Getting harder instead of easier, ideas, advice and stories of hope here please

[izpie]

I have a 20wk old dd who I'm finding increasingly hard work rather than getting easier and it's really starting to wear me down. Apart from really rubbish nights up to about 3months was fine. She's always been an active rather unsettled baby but slept well enough in the day and would entertain herself for a little while on playmat/babygym for short periods. Now at 20 weeks she gets upset after a few minutes independent play, cries and fusses in the pushchair, naps for only 10-30mins at a time and just seems generally miserable & perpetually annoyed. The only thing that has got slightly better is nights, we're down to 2 night feeds. I've blamed immunisations, teeth (she has 2 bottom ones), overtiredness, but really I'm starting to think this is just who she is. Thing is I'm struggling with it & feel constant guilt over my 3 year old who is coping with very little attention brilliantly, dd2 screams in the sling so that's not an option either.

Keep hoping this is a brief phase but as it's been a month now I guess I have to give up on that. Any suggestions or ideas would be really appreciated. Sorry for rambling!

Sometimes as they become more aware of the world they get more frustrated at their limitations IYSWIM? can she be propped up with cushions yet?

Have you come across the idea of Fussy or High Needs babies Dr Sears site.

ds was very hard work at that age and I also felt it was getting worse. He seemed a bit happier when he could sit from 5.5 months, bit happier now he can crawl and pull up from 8.5 months. Walking and talking are also supposed to be breathroughs.

actually learning how to do this stuff has resulted in a lot of frustrated crying and disturbed sleep. His sleep is terrible, waking up every half hour last night. He is our first so I don't know if he is harder work than most other babies but it can't last forever?

I agree that once she can DO more stuff, she will be happier.

Sears is brill on this.

I found my DS very hard work at about 4-5 months as he would just SCREAM with frustration at things.

Now he has started crawling, although he is a total danger magnet, he is actually a lot happier as he can get to things and play with them.

He is still quite a lot of work, so we go out a lot and go swimming twice a week and to the park and generally I just try to let him be as active as possible.

He also went from sleeping through the night at 11 weeks to waking once or twice a night as he would roll over, go onto hands and knees and wake up. He did this for 2 1/2 flippin months.

You have my sympathies but I do think from other babies at my mum's group, the very active ones do find that period where they can't get around really frustrating.

Hi my son is the same, was extremely grumpy from 2 weeks to 4 months then improved slightly but still grumpy compared to other babies, he's now 10 months and has got steadily worse again over last couple of months, I think its partly frustration cos he's not crawling properly yet (drags himself around the floor or rolls lol!) and now got the separation anxiety phase too so I literally can't put him down for a second and even if I go for a wee and put him in travel cot in doorway so he can see me he still cries his eyes out! He hates going out in pushchair and moans and whinges the whole time or goes into full blown screaming so don't go out much now either. Its been really wearing me down this week but I'm sure it will pass, I've just accepted that at the moment I have a little limpet and will get very little else done :-) must be very hard when you have a toddler too, my only advice is that it will pass eventually and in the meantime if you have family or friends who can help out and give you a break (I don't unfortunately) then ask for help :-))

I agree- 4-6 months seems harder. At 3 months I could put my DD down and do things but now I have to entertain constantly. Once she could sit up things improved slightly. I think it is frustration. Also, she is really curious about the world and gets bored/ frustrated when in one place for too long! I think she wants to get moving!

I had a difficult ds1. At 20 weeks, he wouldn't really play at all by himself. Things did get slightly better when he started sitting and significantly better when he started walking.
His cot mobile would keep him occupied for a little while and I remember moving him to a more sitting position in his buggy (rather than lying flat) at 3 months. He really liked looking at trees too and I found i could put him under a tree in a park for 10-15 mins or so and that would keep him occupied.
We also had this hideos baby swing, fisher price one with a fish and he would sit in that for a while too.
Eventually we did get a bit better at ignoring him when he cried (it helped when we moved to a bigger house). I think its maybe something you have to do when you have an older one.

This sounds very familiar. My DS was born grumpy and with a mega temper on him and lungs to match. You do start to ask what you're doing wrong, but must keep telling yourself it's just the way they are.
He's 2 now, and still like that, though dare I say on teh whole slightly easier to deal with now he's mobile and can talk, Well, not today, today was hell on two fat little legs!)

Mine didn't crawl, ever, at all, just figured out walking (the back breaking for us style for a good month first) at one. Very frustrating for him not being able to move and reach things. Slightly easier after one then not moving him/bouncy chair/mat etc every five mins to entertain him as it had been most of his first year.
On a warm day when little he quite liked to sit in bouncy chair under the washing line and watch his babygros blowing about. Trees too, yep, they could sometimes be good.
He's always been very frustrated and there's only so much you feel you can do with/for them. Very hard work. I used to walk miles with him in the pushchair. He always liked the constant moving scenery. Not so keen when you stop in shops though!