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Nearly 8 and still wetting her pants

10 replies

Aubry · 12/04/2011 15:48

My daughter will be 8 in June and I am STILL having issues with her having accidents because she wont stop playing long enough to go. I have had her looked at to rule out anything medical and was assured that she is perfectly healthy. I have tried time outs, grounding, making her clean up her mess including taking her wet things to the laundry room, put her on a schedule and "tried" to make her go every hour or so and....nothing works. She could care less that she does it and I am SOO tired of having to deal with wet clothes all the time and have to deal with the odor on top of it. I just dont know what else to do anymore. She isnt motivated in the least to want to help herself stop and wont try anything to help. She has NO problems of continuing to play after she has wet herself and wont change until I notice her wet pants and make her change. I am at my wits end over the whole thing. I dont know any other child her age that does that during the day like she does. I am not even worried about the night time as she is nowhere close to being dry at night until I get the daytime under control. How in the world can I get her to stop if she doesnt even care that she does it in the first place??? I dont know how much longer I can put up with this and the stress is starting to get to me. Is there anyone else here that can relate to what I am going through with their older child? HELP!! Thank you everyone and I hope someone can relate and or can offer me some much needed advice or suggestions.

Aubry

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
schooltripworry · 12/04/2011 16:25

Honestly I would question the medical opinion again - and seek advice from professionals who specialise in this not just from a GP - has she had all the tests (bladder and kidney scan etc)? Has she seen an incontinence specialist?- I think there are organisations who can advise as well (ERIC??).

I think you need to step back and approach on the basis that she cant help it for whatever reason and take the pressure off her and off yourself for a while and if it doesnt improve, absolutely insist on proper specialist help.

Aubry · 12/04/2011 16:33

I will gladly have her checked again but I am 99% certain that its not a medical problem. I catch her all the time doing the dance and she will still flat out deny that she has to go and then 10 minutes later....wet pants! Getting her in there to at least try is half the battle, getting her to sit and try is the other half. I cant tell you how many times I have stayed in there with her listening to her yell at me telling me she didnt have to go and winding up with a huge headache from my efforts. I have tried just ignoring it but this is something I cant because its affecting not only her but everyone else, especially when she sits on the furniture in wet clothes, and as I mentioned before, having to deal with the unpleasant odor from it. I dont know any other child her age this stubborn when it comes to this. I am out of ideas and I am ready to pull my hear out over it. Thanks again for your suggestion and I welcome any other suggestions or advice.

Aubry

OP posts:
Chundle · 12/04/2011 18:49

Sorry can I just ask has she always had this problem with wetting or is it a new thing? Has she ever been dry?

Aubry · 12/04/2011 19:03

Its been off and on. She has gone weeks without any accidents and then she will have like 3 in a week. Like I said, she knows she has to go, she just chooses not to for whatever reason. She doesnt want to stop what she is doing to take the 5 minutes to go. She knows her body is telling her she has to go but she just ignores it and pretends she doesnt feel it. I cant tell you how many different excuses she has had as to why she does it. I just want her to see that there are consequences to her actions and that I cant be cleaning up all the time and having to wash. Not to mention its a bit difficult keeping her off the furniture. Thanks and I hope I answered your question.

Aubry

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southernbelle77 · 12/04/2011 20:19

Does she wet at school too? Is she clean or does she soil too?

Aubry · 12/04/2011 21:05

No, she doesnt have accidents at school thank god and same with soiling. She has no problem making it on time when she has to poop. I dont think I would be able to deal with poopy underwear instead of just wet ones.

Aubry

OP posts:
southernbelle77 · 12/04/2011 21:57

Lol well that's something at least! So it seems it is probably laziness ( for want of a better word). I don't know what to suggest I'm afraid - my experience of similar happenings stems from chronic constipation issues.
I hope someone can help more and good luck.

schooltripworry · 13/04/2011 14:06

Oh, having read your extra updates I agree it is probably not medical. When you said you were cleaning up all the time I assumed it was a constant problem every day and everywhere rather than a few times a week from time to time, and never at school. It really doesnt sound that bad now - I would think she will probably grow out of it fairly soon. Even if she is just being lazy, she will reach a stage where she doesnt want to be in wet pants.

I know it is a nuisance but she is still young and the fact she is wet at night suggests she is slower to mature with this aspect of her development - hopefully though she will get there in her own time.

Reading through the list of things you have tried, the only one I would persist with is telling her calmly to change herself and take her wet things to the laundry and wash her hands. Other than that I would concentrate on some mild praise if you see her come in and use the toilet when she is out playing and if you see her "doing the dance", go to her, stop what she is doing and say something like "time for the toilet now, I will let you go by yourself and if you do a wee, you can [have a snack/some extra playtime/some small reward]." If she refuses, say "okay, but I dont expect to see wet pants so dont forget". If she does wet them just say "that's a shame, next time I remind you, please come in to the toilet. Now go and get changed etc"
Stay calm about it and see how it goes.

Maybe you should keep some sort of diary/list over the spring/summer of how often this happens and where she is/what she is doing/time of day etc. Anything that you think might be relevant eg what she had to drink recently. That way if she doesnt stop in the next few months, you can get more advice with some concrete information to back you up.

My only other suggestion would be to try the forum on the ERIC website.

Aubry · 13/04/2011 14:51

Thanks, I do try to remain calm when she does have an "accident", which I dont call them accidents anymore because she knows she has to go. I feel an accident is when either she cant feel it until its too late or if she tries to go but doesnt make it on time. Like I said, I try to remain calm but when she is on the furniture or whatever, I have to stop whatever I am doing to make sure its cleaned up the right way so it doesnt soak into the cusions. You can only flip the cusions so many times before it doesnt make a difference. I ask her all the time if she can go ALL day at school without an accident, why cant she do the same at home and I usually get the same answer "I dont know". Thats her favorite excuse. That and "I forgot" when I ask her to clean or pick up her toys or whatever. As of right now, she is grounded but like all the other times, grounding doesnt help and either does time out. Time out did work when she was younger but as soon as she turned 6 ish, forget it. I also want to point out that she never does this in front of any of her friends either for fear she will be embarrassed is my guess and doesnt want to get made fun of. I know kids these days can be mean sometimes. Thanks again everyone

Aubry

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Lilypiesmum · 07/07/2012 13:19

My 5 year old daughter is pretty much like that too, I was hoping she'd grow out of it. She claims she doesn't need a wee and 10 minutes later has wet herself. She wets herself at school every day and at home and pretends she doesn't feel it. I keep telling her kids will start to pick on her if she smells of wee, but she just doesn't care. She is very bright, but very stubborn and determined. I'm wondering if I should just ignore it in the hope she'll decide to stop doing it as she certainly does not like being told to do anything.

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