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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is this just a teens blip?

11 replies

Celibin · 19/04/2011 21:04

About a year ago my 14 year old nephew stole some money from my bag. I spoke up about this and advised in the future to ask for money. I always give at Xmas and birthdays etc .Unfortunately I have this Internet which he uses and when family here at Christmas he went behind backs and spend on games using my credit card: imagine we are enjoying xmas dinner and presents and he does this. I made it v clear when I got internet that I did not want my bank details given out on there. More recently he has taken £20 out of my purse . On his birthday I sent £20 remember getting it out of bank specially but he denies receivin g it and asks for more.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DurhamDurham · 19/04/2011 21:08

Not normal behaviour for any age. Being a teen is no excuse to steal money. To my knowledge my two teens have never stolen anything, they have been taught from an early age that stealing anything is wrong.

Jellykat · 19/04/2011 21:18

No, not a blip IMO.. My 2 DSs would never do/ have never done this.
Absolutely out of order..

How have his parents dealt with this?

BCBG · 19/04/2011 21:24

How did he get your card? If he took it from your purse without your consent then it was theft. You can (and I think should) ask the police to speak to him. You can tell them you won't support charges if you like but I am also certain that they wouldn't charge him but they would issue him with a reprimand. It is serious enough for you to need to deal with it properly. As far as stealing from your bag is concerned, you should make sure that he never has the opportunity to steal from you again. Agree with Jellykat, what are the parents doing?

Original poster

Celibin · 20/04/2011 08:04

The police have already been involved

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Original poster

Celibin · 20/04/2011 09:08

The child took my credit card out of my bag when presumably we were all here at Christmas. He simply took it into the spare room with the pc and then having placed an order put the card back in my purse : I only knew when I got the bill. The parent has promised to make recompense as this was not first time (i Had involved the police previously)but child has still gone ahead and stolen again. All I can do is reduce contact so on his birthday I cancelled a nice meal I was planning and he will get nothing for Christmas . Best to keep away from him

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Jellykat · 20/04/2011 20:02

I think your DN should be made to recompense, his parent isn't doing him any favours by bailing him out.

If involvement with the police didn't deter him.. it's seriously bad news for the future...I would suggest if you cancelled his birthday meal etc, that you make sure he fully understands why, he needs to directly see some consequences for his actions.

I'd say repeating the offence so shortly after the xmas incident, really suggests his parent isn't doing enough to sort him out. Sorry..you are in a tricky position, i presume 'the parent' is a BIL/SIL?

GKlimt · 21/04/2011 01:55

Seems a bit more than a blip to me FWIW

I wonder why your DN is needing/wanting this money - ?smoking/?drugs/?alcohol/?paying off debts/?buying friendships/?bullies etc etc.

Maybe, he could find a job to pay back what he owes and learn how hard it is to earn money?

Original poster

Celibin · 21/04/2011 10:12

Your responses have been brilliantXXX Yes the parent is unable to cope-this is on reflection- the cause Yes, you are right

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Jellykat · 21/04/2011 20:07

That's sad Celibin, i guess you need to think about how involved you want to be, or can afford to be..

It sounds like some real honest open conversations are required.. whether this will be welcome is another matter, not to mention if you feel you can..The parent could either tell you to butt out, or be grateful for some support

Original poster

Celibin · 24/04/2011 13:56

Thanks. I think my support is needed. I reckon child also steals from parent and no there is no question of drugs etc At this stage have approached parent and recompense has been offered. I have suggested child receives weekly allowance rather than all this nicking left right and centre as no one knows where they are.

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Jellykat · 24/04/2011 19:48

Just a thought, but i recently opened a bank account for DS2 (13), his dad puts pocket money in once a month, and he has a Debit card..This means he manages his own money,feels a bit more 'grown up' and if he wants something he saves for it..he can buy things online too. (with no danger of overdrawing!)

Be careful though, it's obvious you really care about your DN, but you don't want him taking the piss! I'd definitely make it clear that if he's caught stealing again, the allowance will stop.

Good luck Celibin.

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