Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Pretty help!! I'm out of my depth with my 2year old :-(((

11 replies

looneytuney · 18/04/2011 23:04

Hi, I was just wonering if there's any other mum who is experiencing or had the same problems with their toddler as I have at the moment?
My 2year old son's behaviour at the moment is causing me to panick an awfull lot lately over his safety when out & about. He doesn't walk besides me or his daddy, always running away from us and lately it has picked up with him just not stopping when asked to do that. I live in constant fear he would be ran over by a car as he doesn't stop unless I hold him very firm and to me it seems as if I'm the only one mum on this planet who doesn't know how to make him understand when to stop. :-((( I've tried every approach and inform myself as much as possible on the matter, it just seems impossible for me to get through to him at the moment.:-((((
I am thinking to get him a harness again as I just don't want him to constantly hear 'STOP!!' or 'DON'T RUN!!' and the sorts. I want to see him enjoy his time outside the house like I see other children, some younger than him even, but at the same time for him to be responsive to me when needed.
If anyone has practical advice I will be forever grateful.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MavisEnderby · 18/04/2011 23:09

Umm.Maybe reins are the way to go,or insisting he holds your hand.

My youngest has a mental age of about 2 but luckily for me she isn't that fast and can't run off,so I keep a tight grip of her hand.

I feel with 2 year olds though,repetition is usually needed,even if it sounds like you are saying it 100000000 times a day like a stuck record.Eventually it sinks in,even though it is very wearing at the time,I remember it well with my "normal" child

Ishtar2410 · 18/04/2011 23:09

Snap! My son is exactly the same - he was two last month. No longer stops when we ask him, happily runs off and generally tries to shorten my life...

We have put him back on reins, but that's a challenge in itself as he sits down and refuses to move!

I keep telling myself that it's a developmental thing (can't remember it being quite so bad with DD, though) and I'm pretty much reinforcing to him that it's not OK to run off near to the road - even going as far as to hold onto his arm so that he can't escape (and then looking like the evil mum!). He gets an ultimatum now; if he doesn't hold hands, then he's lifted and carried. Hasn't had much effect yet, but here's hoping.

Sometimes you feel like you are the only one, but I'll bet there are lots of us about! Don't lose heart and keep on doing what you're doing.

Bohica · 18/04/2011 23:09

My DD has just turned 3 & I still take the buggy out when we go for walks. I use it as a weapon, she walks holding my hand or a few steps ahead & stops when I say stop or she goes in the babby buggy.
She hates the baby buggy with a passion & will do anything I say that stops her being wrestled put into the baby buggy.

You could use reins instead & use them as a threat, lots of little talks about going for a walk very soon & you must hold my hand etc, oh & leave extra time to get to where you are going so you have time t issue warnings & deal with him not behaving.

It was hard at the start but well worth it as she now offers me her hand as soon as she gets out of the front door.

piprabbit · 18/04/2011 23:13

Sounds like my DS (very nearly 3).

He really doesn't like to hold hands and loves to run ahead, but we've put a lot of work into practicing stopping when I call (turned it into a game and practiced in a safe place away from cars and roads). We've also talked a lot about how dangerous roads are, what could happen etc. so that it's not just me yelling at him for no reason.

Also, I give him a choice between walking or being carried, if he runs when I say not to then I carry him (which he hates), which seems to be encouraging him to walk more.

I found harnesses really unhelpful as he would go into a sort of death roll and just end up tangling us both up terribly.

Whatever you decide to do, you need to be really consistent and calm so that your message is really strong and clear.

Good Luck

MindySimmons · 18/04/2011 23:13

The littlelife backpacks are a god send, little ones love them and you'll be surprised how quickly this phase will pass. In the mean time, they will look very cute with their backpack!

Original poster

looneytuney · 18/04/2011 23:20

BIG Thank You to you all!! It has warmed my heart to receive all your support, especially after today's experience at the park where every other parent arround gave me their 'look' as if I was the biggest failure when they saw me calling at him, and he didn't want to stop and so I had to run after him for dear life.
If we continue like this for some time, since he's a sprinter I might be ready in time for the Olympics :-))) with the training I get from him.
The thing that gets me down is that no matter how much we both talk to him, me & hubby, and explain this and what's going to be, it seems like it goes past his ears. Not bothered :-)). And he is clever, he understands quite a lot for his age, so we're sure it's not the communication bit that fails.
Anyway, I will dust off the reins and keep on talking to him as you girls advised, and we'll keep you posted about the progress :-)).

OP posts:

Bohica · 18/04/2011 23:34

Sounds like you are both trying really hard! You need to be consistent in punishing thhe bad behavior & encouraging the good behaviour, you need him to realize that mummy is nice & happy when he listens & does as he is told whe he is doing what you say.

It will be hard for a few weeks & you must ignore those looks from the better than thou clan, believe in what your doing for the best & stuff the others

TheHouseofMirth · 18/04/2011 23:50

My DS interprets "stop" as "run away as fast as you can"... He loathes his Little Life backpack so I also use the buggy and carrying threat. I think it's just a repetion thing. We were in a car park the other day and a car moved towards him and he shot to my side so there is an element of him that does get it but there's so much excitement in his world that he has to be constantly reminded of the dangers. I don't think it's bad behaviour, just a combination of toddler exhuberance and increasing desire for independence which are sadly incompatible with their safety and your sanity!

Original poster

looneytuney · 19/04/2011 00:36

@Bohica, thank you, your support is really soothing for my all too tired mind and soul!
@TheHouseofMirth, I too have to use the buggy to re-inforce the 'time-out' for the bad behaviour. I couldn't go without it anyway as I suffer from really bad back so have no alternative at the moment. Like you said, I guess it is the combination of excitement and desire of independence, he is after all strong headed since he was a little baby. I knew I will have to work hard, but never new what lies ahead :-)). as for my sanity, I've never been the 'normal' type anyway, so that should help me :-))).

OP posts:

PlopPlopPing · 19/04/2011 09:01

Mine the same and has run in the road. Started using the buggy again after that and he stays in it when we are near busy roads and can walk when on quieter ones. Gradually they learn to stop when you say so but there is no rush, do it bit by bit.

BikeRunSki · 19/04/2011 09:10

Mine was the same, from about 2 and we have had to be very, very strict. It has taken months, but he will now do "nice walking", hold my hand and wear his LL backpack. But really, months and months of tantrums in the street, tears and so on. Good luck, it is worth perservering.

Flip