11 months old & tantrums

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Please help, my 11 month old daughter has started having tantrums, screaming and arching her back, I don't know how to react? She has them when changing her nappy and also when she doesn't get what she wants including being picked up and carried all the time.

Help please!

Hi my 10 month old son is going through the same thing, its normal part of development and partly due to frustration at not being able to get around where they want (or get what they want!!) and partly the clingy phase of separation anxiety, currently I can't go for a wee and leave my boy in travel cot in doorway where he can see me without him screaming his head off :-)) I was getting quite stressed with it but have decided that best thing is just accept it and have a little limpet for a while, housework will have to wait, and hopefully when he is crawling properly (almost there) or walking he will become a happier child!

Try not to think of them as tantrums. The word has such negative associations. At this age they are just upset and frustrated. I find thinking of it like that makes me more sympathetic and that makes it easier to cope with.

On top of comforting them (cuddles) I think at this age distraction is your best weapon. Wave a favourite toy, wooden spoon, noisey thing, what ever.

As they get older it's important to acknowledge their feelings, and explain why they can't climb on the dog/eat gravel/go out naked etc. I try and do this already even though ds doesn't really understand yet. It's important for me to make it a habbit before he does understand. It must all seem pretty mean and arbitrary to them when they don't get the ways of the world.

I agree with MoonfaceMama - she's frustrated and doesn't understand why she can't do what she thinks she needs.

I use techniques from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, which I'd definitely recommend. DS is still a bit young (15 months) but I've been using them for about 6 months by way of training both him & me. Like MFM, I describe how he's feeling, offer sympathy, explain why he can't do it (phrase it positively e.g. 'you need to stay inside', not 'you can't go outside'), offer a next best ('we'll go outside this afternoon) and distract.

Even several months ago, I found that when I really took the time to stop and give DS my full attention when he was crying with frustration, he got over it a lot faster than when I tried to hurry him onto the next thing.

There's also a big developmental leap at around 46 weeks and in the run-up to it, this sort of behaviour is really common. They're scared by the changes in the way they see the world (their brains are developing suddenly) and need extra reassurance from you. It usually calms down again once the leap is over.

This behaviour will only turn into tantrums if she finds out that doing it achieves something. You just need to be calm and reassuring but firmly carry on with what ever you were doing (or not doing) if that was what kicked it all off.

Do whatever it was as quickly and efficiently as possible then swiftly move onto something interesting or exciting to distract her.

Don't worry about others judging you when she lets rip - every parent has been there.