ds1 and low self esteem

[shrub]

my ds1 (5) has been in school for 10 months and just had to say goodbye to best friend who has moved away. He is a very loving, bright, sensitive and highly strung little thing and we are worried about how he is coping with things in general. he is very good at drawing and writing and we have always put all his drawings up on the wall - but since a very annoying child came to play over the summer and said they were rubbish he has since not wanted to put any on the wall or puts crosses through them saying they are rubbish. just before half term he told us one his friends has been kicking him and he if i ever need to tell him off (which is rare usually due to taking turns with toys with ds2 or safety issue) he will then call himself names or pull his own hair. on one occasion he even pinched his forehead until it bled and ds2 (2)is now starting to copy. most of the time he is very happy but worry that lifes new challanges including criticism are really affecting his confidence. I have talked to the teacher about the kicking and they said they will keep an eye. really after some coping stratagies and ways to help him relax - he goes swimming, biking and has a trampoline. i tell him these other peoples opinions aren't important or if he feels upset to talk it away, write it away, bounce it away etc. have encouraged other friendships inviting other children over. also with new friends now facing the whole toy gun thing which i find difficult as i have to think of ds2. i worry that i have over protected him and he is now struggling to stand up for himself. any ideas or experience of this?

It's probably not much help, and it's probably something you're doing already, but the only thing I can suggest is to keep countering the negative comments with positive ones. Tell him that his drawings are great, that you love the colours he's chosen, that he's coloured them in really neatly and so on. For every negative thing that he says about himself, or that he tells you others are saying about him, find three positive things you can tell him.

I'm sure someone will be along pretty soon with some better advice than that, but this will at least bump the message for you.

thanks wigwambam

What about asking him to do a picture for your bedroom wall - where no visiting child will see it. Could be a boost for his self-esteem as you've specially asked for it. Perhaps could get it framed?

When he feels down about himself, he could draw a picture of the 'bad feelings' instead of hurting himself and then you could screw it up and throw it away.
Kind of to separate the behaviour from his identity, iyswim.

thanks avalon - brilliant idea. would also empower the idea of drawing as outlet for his feelings rather than just documenting experiences which seems to be the case at school.

shrub, it sounds like you are already doing the right things anyway to boost his self-esteem. As avalon has said, do try to get him back to drawing or maybe you could draw something and say you need his help with colouring it in as he is so good at that. And as WWB says, lots of praise and encouragement I'm sure will make him feel more confidrent. Hope he starts to feel better soon.

hi shrub,
so sad to read this,other kids can be so horrible. Perhaps you could get your son to enter a drawing competetion in his favourite comic and pretend he has won the competetion (you buy the 'prize') it might boost his confidence.

Shrub, there are also books for kids, which help them deal with some emotions( like anger, fear, shyness, etc..) in a humourous (sp)and friendly way. I've no idea whether this is appropriate. I wonder if you might find one that your ds could identify with. They are kind of "read together" but the pictures were something that my dd really identified with, cartoon type, but what I think helped her was that the book was a way of showing her that lots of people feel like her. In her case, it was mainly fear... too frightened to go to the loo alone (at the age of 7)!

Keep doing what you're doing - I'm sure you'll find ds grows out of it to a large extent.