How to 'discipline' a 16 month old?

[PartialToACupOfMilo]

My dd is 16 months old and is proving to be a very vocal and active child (which I actually love). Most of the time she is into everything and wants to help me with whatever I'm doing. A couple of days ago we planted some flowers in containers in the garden and she really loved it, got all messy and covered in dirt, watered the flowers - it was great. But now she keeps on getting handfuls of soils out of the containers and throwing it around the decking. Today she even pulled one of the plants out, I looked at her said no and she looked as though she knew she's done something wrong for a split second before pulling the soil off the roots of the plant and throwing that around. I've been saying 'no' in a firm voice and if she repeats the behaviour, taking her inside the house and sitting her on the carpet saying ' we do not take the soil out of the pots' and walking away from her, but it doesn't seem to be having any effect. I also bought her a trolley with sand in this afternoon to try and distract her but she just started throwing around the sand instead. What am I doing wrong?
PS we're in a terraced house with decking up the side return - this is where the pots are, so she walks past them whenever she goes into the garden and we can't really move them at the moment as dh is currently laying turf outside. I want her to be outside when it's nice weather too as I want her to get some fresh air. What do I do???? [buconfused]

Gosh, I didn't realise it was still going...

Celadon I put discipline in inverted commas as I meant it in a teaching/learning kind of sense rather than a physical punishment kind of way and wanted to show that. I want her eventually, though not yet obviously, to have developed some kind of self discipline and it is meant in the sense of starting her off on this path. The inverted commas are instead of choosing a different word - they indicate that it is meant in a different way.

Also, I don't shout 'no' at her or fly off the handle or anything like that. I'm a pretty patient kind of person really (teaching MFL in a seconday school does that to you after a while!)

A sand trolley is just a little pull along cart with the sand in. And she has started to play with this a bit more now.

Anyway update on the behaviour: The grass is starting to root a bit now so I don't think we'll be marooned on the decking for much longer and hopefully there will be greater delights than the plant pots. Term starts tomorrow and so dd will also be at the CMs for a few days which means less time in the garden, giving the grass a bit more time too. We've also decided to move a few pots to the front garden and have been encouraging dd to water the flowers on the decking with her little watering can, which does seem to stop her from uprooting the plants and removing the soil. We'll get there I'm sure

MFM I must presume you never go to people's houses that aren't childproofed to the hilt? Sometimes you can't just move things. Of course they don't understand no in the very beginning but it grows as they understand words. Why if I use the word "no" do you assume I "bark orders" and do not give reasons for why you can't touch something? Ridiculous assumptions. I don't know any of my friends who do not say no firmly, and then do everything else that you suggest too. (think you may be being a bit PFB if I'm honest- try not saying no to a highly strung and active 3 year old boy)

MFM,

I am trying to imagine "everything that I do coming back at me". It would be fantastic if my 22 month old cooked me dinner, cleaned up after me, then popped out to buy me a few clothes with his own money. Until then, I think I may discard this ridiculous modern idea (seems especially prevalent on MN) of symmetry in a child/parent relationship.

Also, if you have two siblings who could potentially hurt one another, they have to start to understand a firm "no". It is hard work getting there but they get it in the end.

mrs i wouldn't let ds out of my sight if the environment wasn't safe and would pick him up and carry him away if in danger or going to break something. I wouldn't expect my saying no to make him suddenly develop impulse control.

If i went to touch something and someone shouted "no" at me i would consider this barking orders.

Pfb or just different from you?

Larry iirc from other threads, if your dc's did to you as you did to them they would hit you.

The modern parenting you refer to with such distane is based on what we now know about child development. Do you believe the sun goes so round the earth too?

MFM,

Def PFB!

They would hit me gently once in a blue moon after several warnings, cook me dinners, teach me about the world, comfort me when I wake up at night etc. I would take the trade any day.

It is "disdain" by the way. Is it really? Please tell me your sources concerning child development?

There are plenty of books on the matter by people far better at explaining it than i larry.

Moon as adults we do get 'barking orders' and 'no' every day. 'No rubbish', 'no food or drink here', 'no trolleys after this point', etc. and at work you have a pack of rules too regarding breaks, phonecalls, and everything. Are you objecting to signs telling you 'NO mobile use' or 'NO smoking'?

no laquitar i don't have a problem with no in context. It's the way i see some people shouting "no" at a child without explaination, often repeating it over and over to the frustration of the child, rather than changing the situation (move, distract etc) as though children should be conditioned to freeze on command, which even if it did happen, doesn't teach them anything about their environment/what is socially acceptable.
I haven't said anything about not having rules.

I expect signage to be concise rather than polite. Written english is different to spoken. Most verbal requests, even recorded ones like in train stations use proper sentences.

Ok i see what you mean now. I agree about shouting 'no' without explanation (although in some situations most of us have done it).

Moving away and distracting i think is suitable for little babies or as short term solution but it doesn't teach anything really. I think OP wanted a long term solution and i think at this age is more suitable to start doing what i have suggested above ('we don't do this but we do this instead', demostrate what you want her to do and praise this, turning the negative into positive).

Of course different things work with different dcs. I could 'teach' my ds and dd2 what to do and what not to do but with dd1 i had to just move her away or move objects. OP will have to read all the suggestions and then see what suits her and her dd.

MFM,

How do you know there has been no explanation when you hear a parent barking "no" at a toddler? If you saw me barking at my son, you may v well feel it is explanationless but you would not have heard the 100+ times that he has been told: "you don't bite your brother because it hurts a lot and we only use our teeth to eat food". Also, if you know your own child, you can tell when they are doing something genuinely by mistake or deliberately to push the boundaries.