when do you stop putting explosive outbursts of frustration down to age...

[chipkid]

and consider whether your child may have a problem that needs investigation?

depends how often they were occuring... i think they still do this for quite a while if it is pure frustration

I still have them and I am 41.

but seriously, lots of children I see still do something similar aged 6, 7, 8...it depends on the circumstances.
Are you worried about something?

I still have them when I'm with my own parents

Under the age of 8, maybe up to 10 depending on the emotional maturity of the child otherwise, I wouldn't worry. After that I would have concerns. IMO.

Ummmmmm 50????? My dd is 7 and still has a burst quite often. I tell her to grow up (not helpful I know).In my case I have two younger sons 4 and 2 who are huge wobbly throwers and I think she gets pulled down with them with regard to this. I am hoping when they get older and settle down that she will stop also. Can you reason with your child?? If I calm my dd down and reason with her about the issue she understands and takes it well.

just got all your messages-ds is 4!-but at the minute he is blowing up pretty much all of the time-it is draining. He becomes very angry with me too-calling me stupid and trying to hit me.He was given a new toy the other day and went to pieces because it did not do what he wanted-this happens with pretty much every new toy he gets! (he is not spoilt-only birthdays and christmas usually)he seems to lack any control at the minute

4 year old testosterone burst .. totally natural ..

Completely normal (if incredibly irritating!) chipkid - as long as you are not fussing over him when he throws a wobbly (ie he is not earning extra attention for it), it is a phase that will pass.

thanks twiglett and miaou-that's what I need to hear! I do think he gets a lot of attention for his wobbler-we live in an open plan house and it is difficult to wlak away-also he always has the potential to break something in his temper-so am worried about ignoring him too much!. Use time out a lot-in spare room upstairs-but carrying him up the stairs gives him an opportunity to batter me on the way up!!! just hope it passes soon!

could you introduce a "Calm down" area - eg a small mat or a bean bag, where he has to sit until he is in control of himself again? Sort of like a naughty chair but with the emphasis on control rather than punishment.

Has he just started school by any chance??

oooh yes ladysherlock-he has!-but the obsession with toys working perfectly-having no bits missing etc has always existed-it has become worse since September tho!

Chipkid.........do a behaviour chart for him. My ds is 3.7 yrs and blew up over everything. i did a 'supernanny' chart and it has been fantastic! He has calmed down completely and is a treasure again - just like he used to be.

We made a castle out of paper and stuck it on a big piece of paper. We made a drawbridge with a foto of him and his brother. There were numbers from 1-14 and a huge dragon at the bottom. To gain a step he had to eat his breakfast, lunch and dinner properly, be nice to his brother and no kicking, hitting etc all day. he could only gain a step a day and we would discuss it in the evening to see if he was worthy of it.

During the day, if he started to blow up, he would be given a warning about the loss of a step and it would calm him down while he thought about it. He got his 14 steps today and was given his prize of a game he wanted.

Tomorrow we start again with 21 steps to the castle. It has truly been alifesaver tho dh says we will be skint if we have to fork out for a present every fortnight!!

Try it!!

thanks collision-will try this x

About 8. Up til then, their range of emotions is very limited, and anger is used to convey all sorts of emotions eg frustration, boredom and tiredness. Once they get to about 8, they start developing the ability to use other forms of communication to convey these feelings - but up until then, they can't, sadly! That's not to say that they should not be helped to see that anger is not always appropriate - so use the other methods eg, thinking room, star charts etc.

8 Oh holy heart

I only know all this because we see a psychologist (and recently had a couple of one-to-one sessions with a child psychiatrist) for DS's very violent tempers. He's nearly 8, so at long last our hard work is paying off

LGJ

Scurries off and puts DS up for short term adoption,

paolosgirl-when did you first seek help for your ds-at what age was he when you first become really worried ?

We were worried by about the time he was 18 months. He was having extreme temper tantrums on a daily basis (and not just one or 2 - it was many), headbanging, screaming with rage. It was awful. I had to cope with that, a new baby, and him going into hospital for heart surgery!

The rages continued really from then, although we are seeing progress now, but it took a visit to my GP, who then referred us to the psychology dept. Our HV was useless, and we were finally referred to our local family centre, who told us that they didn't think there was a problem, and that they see far worse. No help at all. I did all the parenting courses I could, and worked far harder at being a parent than most other people I know, but I felt like a complete failure as nothing seemed to work. Thankfully, things are on the up

that sounds really rough paolosgirl glad that things are on the up for you. Sometimes you really have to fight to get taken seriously by the Professionals don't you?!