Awful behaviour in my lovely 7 year old - any ideas

[bubbles1510]

My 7 yr old is lovely, a bright happy girl who I love spending time with, but recently the attitude and back chat are becoming unbearable :(
She is currently in her room again for answering me back and has lost her club she adores on Wednesday ( I do follow through and she knows she wont be going)

She has just said sorry for the umpteenth time this week and I've sent her back to room because I am exhausted by it.

We do so much as a family, days out, days in, quality time. She plays out, chills out and really does have a lovely life so she isn't lacking in attention or affection at all, but she is constantly rude and sulky to myself and my partner and I am now at a loss, it's got to a point I don't want to take her out or do anything with her because she's so ungrateful and rude whatever we do.

Any advice please!!

Sarah xxx

Have you tried asking her - at a time that is not related to any difficult behaviour - if she is unhappy or is worried by anything? There may be something upsetting her that is causing a degree of 'acting out'. Have there been any family changes or things going on at school? You could ask her school how things are going.
There may not be anything, but it's worth exploring.
It's worth spending quality time gently encouraging her to talk about anything that might be on her mind, and letting her know that you will listen. Even if there is nothing right now that is bothering her it's a good thing to do as it encourages development of emotional intelligence - the child undertanding how and why they might be feeling a particular way and being able to manage their emotions and subsequent behaviour better.
Other than that, be very clear and exact about what behaviours in particular that you don't want her to do, and make sure you praise her when she is NOT doing those unwanted behaviours....give her exact feedback e.g "I really liked it when you spoke nicely to me then" or "You coped well when I said we had to go, you didn't get cross - well done!" etc. You're following through with sanctions which is great. Keep that up and apply with consistency. But try to choose sanctions that are applied at the time of the unwanted behaviour, rather than later.
A very good book to read re managing difficult behaviour in children is 'The Incredible Years' by Carolyn Webster Stratton.

You so have my sympathy. Went through this at age 7 and we are doing so again at the mo (aged 9). Mainly about going to bed, but lots of NO WAY during the day as well.

Be strong, and remember you are the parent. Try not to do the mean response thing. Just state what you are going to do if she doesnt do what she is asked and then follow through.

Also try not to hold on to the bad behaviour (as my DH sometimes does). What happened yesterday, happened yesterday. Today is always a new day, and a clean slate.

The Incredible Years is a very good book, btw!!!!

Good Luck!

Also, how do you define answering back? Is it refusing to do as she is told? Or is it wanting to have an input in decisions? Or voicing different opinions to you?

I have friends who tolerate what seems to me downright rudeness and others who see even the most gently voiced difference of opinion as a sign of disrespect, so hard to advise if we don't know the type of situation.

She is getting to an age where she will need more and more of a voice in family decisions, but at the same time, she will need to be taught ways of voicing a different opinion without coming across as obnoxious and uncooperative, and she will need to learn to recognise situations which simply do not allow of any discussions.