Child being bitten at nursery

[Goldengirl01]

My DS1 has been bitten on the cheek leaving a pronounced mouth shaped red mark. This morning he didn't want to go to nursery as he said hebwas worried he'd get bitten again, the same child has bitten him before. I had a meeting with his keyworker who said the child doing the biting does it out of frustration as they have problems communicating. While I appreciate it must be hard for the parents of the child who's biting when should something be done about it, I don't want my child to become scared of nursery due to someone else's behaviour problem.

Should I be making a formal complaint if it happens again?

I'm sorry your child has been bitten. I would give the nursery manager a call and raise your concerns, saying that this isn't the first time it's happened. Ask them to detail a plan to deal with it and ensure that your child doesn't become a target of this other child's frustration again. I appreciate that this kind of thing does happen, but it shouldn't be allowed to go on repeatedly.

Like you say, you don't want your child to be scared of going to nursery due to another child's behaviour.

What would you like to be done about it? you need to answer that before you make any decisions.

If a child with communications issues- and heck I have a few- is causing a risk then the nursery needs to sort it and potentially seek funding for a TA; that can take 6 months, minimum. If awarded (increasingly ahrd to get due to funding cuts).

If you are making a formal complaint to try adn gain safety for your child whilst foprcing nursery to provide support otehr child then not only are YANBU youa re doing a Good Thing. if OTOH it's case of you want other child out YABU. Other child cannot help it and deserves nursery too. That's your call.

I know it must be very hard for the parents of the biter, I'm lucky that DS1 hasn't bitten anyone yet. If the bite had been anywhere less sensitive or prominent like his arm I probably just write it off. However I don't want my DS thinking I'm ok with him being bitten or for him to start resenting me sending him to nursery where he can get hurt. They've said they're monitoring the other child and are going to get help so hopefully it will get better but ultimately TBH I guess if it happens too many more times I would rather the child with the problem left than my child who was the victim.

Well i've been in both situations so can see that.

but it's unlikely to happen to be honest; nursery would have to be able to prove they'd done eerything to stop it or be at risk of breaching sn legislation.

Assuming tehy have applied for a statement, you could help by writing to the LEA (who fund them) explaining your experiences- I always asked angry parents with ds1 to do that, as the LEA need evidence to offer support.

Might be worth chatting to other parents- depending on how theya reo of curse. personally I found it was ahrd to know what was going on so appreciated the info (unless accompanied by threats as it has been!)

Is it a childcare or preschool nursery, and if the latter do they have to be at the same sessions? And if they do can the nursery not just separate them?

Sancti-Are you really advocating that a parent lets their child be continually bitten or puched if the other child has communication problems?Since when does another childs needs trump the needs of your own?

How old is the 'biter'? If 2 very different to if 5 in my opinion?

No i didn;t say that, please re read my posts

I said it might be difficult to force anything on the nursery due to regulations so working in partnership with aprent might be best- as in, nobody told me what ds1 was doing until a parent did.

Equally ds1 has come home with show shaped bruises at other times and ds3 was severely injured in school so I DO know it is, tenfold.

Actually as well, other child's needs may well trump them legally at certain points- for example if the child has a statement and the nursery is named on it. That would make it bloody hard for nursery to get child out, for a start; government very anti excluding kids with SN.

My kids come first and I would enver advocate anything else but equally knowing the facts can make it easier to deal with a situation. EG, if in a year's time this child and OP want to apply for a school and choose the same one, a statemented child woudl get the chosen school and no amount of explaining the difficulties would prevent that. In some ways that's right, in others not so, but it is the law and being aware makes solutions easier to find.

You have to stick up for your kids, not doing so sends a terrible messgae, but finding workable solutions always wins hands down.

It's a private daycare nursery and the protagonist is 3 my DS is 3.5. At the moment they are in different rooms (they are in the garden together sometimes) but the younger one is due to move up soon where there is a larger child to adult ratio so less people to keep an eye on his behaviour.

I know it's not just my child so he's not being picked on and I don't want to demonised the child. I just want to know my child is safe while I'm at work.

Of course you do GG, as anyone would.

Six months is enough to get funding to bring in a 1-1 TA so I woudl ask nursery to foormally outline what steps theya re taking to safeguard oyur child and whether they are considering use of a TA at the next stage. Say that if the answers are not appropriate for the severity of the situation, you will move to a formal complaint and consider takinga dvice about their ability to safelyc are for the chidlren.

First of all you need to find out the circumstances behind the incident.

For instance, my ds is 2.6 and bit an older boy at preschool. The older boy was teasing him and in his face, ds didn't like that behaviour and bit him.

Do I like it that my son bit him? No
Do I like the fact that an older child was taunting him? No
Both children were equally in the wrong.

Most adults read much more into biting than the child (biting) does. To them it is a reaction just the same as shouting 'no' or pushing. It just so happens that that is the reaction they choose.

Should they pulled up for it? Yes, of course, but then so should children who push and shout at others. However this is very rarely the case as shouting and pusing incidents are often shrugged off as minor offences. While biting someone is made into a major incident.

I also think that it is swings and roundabouts because there will come a point sometime in the future when the roles are reversed and your child will be the one who is continually doing something to others that they shouldn't be doing. It doesn't make it right, but it seems to be this way.

When I see issues like this (especially with such young children) I think it is just as much (if not more) about what the nursery staff are doing about the situation than what is being done about the child (unless there are REAL behavioural issues that are being addressed by anyone).

I agree that they ideally need 1:1, I have a nephew with speech problems and the only time I've heard him speak was when I spent time alone speaking to him. It was hard to understand his words sometimes but with time you'd figure out what he was saying. Unfortunately with 2 brothers he doesn't get this at home so in his case he pushes and hits so I watch them closely if he's with us.

I've told DS1 to ask the other boy to leave him alone and if that doesn't work to go to one of the adults if he's worried. I've also told him to make sure he doesn't take anything away from the little boy as that might upset him and cause him to lash out.

And do think about the aorents;

picked ds2 up from school, he own a competition (nowt major) and another child took his prize egg and smashed it.

Other child has ASD. I OCULD write it off and let ds2 go without his egg, but if it were my ASD child then I would want to know as I think him having to replace the egg would be far better a lesson. And indeed the act of handing it over. (I also make sure ds1 makes sorryc ards; even when he couldn;t understand, it still sent a strong message to the child who had been hurt / upset whatever).

And a parent who doesn;t know cannot start to deal with the issues, and I suspect a paying nursery may be less inclined to pass such new home IYSWIM.

You have to base it on the whole case though: if parents are aggressive / negative don't put yourself in the frame. And whsilt you seem nice, some peolpel would front up with threates which is also wrong. Bear it in mind, however; sometimes it's possible to get into chats that lead that way and you can learn a lot more about the shole situation than via Nursery.

It was quite hard to leave DS screaming this morning that he didn't want to stay but I stayed in the corridor for a couple of minutes and someone came out and told me he'd settled down and was fine. He'll probably give me a guilt trip when I pick him up though!

DS2 starts in a couple of weeks in the baby section I'm realistic that he'll probably be bitten a few times in the baby/toddler setting I just hope he's not a biter!

The staff have a duty to protect your child and keep him safe .. especially if the biter has 'targeted' your son more than once. Children communicate frustration, fear and excitement in different ways. Some hit, some scream, some head but, some bite and some sit quietly in the corner and say nothing. Children with special needs often communicate in what appears to be an aggressive manner. It's a very tricky one - I've been on both ends of this kind of situation and would never want to go through that again. It's up to the nursery to deal with it ... make your complaint to them, but you can't expect them to ask the other child to leave - that would be very unfair. And if you think you're upset, it's probably nothing compared to the other child's parents - I was mortified when my ds1 bit other children. It went on until he was almost 3 ... you'll be pleased to know he's now a delightful (non-biting) 15 year old

Are you sure your DS didn't do anything to him??

Many children bite, you may have another child who bites one day. You DS may go on to be a biter, kicker etc who knows. It's not nice but as long as everyone watches and is quick to react and ensure the biter knows it is wrong what else can you do?

I've been on both sides and it's not great but it is a normal part of development.

Went to nursery today as they had an Easter parent-child session. The child that bit mine was there and seems a bit of a handful, I heard one of the staff asking another one to deal with him as she couldn't. Also a couple of the other kids were talking to me saying what a naughty boy he was and that he was always hurting people.

I sat down with him and helped him make an Easter bonnet. I think he really needs more supervision than they can give him but I don't know whether it's something I should say to the manager as it's not really my business.

hi everyone looking for a it of advice, my friends got 18month old twins.
one keeps biting the other not through fighting just keeps doing it for no reason, and little one is getting really bad marks, health visitor just says keep them apart but i know this isn't solving the problem any ideas pleasexxxxxxxx