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Can someone please help

6 replies

isthisok · 14/04/2011 10:12

Hi there.

Dh and I are worried about dd1 (8), as her behaviour can be awful at times, although there is never an issue at school- she is bright, seems well liked etc.

The issue is purely at home, and mostly directed at me, dh, her sister and her gp's on dh's side.

She can be lovely and helpful, but at other times not.

Some examples:

She often tells me and dh she hates us; usually when she has done something wrong, or doesn't want to do something. This can be in front of people, which I find really hard and distressing.

She runs off - again usually when she has done something wrong or doesn't want to do something, i.e. swimming lessons - which she then really enjoys.

She pushes us away if she is upset and cannot be consoled, on occasions has been "tantrumy" for up to 30 minutes.

She is very rude and dis-respectful of her gp's - "What are YOU doing here" etc

She can be quite nasty towards her younger sister; hitting her etc.

After watching a Home for Maisie the other night on TV, dh is now in a spin, as there were a lot of similarities in dd1's behaviour, but on such a grand scale.

We are now wondering whether we should seek professional advice, or whether how she is, is relatively normal.

I would be really interested in your opinions.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
magnolia74 · 14/04/2011 10:17

I have an almost 8 year old dd (she is my 4th) Sorry to say that she is exactly the same Sad
Having had a child (now 11) with horrendous behaviour problems that resulted in seeing proffesional advice I realise that dd4's behaviour although hard to cope with is unfortunately pretty normal.

Even being a mother of 5 I don't have the answers Blush

The only thing that seems to work with dd4 is good structure, regular mealtimes, early to bed and puting her in another room if having a major tantrum. Still bloody hard work though.

If you are really worried have a chat with your gp and maybe get a referral to cahms.

isthisok · 14/04/2011 10:29

Thanks Magnolia.

It is such hard work isn't it?

I put a lot of it down to sibling rivalry, but, she was also quite hard as a baby/toddler too, so perhaps not!

Anyone else??

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isthisok · 14/04/2011 11:38

Anyone???

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jubilee10 · 14/04/2011 19:44

If her behaviour is not causing problems at school or elsewhere and it is just with yourselves/family members then I doubt that she has s/n's. I agree with Magnolia that good structure is important. I would also ignore bad behaviour as far as possible and praise/reward the good. Some individual time from you or dh ie story time before bed or a trip out might help.

Tgger · 14/04/2011 19:52

Hello,
My children are younger, but trying to bump for you!

Have you tried to change the bad behaviour by giving clear consequences when she behaves in certain ways? Eg if she is rude to grandparents she loses T.V. programmes/favourite toy? You need to give the clear message that these behaviours are unacceptable.

I'm sure we all recognized aspects from Home for Maisie- I certainly did in regard to my 4 year old- as you say it's the scale of it that made Maisie extreme. That doesn't mean to say that we don't all have stuff to sort out/improve for our "normal" kids.

Perhaps you could try to change your approach with her to change this behaviour- do you talk to her directly about her feelings, why she doesn't want to do certain things, how she is feeling? What can she do when she feels this way (rather than react how she does?). Can you give her strategies to adopt in certain situations rather than "tantrumming/lashing out".

If all this sounds too difficult then it might be worth considering a bit of professional help- I don't really know the ropes here, but rather than making it "her" problem, if it could be approached as "family therapy" (even if it's mostly about her), then it might make it easier for everyone?

Perhaps the message from the Maisie programme was that these behaviours are provoked by inner turmoil- which we all have, it's just a question of degree. Perhaps your daughter needs some help with her confidence, feeling good about herself and her relationships and finding appropriate ways to relate to family.

Sorry, bit long!

Good luck!

isthisok · 14/04/2011 19:53

Thanks Julbilee.

Things are pretty structured, and we take it in turns dh and me to read bed-time stories.

Will continue to keep an eye on it.

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