How do you cope with feelings of frustration and anger at kids behaviour?

[guiltyparent]

I have 2 DS, a 3 yr old and a 14 month old. I am a SAHM and my DH works shifts. He is actually away for the whole of this weekend. My 14 month old doesn't sleep well and I get about 6 hours broken sleep on a good night and 3 hours on a bad one. Sorry for all the history and details, basically I am knackered permanently!

To cut a long story short, my 3 year old was really testing the boundaries today. This ended with him spitting at me, throwing his clothes down the stairs and throwing toys at me. I lost it and I ending up smacking his bottom hard and put him to bed screaming, he cried himself to sleep.

I don't want to debate the rights and wrongs of smacking, it didn't feel good and I know it is not effective as a way of managing behaviour. What I want to know is how people deal with the feelings of anger that come with dealing with a stroppy toddler? It feels like a pressure cooker about to explode. I just don't know what to do with myself. Please tell me you have felt like this too. I've never thought I had a problem with anger but I'm beginning to wonder. What do you do? Thank you for reading the essay!

first of all stop beating yourself up ! it happens to many many mums. I have lost my temper, shouted, smacked bottoms (and no it doesnt work !) and then felt awful.. all you can do is think - tomorrow i will try to cope with it better. The overwhelming frustration is just the next step in coping with the joys of parenting - and you will get the hang of it - it just takes a bit of time. Distraction is the number one tool - get them out of it before they get in - I tend to find making a numpty of myself (pretending to be a chicken /fish/tap dancing , talking to a teddy, stuns them so much they snap out of it. BUT there is always the times when its too late, you are too tired and it doesnt work. Try and stay calm and if you cant walk away. Lock yourelf in the bathroom and count to fifty. Even if you do lose it like i say remember it happens to loads of mums (and dads !) and all you can do is try better next time.

It helps to keep reminding yourself that nothing is that important. You might want dc to eat nicely and not play with his food, but if he does and you start getting annoyed try to remind yourself that its not a life and death matter. I'm not saying don't discipline, but if you remind yourself of the real level of importance of stuff it helps you keep calm while you discipline.
Having said that its way easier to remain calm and in perspective when you aren't knackered. I am way more likely to get frustrated and think the earth will end If ds doesn't lie still while I change his nappy if I have had too little sleep/rest.
Istilllove is right though, don't beat yourself up about it because those emotions will only drain you further.

It's hard work with a 3 year old and sleep deprivation makes it twice as bad. I would frequently shout at my 2 year old in those days when his little sister was keeping me up at night. Not great, but I had reached the end of my tether.

So... first of all I would recommend sleep training your 14 month old. She is old enough now to be able to sleep through and I would suggest that any distress caused to her would be minimal and worth it for the happier, calmer Mummy that results for both children. That was my main reasoning for sorting out my 8 month old baby's sleep- she was a dreadful sleeper waking every 3 hours. We managed to get it down to one wake up at 4/5 and then this went at 13/14 months so that she was then sleeping through. The change for me was AMAZING .

Other than that I would suggest getting out of the house, if the behaviour is escalating and you are not dealing with it well -I would strap him into the buggy/car and go somewhere different- preferably outside. I would also make sure you do plenty of stuff, keep him busy and this is also better outside the house, well it was for me- either seeing friends, or going to the park/playground/library/museum etc etc.

Good luck!

Wine, chocolate and mumsnet! The ladies above are spot on, can't really add anything else other than a ((hug)) and to say I am with you....it is bloody hard! xx