such competitive children when all together-3 of them!

[swampmonster]

I have 3 dc's-7,5 & 3 and they all compete for attention all the time-so much so it has become not much fun when they are all home together & I find myself separating them all the time,then when dh is home it is even worse (their behaviour!) they constantly ask for food from the cupboards, one will distract the other from a quiet activity,they literally can jump up & down on the spot in front of the TV for the sheer annoyance of who ever is watching it-it is never anything too major but these little incidents seem to go on all the time, my middle one won't leave me alone even to go to the toilet 'what are we doing next' is another one all the time,does anyone have good book or tips for moving forward positively before dc4 arrives! I don't always want to separate them and I would like them all to be treated as individuals because they are all different.At what age do they understand the term - in a minute properly-I do get them all to help around with tasks so that they feel included and so that I can get done more quickly.Just at a bit of a loose end & I find myself hating dh getting home as he adds to the mayhem because he creates more room for competition!I don't want him here which is awful & I know he knows it!!! He is very good with the children & house so it isn't that aspect of it, it is simply how the children behave because they see him as further competition!

I don't really have an answer, but . . . was really suprised you are having a 4th!

they don't bother me I am just after some tips, it's an important job just wanted to do my best by all !

Marking place whilst trying to ignore my 3 boistous, noisy & competitive children.
9, 7 & 3 - all girls

Hi, I have similar ages of children, 7,6 and 3. The the constantly asking for food and the "what are we doing next" are very familiar to me too!!!! I have found that it has become vital for either myself or my dh to have something special with each of the children (essential for the two older ones), that only they do, and that involves spending time with us. So my 7 year old plays chess on dh's computer, and is learning piano. Our 6 year old loves reading books (alone and with us) and attends a dance class (for boys and girls), my three year old just wants to play games. But we try to have individual quality time with each of them during the week. It has made a huge difference in their competitive behaviour.

I am not sure if it was because they were bored or if they needed one-on-one attention from dh and I, but either way it has changed things here hugely.

I have found it is easy to give 5 solid minutes individual attention several times a week (I find straight after homework a good time), whereas my dh tends to spend 30 mins+ with each of them individually but only once or twice a week.

It is normally our 7year old who is the "and after that", "what's next" child, and for this we have started to say "I will tell you what we are doing next when we have finished this" It took about 2 weeks of "but what are we doing next" from him until he started to reduce the number of times asked. Now it is much less common for him to say it, but he is a child who seems to want to know everything that is going on and finds it harder to focus on what he is doing now..... (Perhaps that is why he is good at chess!!!! )

Anyway, I am not sure if I have been much help here, but I hope it helps to know that someone else can understand where you are at!

yes thanks we do individual things with all of them yes but not set specific things apart from swimming lessons where we get 1:1 with 2 of the children whilst the other swims and then we take reading books or colouring & do that together, I try to rotate who we maybe have a bath with or go to the supermarket with so that each gets a turn-I do also try & take it in turns at who I sit with for that bit longer at bedtime for more 1:1,with me being 38 weeks pgnt it is hard to manage the more physical stuff at the minute but I will do and do enjoy bike rides/walks etc with all of them.What is general opinion on getting the older one stay up a little later at night for more individual time-(I do feel that this sometimes just makes her tired and infringes on my rest time too-I will also be up all hours soon with baby)

My children were all going to bed at the same time of 7.30pm until my oldest reached 7years old, then we said 7 year olds can stay up til 8pm. It is amazing how that helped the oldest feel special and different. I find that this half hour is a time when I am sorting things out generally anyway, so does not affect me too much in terms of child-free time.

I think that for me it was the difference in what we did with each that helped, as we previously were spending time with each on their own, but just by having a special activity for each that the others did not do, has helped cut down on the competitiveness. Partly as they can't compete with each other in that one activity and we heap praise and encouragement on them for that special activity, that they don't then hear me later say "yes you were good at it too" to one of the others (as they did with swimming etc!).

Congrats on your latest pregnancy too, and I hope that the next couple of weeks go easily for you and you have an easy labour etc. It is a special time.