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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Pooing in pants at 8

11 replies

mrsmadmum · 19/04/2011 19:51

Today our family went out to a statley home, we were walking round the gardens and our ds (8) clearly needed the toilet fidgiting etc... i asked him if he needed to go to the loo he just said no so we carried on walking and when we got to the cafe it was obious he had pooed his pants i was ferious he does this regularly and it is not a health problemjust lazyness weve tried every thing starcharts, telling off etc... i always have a spear set of clothes in the car but ive come to the end of my teather having to go into the toilet pull his messy pants down cleaning him up like a baby and the infuriating thing is he doesent seem to care i told him im not bringing spears anymmore he'll either have to sit in it or wear some of dds knickers i really need some help as i dont know what to do... sometimes i get sooo angy i smack him, which i always feel bad about but hes nearly 9 and i dont know what to do...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RuthChan · 19/04/2011 20:04

Have you tried telling him that he'll have to wear nappies if he can't go to the loo like a normal 8 year old? Maybe the threat of you treating him like a baby would work.

nannyl · 19/04/2011 20:33

i wouldnt be putting an 8 year old in nappies!

i suggest going to GP and getting proffesional help. There are plenty of medical proffeesionals who deal with these type of issues, even if it is a psychological problem as opposed to a physiological problem

buffy13 · 19/04/2011 21:00

My nephew went through the same thing at about the same age, maybe a year or so younger, my sister used to go mental which did not help the situation! In their case she had split up with his dad a few months earlier and they had just moved house etc so I think it was definately due to the upset he had been through, it lasted 3-4 months and then stopped, I suppose once he felt secure again and settled in his new home, school and adapted to not having daddy around all the time. I'm not saying that your child has any psychological issues but this was the case with my nephew :-)

buffy13 · 19/04/2011 21:03

Oh and I would definately not smack, best thing is to say very little, don't show frustration, clean him up and not make a big deal out of it, after all negative attention is still attention, and ignoring it as much as you possibly can may help.

muddyangels123 · 19/04/2011 21:15

When my DS1 was young, he didn't like using public toilets for a poo.
He still doesn't, my DS2 will only use them if they are clean.
Also, my DD has IBS problems and sometimes can't hold on for very long. I always take a spare set of clothes and ask/take Dd to the loo every hour when out.
I sometimes say i need the loo to stop her moaning.
I don't punnish, there's usually a reason for doing this, you just need to get to the bottom of the issue. sorry for the pun.
If worried i would go to the GP.
My DD is under a consultant for her problem.
I know DS1 was scared of a monster coming out of the loo.

Original poster

mrsmadmum · 20/04/2011 17:32

We went to the doctors a few weeks ago and they said there was nothing wrong... Hes just soiled again (at home) i just left him, told him if he did it he would have to sort it out, dont know if it was the right thing to do. might have to go down the nappy road if he doesent improove

OP posts:

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 21/04/2011 23:08

No 8 year old poos their pants just for the hell of it.. so there IS a problem whether it is physical, or psychological/behavioural. The GP sounds very unhelpful to be honest and I would go see a different doctor and ask to be referred to a paediatrician and take it from there.

Punishing him is NOT the right step.. nor is threatening him with nappies ..frankly I can't believe anyone thinks it's ok to suggest that.. it won't solve the issue and will be utterly humiliating for him. It's ok, assuming that he is capable, to ask him to clean himself up and maybe deal with the dirty pants (ie rinse them and put them in the washing machine) but it's NOT ok to smack him, threaten him or leave him in them.. that is just vile.

I'd start by ruling out the obvious.. does he have loose bowels/ or constipation which can cause overflow poos? Is he scared of using the toilet.. does he associate it with pain from previous hard poos, or does he just feel unable to go in public loos. Does he get too busy playing and leave it too late? Or does he feel the need for attention so that negative attention is what he responds to (I'm not saying this is the case but it happens more often that you would think!)

I work with children who have special needs and poos in the wrong place are something I deal with daily. Without exception there is always a REASON for the behaviour even if it is not apparent and rather than getting angry it really helps to try and work through the reasons.

Also.. given that there IS a problem.. what have you done so far to address the problem? Is there a reward system in place.. a day with no poo-ed pants = a star on a reward chart. 7 stars = new toy/ sweets/cinema.. whatever WORKS for your son. It makes no odds whether you think 'well I shouldn't have to do star charts cos he's too old to be poo-ing his pants' he IS so you need to get creative.

Apologies if you are already doing these things but the fact that you are hitting your child makes me think that you may need to step back and think about positive steps to help him. However he may APPEAR I doubt very much that he doesn't care..

MillsAndDoom · 22/04/2011 10:25

Agree with everything that Medusa has said.

alwaysright · 27/04/2011 12:15

Try "rock and pop" technique with him, about an hour after his meals, he needs to sit on the loo, feet on a small step (like a toddler loo step thingy), place both hands, on top of each other , on his lower abdomen and he has to slowly lean all the way forwards to all the way back, to sitting position and repeat - ideally for about 10mins, but you tend to find after the first 2 mins, it works! This will help empty his bowels if pooh is just sitting there waiting to be pushed out!
You may need to get a toddler seat for the loo as my son has such a small bum, he disappears down the loo,when he sits up, as he can't hold on to the sides! :-)

stressy123 · 06/05/2011 16:38

I know exactly how you feel my ds is nearly 6 and cannot get him to do no 2s in the toilet at all. I have decided its not worth the stress of shouting or useless star charts - seems to just cause other bad behaviours so am hoping nature will take its course. Good book from a website called ERIC called "poo Go Home" however still hasn't done the trick yet but he enjoys reading it. Sorry if this is just a lot of waffle and not much help

mamalocco · 06/05/2011 16:58

If he is unhappy about going to the toilet and is regularly holding it for as long as possible he could be suffering from an extended bowel and may not be able to feel he needs to go or have any control. With DD2 (6) I have to make sure she goes and sits on the toilet after breakfast and dinner for a few minutes - this keeps her fairly regular. My understanding is that an extended bowel can take some time to revert back to normal so you may have to be patient and micro manage his diet and toilet routine in the meantime.

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