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can a 4yo be manipulative?

7 replies

BITCAT · 07/04/2011 13:47

Is it possible that a almost 4yo can manipulate a situation. My stepson is waking up and being really naughty at night, keeping everyone awake, my partner isnt getting any sleep and neither is his mum at home. Just crying for silly reasons and asking for the tv on, lights to be left on etc.. I think his mum gives into him to easily. She allowed him to have the day off nursery yesterday cause he was too tired he then slept during the day. He did the same to us last night and then turned round and said he was too tired for school, i feel he is getting his own way. It wouldnt bother me really but he is keeping my eldest awake. Today he has gone to nursery and we've had a phone call saying that he claims he has fell down the stairs, i know he hasnt, so now my partner has gone to pick him up and take him back to his mums..hence he will go home and sleep..and yet again he wins. He has a history of getting up at silly times, ie 2am and his mum takes him downstairs, now to me, that is making a rod for your own back. Then she phones us sayin she needs a break cause he not sleeping, n i feel like sometimes saying tough, deal with your child, and toughen up. He is the child, you are the parent. Its never easy but if she was to put her foot down and make him stay in bed, she wouldnt have this problem. Or do u think im being harsh??

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DrSeuss · 07/04/2011 14:16

Yes, of course he's playing the lot of you! Do something now before it gets any worse!

Tgger · 07/04/2011 20:28

I think you all need to agree the same rules, otherwise the little man will carry on ruling the roost! He should respond pretty quick (after a bit of a yell to start with perhaps!) once he knows the rules are the rules are the rules. Smile

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 20:36

Of course they do-all DCs are good at it, given the chance! It doesn't make them happy-they need consistent rules.

BITCAT · 08/04/2011 09:22

his mum aint easy to talk to, to be honest, if he were my son id go in when he shouted, if he is just wantin tv or light, he would be told no go to sleep and i would leave the room..i wouldnt care if he cried, crying wont hurt him, lack of sleep will!! The thing is he is getting the attention he wants everytime he starts crying, and shouting for silly reasons..dont give him the attention..hence he has no reason to shout and cry..cause it dont work. He dont get told no very often at home, when he is here if we say no he cant have summat, we get but i want it..i dont care if he wants it or not, he aint rulling the roost in my house. Do u think me and his dad should devise a plan for dealing with him at night time whilst he at ours and see how he responds.

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sleepingsowell · 08/04/2011 09:49

But he's not truly manipulative, not at 4. He's acting that way as it is the only way he knows - he has no choice. He doesn't think, oh shall I act this way or that way - he just acts the way that has brought him love and attention all his life.
As you already know it's not HIS problem, there is no intrinsic problem with this little boy's personality, it's a parenting problem.
Yes I would if I were you devise a plan for night wakings but of course he would need ideally his mother to be consistent which clearly won't be easy. However it will still be better for him to have consistency with you if nowhere else.
I do think you may have to take it step by step though. He's been used to company at night. He may seem to be being 'naughty' at night but really he's asking you for company and love in the night. It may take a lot to get past that. So I guess what I'm saying is, your natural instinct may be to expect a child to get through the night 'normally' ie in own bed with no input that is nto what he has been used to and perhaps you could be more involved that you would like at first - for example, one of you laying in with him for a while as long as he lays quietly.
Good luck

BITCAT · 08/04/2011 10:20

thanx..ive got 4 of my own..so im not flying blind!! Ive had 1 or 2 problems myself with bedtimes but ive mananged to get it sorted, weeks even months of hard work but it does pay off. Cruel to be kind sometimes im afraid!! I do feel for her, she has previously lost a baby and i guess she spoils him and i can understand that but he needs his sleep and so does his mum, myself and his dad!!

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Tgger · 08/04/2011 13:53

Yes, I'd do the plan for at yours. If you've got 4 then I'm sure you know what you're doing- and yes cruel to be kind is definitely true! Good luck!

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