Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

Discipline/boundaries for a 16mo? How do I stop the throwing?

12 replies

Newbeginning1 · 14/04/2011 10:14

My 16mo DS is becoming more of a handful as time is going on and I know I'm not helping because I'm not helping him understand his boundaries very well.

What does everyone else do if for instance their LO throws their books or toys or generally has behaviour that isn't great? I'm struggling to understand how he understands consequences iyswim?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
bt1978 · 14/04/2011 10:43

DD is only 14mo, but was reading about this the other day - I think 16mo is too young for discipline/understanding consequences - the best you can do right now, and what I do with DD, is not smile or laugh when she does something I don't want her to so don't give that behaviour any attention. Just calm distraction.

I am totally ready to be corrected on this by mums of older kids - but I was under the impression that children don't really understand 'no' until they're over 2.
Will be watching with interest though...

SchrodingersCatFliesToOz · 14/04/2011 10:51

DD is 14 months she does understand "no". But to get there you need to say no for any unwanted behavior and remove the child or object immediately. At that age they won't understand punishment (or removal is punishment enough).
What Bt says don't laugh!

bt1978 · 14/04/2011 11:02

Schrodingers - when you say 'no' does your DD stop what she's doing? I say no to DD and, for instance, take her hands off the buttons on the washing machine, to show what I mean. But she just smiles at me...is it a case of perseverance?

SchrodingersCatFliesToOz · 14/04/2011 11:10

Yes, she stops. But then has she was mobile at 5 months we already have a LOT of practice with no, including "NOooooo kind of smile)

SchrodingersCatFliesToOz · 14/04/2011 11:11

GAhh AS she was mobile

Mobly · 14/04/2011 11:25

Just firm 'No' and remove from situation, remove object and short explanation. They are too little to have much understanding but you are setting down the guidelines early on and they will eventually learn. It is a very long, repetitive process.

My DS1 was 3yrs before he really started to listen to me and occasionally do as I ask! He now understands that we hold hands by the road, because the road can be dangerous, and not to put pebbles in his mouth because he may choke etc.

Always explain, in simple terms, even if they don't understand yet. Do it in a kind, but firm manner. Consequences come later on IMO.

I saw a lady smack the hand of a baby not much older than about 14mths, for not doing as she was told (she was playing with some leaflets on a stand) and it was ridiculous, ineffective and unfair. She didn't hit the baby hard so I wasn't worried about the child's welfare as such. I did glare at her though and tell my DS, no it isn't naughty to play with the leafets and the little girl was just curious.

Firawla · 14/04/2011 11:26

I think generally they can understand 'no' at this age, its just that they don't have the capacity to remember that they've been told no and take it on board and never do it again, they will go back to do the same thing because they don't have the full impulse control etc?
So would keep saying no and move them away, but not start thinking of punishments cos they are only a baby! distraction is probably the best thing @ this age, or if he wants to throw things give him a soft ball and try to get him to throw that, while moving the inappropriate thing out the way? doesn't always work but sometimes can do

Mobly · 14/04/2011 11:29

I agree with Firawla about young children/babies not having much impuse control. I think some experts agree that impulse control generally starts to develop around 3!

So, even at 2yrs if they know that hitting is naughty- they do it before they think, so while we should discipline (teach) we shouldn't think we have a irrevocably naughty child on our hands, when really what they are doing is normal.

Original poster
Newbeginning1 · 14/04/2011 11:54

Thanks everyone for your advice.

I've been trying to say no to him but then I read that keeping saying no means they get used to it so he gets stop for if he's doing something wrong and no for something dangerous. If for instance I know he's about to throw a book or his bottle or dummy am I best to take it from him before he does it because he's got a right grip on him for a little fella and I don't want to tech him to snatch as it were. A soft ball sounds like a good idea so I'll try that.

I suppose I was looking for a quick fix but I should have know they don't exist with children

OP posts:
Mobly · 14/04/2011 12:19

Yes it's defintely best to prevent the throwing if you can catch him before he does it- especially if other babies/toddlers around.

He's not really being naughty- throwing is all part of development, you just need to teach him when/where it's acceptable and what he can throw.

It's alot to learn but he will get there. I don't think it matters too much if he hears 'no' alot, as long as there is a simple explanation.

Distraction is brilliant at this age, so yes if you can see he is about to throw, take item and try and get gim engaged in more apprpriate play. Also, remove dangerous throwable items in the first place if at all possible.

Mobly · 14/04/2011 12:20

Maybe take him to the park for the day or a soft play, where there is nothing to throw and he can burn off his energy in other ways :)

Original poster
Newbeginning1 · 25/04/2011 20:14

Just a quick update that distraction is working really well for my DS and things are better Smile

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page