorry for the long post, I hope I haven't come across as needlessly negative, I just wanted to present another point of view.

Gents always welcome on MN, by the way!

purepurple · 23/04/2011 08:34

DH always says how much he dislikes any children apart from his own Which is funny because all children make a beeline for him.

Original poster

hoquew · 23/04/2011 09:34

Wow! Thanks for the messages of support, I thought such a message would be a lost cause on here (the assumption I had was that Mumsnet is a site where only people who love children every waking hour go and I'd be shot down for not tolerating aforementioned 7 year old).

I should've mentioned that I have spent time with plenty of other children in my life and gotten on fine with most of them most of the time (which is the best I can hope for methinks).

OP posts:

cory · 23/04/2011 10:33

What others have said: remember what you've seen is a snapshot. He may be absolutely charming on another day or in another phase. I frequently post on here to say what a lovely teen my dd is and what a joy it is to have somebody like her around. Yesterday we had one of "those" days and suddenly I seemed to see everything about her in a different light- the Obnoxious Brat Light. This morning, after a good night's sleep, my equanimity is somewhat restored and I can see yesterday for what it was: one trying and not particularly pleasant day out of thousands. And thankfully, there was nobody else around to observe us...

PaddyOHeater · 23/04/2011 10:44

Ah, that puts a different context on it! If you've been exposed to loads of kids (IYSWIM ) and you've only had a wobble after your day with your nephew then I reckon you'd be fine!

Perhaps I should have spent a day at the beach with your nephew...

nothingnatural · 23/04/2011 12:30

Paddy, so sorry to hear that things aren't going so well. How old is your baby? If it helps at all imho babies are tough and it really really does get easier when they get a bit bigger.

Some people do find the whole baby thing a breeze but by no means all of us.

Hang in there xx

Prunnhilda · 23/04/2011 13:01

Paddy I had long periods when ds was 3/4/5 when I found it utterly thankless and unrelenting and limiting. Thankfully it's a job of ups and down or the human race would be doomed
I personally found the baby years ok-ish, the toddler/pre-schooler years I wanted to gnaw my fists down to bloody stumps in frustration, and the early school years have been enormous fun. Hope it gets better for you.

alligatorpurse · 23/04/2011 15:04

I think it's great that you're thinking about these issues. I was terribly naive before I became a mother. When faced with annoying children I thought "MY child will never do that." Ha!

What someone said further up about learning as you go and not suddenly having to cope with a 7 year old is really important. I now have my own annoying 7 year old boy (who can be totally hyper and infuriating and stubborn and funny and affectionate and many other things) but I remember when he was my adorable baby and did only wonderful things....

PaddyOHeater · 23/04/2011 19:22

Not wanting to hijack, but thanks to people who've said encouraging things.

DD is 10 months and I still haven't adjusted to the lack of sleep, and, as I said, the fact that you can never switch off from the responsibility. I hate it that the sound that wakes me far too early every day is a crying/complaining thing that needs my attention. Hopefully as you say, things will improve.

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