My brother's DDs are 9 and 7. The 9 yo has had a problem with food since she was about 6 - she is tiny and light as a feather. The 7 yo, who is perfectly 'normal' for her age, is now taller and considerably heavier than her older sister. My brother and his partner split about 4 - 5 years ago. It has been a horrific breakdown and the kids have been affected a lot by it. The eating problems are clearly linked to it but as a family we don't know what to do!
To describe the problem, she's basically an incredibly fussy eater. She'll eat crisps, sweets, cucumber, chicken nuggets / other processed crap & McDonalds, but nothing else. She used to eat vegetables, sausages, roast chicken, shepherd pie - you know, homecooked food. When she was 6 / 7 her eating was really bad, then she started spending the week with my brother and her eating got loads better. He managed to get her weight up and eating regular dinners. The last few months though she's just got worse and worse and now won't even eat sausages - previously her favourite food. My brother says she's obsessed with food but won't eat. Although she doesn't say she's fat - thank god!
He's tried ignoring it, shouting, coaxing her, reward systems. He got the girls to take in turns choosing what they had for dinner (as it wasn't fair on the younger one always having dinner dictated by her older sister) but she wouldn't eat what she'd chosen. He is at his wits end and asked me for help. So I turn to you Mumsnet... (I don't have children, am TTC) Any suggestions?
The girls now live with my brother, because their mother can't look after them. The most immediate problem was that she wasn't taking them to school. She's never been to a parents evening or sports day. There has never been any regular pattern of the parents sharing care or having regular access, as she'll suddenly want them one minute, then cancel or not turn up, or ring my brother and demand he collects them straight away. It has caused absolute havoc and means my brother can't plan anything. If he didn't run around dropping the kids off etc, they'd never see their mother. Although personally I don't think this would necessarily be a bad thing, the girls adore their mum.
So my brother has the girls during the week and she has them some weekends. This has made my brother 'bad cop' because he makes them do their homework, eat a proper dinner, go to bed, go to school etc. Whereas their mum feeds them McDonalds (she can't cook), lets them run around the streets until god knows when and doesn't make them do their homework. Obviously my brother is playing the 'long game' and hoping that the girls will understand when they're older that he is looking after them properly, but at the moment he is having constant battles with them. He manages to get them into a routine by the end of the week, then they go to their mother's and it all goes out the window. Come Sunday evening they're back with him & going mad because he's trying to make them go to bed for school in the morning.
So it's quite clear that this stress is causing the eating problems, and I welcome any suggestions that deal with the source of the problem. However, anything that involves their mother just isn't going to work. She refuses point blank to establish a routine and has told my brother she feeds them crap because 'that's what they want'. He points out that all kids want to eat junk food but that as their mother it's her job to make sure they eat properly - and her retort is that while they're with her she decides what they eat.
I've given all this background info so you can see it's not just a case of 'fussy eating'. However, any practical suggestions that I can pass onto my brother to stop mealtimes being a warzone would be brilliant.
If you've got this far thank you so much for reading all this! Please help me help my brother and my beautiful neices.