Refusal to eat is driving me mad

[KMorgan]

Hi All, I've just joined mumsnet today in the hope that someone can help or at least sympathise. My 14 month old started solids at 6 months and for 6 weeks things were great, a massive improvement on the baby that hated breast feeding (She liked bottle feeding but never took much on board). But suddenly after 6 weeks she learnt to refuse, shaking her head, putting her fingers in her mouth and batting my hand out of the way. I think this first episode coincided with teething. Since then - a long and tiring 7 months on - she still does this with every feed. Every now and then for 1 day or 3 she will eat everything in sight but then start refusing again. At most I get a couple of mouthfuls in her. Its worse with teething or illness but bad and frankly tiring and depressing the rest of the time. ITs not fussy eating as much as not eating.
Any advice???
A desperate mum.

At 14 months old she could do well with finger foods. If you put it onto a plate and let her feed herself as much as she wants you may find it easier.

I feed my dd (15mos) this way. She eats what we do and like us, some days she will eat masses and others not so much, but when she's feeding herself its a lot less stressful. I can't spoon feed her as she just bats it out of the way or snatches the spoon, so it solves that problem.

If she doesn't eat it, just take it away and try again in an hour.

If you want more details let me know, but didn't want to overload you!

My DD hardly ate a thing and it took me along time to be confident that if she was hungry she would eat. Even now when I put a meal in front of her I am never sure which element (protein, carbs or veggies) will be eaten. I completely sympathise though I used to be so upset when other babies scoffed down everything offered and mine would only pick at a few bits.

We did BLW and only because we had no choice. DD would not be spoon fed. It worked out ok in the end. She was still picky and ate like a sparrow but at least something was going in.

By the time we got to 18 months DD had expanded her range a bit just when other toddles were started to become more fussy so try not to compare yourself to others. When giving her the food don't give her any sense that you want her to eat it and don't let anyone encourage or cajole her.

I'm not sure how helpful my story is but I just wanted to let you know that I too felt very desperate and things are better now.

We do BLW too.

case in point - Monday ate all the chicken, took one bit of the bread and threw it on the floor.
Tuesday, ate only the bread.

My Dd3 was a picky eater when she was little, some days she would only eat bread and marmite, others only tomatoes and others only cheese.

I used to really worry about her, she hated being spoon fed too.

Eventually I started keeping a weekly food diary, it really helped me to see that she actually ate quite a variety of stuff but just spread over a week iyswim.

I would try finger foods, cut up little pieces of different things for her to try, don't put too much on her plate then it doesn't matter if she tips it on the floor..

good luck.

There is hope. DS1 was like this and now is a super eater (maybe even a little too much ) so don't give up. I tried, with varying degrees of success:

Finger food
A little of everything on the plate
Sitting up to the actual table, not high chair (do able with booster seat)
No snacks
The occasional reward. This is probably very frowned on but I was desperate and made it literally one tiny chocolate drop or a yoghurt.

I also tried to think of his intake being over the course of the day, not meal by meal. So, carbs (tick), protein (tick) etc etc.

And, most most most importantly for me was for me to either eat something before feeding him or at the same time so I wasn't hungry and crotchety when he was refusing. My tolerance plummets when I'm hungry so this was vital and not something I realised for ages. Good luck!

I could have written your op. My dd is now 18mths and some days she barely eats anything.
I find the snack time 10.30ish) at toddler groups works well in terms of her watching others and eating some food herself but then she wont eat anything before bed at 12. So now I do breakfast, snack at 10.30, a sort of snack/lunch type thing at 2.30ish and then go for the kill at 5.30 with a hot meal. I find this way she is usually hungry for that last meal.
The other thing i do is cook something that will reheat well so Im not constantly cooking food for the bin

My Ds2 is just not food driven (after ds1 who eats everything put in front of him this is a shock) - he's 3 now and I've pretty much got my head around it (although it is completely annoying) - if he's hungry he eats, if not he leaves whatever is put in front of him including pudding.

He's stayed on the same growth line percentile, which is smaller than ds1. He eats more when at nursery (he goes three times a week or else I think he would starve) - but I guess he just knows what he needs. Keep offering food but don't make too much of a deal out of it. You'll get angry/worried/annoyed, and she'll think it's a great game/way of getting you attention/controlling the situation. Like most parenting - it's easier said than done!

Oh another thing - if I had cooked it and slaved over it and gave it to him straight away it made me furious if he refused it. But if I'd cooked it a while before and reheated it it was a little less distressing to see him chuck it on the floor as there seemed to have been less effort put in iykwim?

Most babies don't like to be spoon fed around the 9/10 month mark. By 14 months my DDs would definitely not have allowed me to spoon feed them. You can do a combination of finger foods and stuff that needs a spoon that you just load up so she can feed herself. It won't take her long to be feeding herself with a spoon/fork.
Do you eat at the same time? It's great for modelling good eating habits and also means you can focus on your own food instead of hers. It also means you cook something nice for yourself and DD just has a bit so you don't get angry about slaving over the stove cooking a lovely meal for it to go to waste.

Keep your meal times at set times e.g. 8, 12 and 5 so she's not to tired or too hungry. If you give snacks - I do at about 10 and 3, keep them small e.g. oatcake and cheese or fruit or half a bit of toast with a drink
Eat with her at the table
Put her plate of food in front of her for her to eat herself while you eat yours.
Make loud enjoying noises.
Only give her small amounts.
Good luck

I was told to think of a babies meals over a week rather than a day and you will find that your dc is probably eating a variety of food. It is frustrating though I know. My 3yo dd struggles with eating and i now have resorted to bribery!

Ds has just started doing what you have mentioned about batting away the spoon, closing his mouth and sticking his hands in his mouth. I am now trying to get creative with finger foods!

Thank you for all your comments so far. It gave me the strength to go 100% self feeding today.
Previously every meal was 50:50 spoon feeding and finger foods (all of which ended up on the floor). Today it was all finger food or food for her to try with her own spoon. I also made a point of eating with her then leaving her to it when I had finished. She didn't eat anything but equally we had no tears and food though uneaten stayed on the plate. So all in all an improvement.
I now just need to relax and trust she will eat when she is hungry.
Thank you. Any other tips greatly appreciated.

Pasta. Easy and fun to eat and very filling. Spaghetti is great fun if you don't mind a lot of mess, otherwise shapes.