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Original poster

How independent are your almost four year olds?

15 replies

CheerfulYank · 13/04/2011 21:52

Because mine is driving me mad ! I don't know if it's just a phase or what, but he suddenly needs help with every single tiny thing. Asking him to take his clothes up to his room, putting toys away, etc, is a huge struggle. He refuses and whines or cries. (Eventually he will do it because we insist, but...)

Right now he is making some sort of "art". He likes to cut paper into pieces and tape it together into "sculptures". This is all well and good (they're actually quite creative :) ) but I'm trying to clean up our tip house, pay bills and do a thousand other things. He keeps coming up and insisting I tape things together for him. If I ask him to try on his own, he throws a fit.

I've been sick and off work for three days and the house has totally fallen apart. I'm trying to put it back together before I lose my mind, and his constant whining/tears are not helping the matter! ARRRRGH!

Is this normal?

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Original poster
CheerfulYank · 13/04/2011 21:55

I mean, literally every request for him to do anything on his own sets of a flood of tears and "I can't dooooooooo it!"

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Tgger · 13/04/2011 22:38

Awwwwwww. Sorry, but he sounds normal. They're quite high maintenance at this age aren't they!

He's probably picking up on your stressed/ill vibe and becoming even higher maintenance (they have a knack of doing this!).

Take a deep breath. Do some stuff with him, make a deal (let's do sculptures together and then I need to do my jobs etc etc), gently encourage and lead the way with tidying leaving him to continue, and then when all this fails put on his favourite DVD!!

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 13/04/2011 22:45

Thank you so much for your reply :) I posted because it was either that or shout, and I really didn't want to do that!

We read a book together and now he is watching Curious George. Hopefully that will give me a minute or two to tidy up!

It's hard...I want him to learn to be independent and self-sufficient and all that, but at the same time he's very young yet.

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sprinklingsparkles · 13/04/2011 22:45

I aggree with tgger, my DD is 4 in 2 weeks, she is driving me crazy. doing all those things. also very hard to entertain and never making it to the toilet on time as well!

And always worse when im stressed. it will pass. I tend to do exactly what tgger says.

jubilee10 · 14/04/2011 19:55

My ds 4.9yrs has just started dressing/undressing himself (mostly at appropriate times). He "helps" with the hoovering, cooking, dishes etc. and wants to do everything "by himself". Last month he needed everything doing for him and I don't know which was was easier.

theghostofposhlymanor · 14/04/2011 20:18

My DD is nearly 4 and has seemingly regressed in the last month. Previously she wanted to EVERYTHING herself and would reject all help even if she was struggling.

Recently she's been asking me to feed her (????), dress her, carry her etc. I've no idea why, I guess it's just a phase. I've been going along with it as much as I can but it's driving me mad.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 14/04/2011 21:09

Good to know it's not just DS!

He's been pretty easy going today...knock wood it continues.

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ShowOfHands · 14/04/2011 21:13

It's personality too.

DD is 3.11 and you cannot do a thing for her. For a long time she has dressed herself, tied her own laces, fetched her own breakfast, made her own drinks/sandwiches, tidied up her toys and on and on ad nauseum. She needs NO help with ANYTHING thank you very much. There's no middle ground it seems.

ShowOfHands · 14/04/2011 21:14

The battle cry of the Showy household is "I CAN DO IT BY MY OWNSELF".

Tgger · 14/04/2011 21:50

Ha! ShowofHands, I have a 2.5 year old who also must do everything "My do it Myself!!!".

....you can imagine how that must be... she is actually remarkably independent for a 2.5 year old but there is quite a lot that she can't do and won't accept, or tries her hardest not to accept help for...!

ShowOfHands · 14/04/2011 21:54

Takes forever to get out the house sometimes doesn't it? Grin

Fortunately, because she was always this stubborn independent, she's learnt to manage a lot of things that would be otherwise difficult. Like laces and small buttons and making sandwiches. She's fairly competent at most things. Preschool told me at parents evening that she's 'the most independent and determined child we know'.

In a way I wish I could do things for her. She's never, ever allowed us to help her. Can't imagine where the stubborn streak comes from.

Tgger · 14/04/2011 22:01

Funny! Bet they'd get on.... I am now in the position that it takes my 4.5 year old longer to put his shoes on than my 2.5 year old.....

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 14/04/2011 23:01

DS is just contrary, it seems. :) If he truly cannot do it himself (like tying his shoes, lifting and carrying something twice his body weight), he will insist that he can: "I'm a big boy ! I will do it mySELF!" But, if it's something he has been able to do for a few years (put on his pajamas, tidy his toys) he will whine and cry that he doesn't know how.

I shall call it the Sam Paradox. And if it does not drive me completely insane, I will be much surprised. :)

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jade80 · 14/04/2011 23:05

Has he got just sellotape or is it in a dispenser? He'll probably find it easier to do himself if it's in a dispenser, might get him out of your hair!

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 15/04/2011 00:51

No, it's thick green painting tape. The best for sculptures apparently. Hmm

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