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Feeling tearful, toddler ds hits my friends' kids

5 replies

FoxtrotMikiLima · 22/04/2011 13:32

I'm feeling really low today. I invited a friend round this morning who lives locally - it s only the second time she's been round with her ds who is a few months older than my 20 month ds. I'm keen to make a proper friendship with her as she is really lovely, we are quite similar and live so close. However, ds, who is gorgeous on a one to one, is going through a difficult phase when around other children - he has a tendency to hit and push, particularly if they have a toy he wants, or worse still, is actually his.

I spent the whole morning stressed and embarrassed as my ds repeatedly pushed and hit her ds and although I think I did all i could to prevent him from doing so, I'm worried she won't want to come round again because of that, and also because I'm not properly myself or able to relax when he's like this so she won't get to know the real me.

Although it can be stressful when my other friends with kids the same age are around, at least they know me but most of us have gone back to work now and we don't see that much of each other.

I'm also fed up of the snide comments from some other mums at playgroup, usually mums of girls who are playing quietly. I always address ds's behaviour (pay more attention to the dc who ds has hit, remove ds for a few minutes, calmly and firmly tell him no etc) but it seems like this is not enough and I'm being judged as a crap parent who has created a bully.

Sorry this is a bit of an offloading ramble, and I am rather hormonal as pg with dc2.

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2cats2many · 22/04/2011 13:39

Most of us have had times like that. I remember going through a patch when I had to follow my DD around at playgroup apologising for her. She's a lovely kind little girl now. It's just one of those stages and most reasonable parents will understand that.

You might be imagining the looks in the playground. If you aren't, try and ignore them, tell yourself that it is a stage, it will pass and you are doing the right thing.

Then go home, make yourself a cup of tea and have a chocolate biscuit. Most things feel better after that.

Pancakeflipper · 22/04/2011 13:48

I know where you are coming from. My 'delightful' 2 yr old currently thinks biting is the funniest thing in the world.

Ok so you need to plan your reaction to his expected behaviour. Does Dr Green cover this in his toddler book (the only parenting book I have read). Must find my copy and check. So you can calmly react to him without getting steamed yourself cos you know what you are doing.

My DS2 does respond to time out. My DS1 never did - removal of beloved toys used to bring back into line. So you might have to test different methods to see what pushes his buttons in getting the response you wish.

Regarding nice mummy. Arrange to meet up for glass of lemonade or pub meal out, cinema without kids. You'll be less stressed and you can always chat about your son and his delightful pushing techniques.

As for mummies at toddler group. You are providing a fantastic service, you are rubbing their egos. They get to feel very superior at their angelic children. You should get free entry. I am that mummy tearing round like a loon after my wayward child whilst the smug mummy audience lookon with their score cards. I don't go when I feel a little emotionally fragile, justvin case I lose the plot with them. But there are also nice mummies too.

Your son will grow out of this. Keep him socialised, don't shy away. Will he be off to nursery at 3 yrs cos that might help?

choc1 · 22/04/2011 13:52

Honestly please dont stress because the good ol mn mantra is:

"Its all a phase and this too will pass".

I promise, i would bet this months wage that 9 out of 10 tots do this...FACT.

Its normal, and it a natural part of learnign how the world works, they have little empathy at such a young age.

You do exactlyt he right thing in removing him, telling him firmly "no", just ride the storm, then sit back and watch as every one elses toddler does the same thing.

missmehalia · 22/04/2011 13:55

What pancake said.

Meet up with the mum for an evening? You could probably do with the break...

FoxtrotMikiLima · 22/04/2011 14:04

I'm not one to use LOL ever, but pancake flipper LOL re mummies at toddler group comment.

I guess I need to just chill out a bit and stop worrying so much about what everyone thinks. I will suggest that night out with nice mummy. Good thinking batman.

Thanks 2cats I do keep a stock of chocolate biscuits precisely for that reason, although I generally have to eat them in stealth as ds has a refined sugar radar

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