At end of tether with pooing in pants

[ImNotThere]

My daughter (nearly 4) was toilet trained a bit late (3yrs 10months) due to our circumstances.

She has been fine with it since and has been dry at night for ages. However, over the last 3 and a half weeks, she has pooed her pants almost every day - sometimes three times a day.

It's never a whole poo, rather a small lump.

I have tried so many tactics and it still happens. Because the lumps are often rather hard and she has complained somtimes of a sore bum, I have tried lactulose. Helps with the hardness, but not with the pooing in pants.

I think she leaves it too late or doesn't want to interupt what she's doing as it often happens when she is distracted, but why now when she's managed well for 6 months?

It's got to the point where she has now developed some sort of vaginal infection. Am taking her to the doc on Monday, but would appreciate any advice. Perhaps I'm not seeing something really obvious.

Really difficult.

Some advice which worked for us was to buy REALLY nice knickers (dora/peppa etc) and make a big fanfare that they are for big girls who keep their knickers clean. Lots of rewards/reminding etc too.

My dd Started this after ds was born, she was doing for attention, my health visitor suggested just changing her pants and cleaning her up and not mentioning it and when she realizes she's not getting any attention for it she will stop and if that didn't work to take her to the dr to see if there was any other problems, sure enough after 3 days of no reaction from me she stopped!

Oh yes - second Clayre's suggestion. I just used to do it without talking/mentioning the mess whatsoever. No 'disappointed' talks or anything.

Well if she's complained of being sore and is producing hard lumps instead of whole poos and in her pants rather than in the toilet, I'd suggest she's witholding due to constipation and having accidents that she can't control.

It's common and it only takes one sore poo for them to start trying to hold on. Then they have leaks and accidents. The doctor should be able to help with something to soften the poo and help her in going more regularly, whether this is more regimented lactulose or something like movicol.

But you also need to work on the psychology of it and help her develop a better relationship with going to the toilet without fear.

This book is excellent.

And if your dd has a vaginal infection, I'd see somebody today, not Monday. Because more pain and discomfort in that area is only going to exacerbate the problem and potentially make her quite poorly.

I know how wearing it is and how hard you must be trying. I think often it's not their fault though and reminding yourself of this helps you take a deep breath and stay calm. Not easy though.

Oh also that book - 'poo goes off to pooland' - everyone recommends that. I think someone has a link to it on here?

Thank you - some great advice here. SOH thanks for the book recommendation - have just ordered it.

Wiki I got her to decorate her own pants with fabric paints and iron on transfers and took her out to choose some pants that she really liked, but still no dice. To my eternal shame, I threatened to throw a pair away rather than have to scrape them clean again, which upset her and now I feel like a really shite, horrible mother.

I will definitely try the 'no comment' approach as recently (though not at first) I have been expressing discontent which I have now realised is probably making her not tell me when she does it and exacerbating the problem.

I always worry with anything like this that it may well have roots in our situation (OH died in summer 2009 and DD2 was born 2 months afterwards)

Poo goes to Pooland looks fantastic but I can't find it on Amazon!

I found that there is a 6 month blip. DD was the same and so was a friend's dd.

Quick search on here turned up this:

www.scribd.com/doc/28743654/Poo-Goes-to-Pooland-1-1

Have a root around the archives if this one is no good.

Very kind of you, Wiki - thanks. I have found it and since reading it to her, poo has indeed gone to pooland instead of 'using [her] pants as a trampoline'...

My DS1(4) has just been through this. We used a sticker chart! One star for sitting on the potty when I asked him to, one star for doing a wee (with dry pants) and a star and a 3D sticker for doing a poo with clean pants. Now his poos are much softer as he is not holding them in, and he is much happier too.