I need MN like never before.

[TheOriginalFAB]

I have to post and run as my cat is due at the vet and this will be long but need to tell you everything. If you know me in RL please don't out me but send me a PM.

My son is a surviving twin after I lost his twin while pregnant. He had cranial osteopath treatment and was told by the man things he couldn't have known if he wasn't getting them from DS. He had shut his body down and wasn't hearing/reacting to noise due to the stress of losing his twin and the birth which was also traumatic.

DS has issues, he is very loving and likes to be close physically, sits near me always touching/stroking me arm for example. He doesn't yet understand about personal space but we are working in that.

He has had several hearing tests, some failed, some passed.

He has just had treatment from a different osteopath who sensed a closedness about him and a sadness. Physically there are issues but he will be fine as he grows. I will be talking to her in 2 weeks about taking him back.

His siblings know he had a twin but we haven't told ds2 yet. He is 5 and he is emotional and tbh I think he wouldn't understand and he would be really sad. He cried when he heard I had had a needle in my back to have ds1 and also when I told him I had fallen over. I thought I was giving them a laugh. He is very affectionate, emotional and caring. The osteopath said I need to tell him, and we will, but when and how? DH and I feel he is too young, it is too soon.

Any advice at all would be great.

Back later after the vet trip, hopefully with my cat.

Yes I think DS has empathy but doesnt really process it. He will still laugh at people hurting themselves (he is 8) but cares deeply for his little brothers.

He looks very suprised when I try and explain that his laughing is innapropriate and people might think he is being mean.

Sounds like an imbalance, and I wonder if sometimes it's becuase they often see so much slapstick / you've been framed type 'comedy' and then we expect them to jump from that to real life which is harder for them; there's a thing called gaze shift that's about how people on the spectrum struggle to jump between situations and that might well back that (random theory of mine) up.

You are so knowlegable

As you are..... please help me sort out DS's bloody eating thing. Just found all the baby's biscuits (empty packets) behind DS's bed. So far this holiday we have had him eat a box of milkshake powder and a tub of icing plus the usual sugar snaffling.

It really is driving me mad. He had two big holes in his teeth. Went to the dentist and was really good. He came back detirmined that he would do it anymore and seemed to understand why.
The school are helping us too.
Nothing seems to help.

Why does he do it? Is it the ASD?

to be clear- we dont buy a lot of sugary things.

Anything and he will get it though. cake mix etc.

I wish I was MrsDV LOL- the problem is that old thing where the more I learn the more I realise how little... well yes.

The eating: I think it probably is becuase ds1 does it too, it's a complusion for him, we've been through eating disorder counselling and not got anywhere. Oh he convinced the daffy psych (who admittedly did mention she didn;t have any ASD experience in fairness) he was sorted but he's like that.

DS1 has had many teeth removed and the adult ones are now yellow; brushing is a sensory difficulty for him so we try and get nowhere.

DS1 says: whenever he gets hungry and shouldn't he is driven toeat and you should leave small snacks on the table at all times.

Methinks ds1 is trying it on but there'll be grains of truth in thre somewhere.

Have you looked at his blood sugar levels? think that's a lot of why ds does it but primarily I think he does it becuase it's nice and becuase he doesn;t have the social understanding to process why his needs (self defined need) comes after my need to watch his diet and know what's in the cupboards. A lot of it comes down to that notion of extreme self-serving tbh. After all, 'aut' does mean self.

I would consider seeing a psych though; ASSD can be linked to eating disorders and ds is diagnosed with one now. It's not worth leaving IMO, although I have a 5st very ill friend whose aprents did ignore so am a bit absolutist about that.

I sort of think 'well I wouldnt expect my toddler to resist so why should I expect DS2). He has developmental delay. But I do feel its deeper than that.

As an adopted child who suffered neglect and early trauma it can get very deep if you look into it.

He doesnt do it at school and is horrified at the thought of doing so. MInd you I dont think he would have the chance as the staff ratio is so high. He does it in a sneaky way so some element of control but yet he seems unable to stop himself whatever the consquences!

Arrgggh.

I find your posts very interesting. Thank you

Just as expected DH said DS2 is not being assessed. This was after I told him the staff member had said she needed all the information before he is assessed.

Fab did you do the childhood questionnaire on that link? If you get lots of yes' then take him for some treatment, you don't need any diagnose they do some simple phyiscal "tests" and then teach you the exercises. Regardless of what has caused the issues you are concerned about it will him if he has any retained reflexes.

CarGirl - I have just done it and he got 4 yeses. I didn't do the part for over 7 years old as he is 5.

That's not really very many I would look at the over 7 ones in case there any that leap out.

Why is your dh so against any sort of assesment?

Just did the over 7 one and there was 1 tick.

What do you mean by not very many? It says if over 7 yeses he will need assessing.

DH thinks he is fine. I will do what I think is best.

If you've only got 5 yes' in total then it is unlikely that NDD treatment could help - although perhaps it would but not as greatly as if you had 10 yes'

Diagnosis are positive things but treatments that help people fulfill their potential are even better IYSWIM.

How do you think you will go forward from here?

I will talk to the school and continue seeing the osteopath with him. Other than that I don't know.