How do we nip tale-telling in the bud in P1 DD?

[BirdyBedtime]

We recently had parents evening for DD who is in P1 (almost 6). The only negative was that she (and a small group of girls in her class) are tale-telling to the teacher for insignificant things (so and so won't let me wear have the blue pencil/isn't sharing/said something horrible to so and so/splashed me in the water tray etc). All for really minor things. The teacher wants to put a stop to it before it becomes nasty. We want to try and explain to DD why she shouldn't do it but it's difficult to then get across when she should tell the teacher (eg hitting etc). Has anyone else dealt with this?

Frankly, the teacher needs to deal with this as it's in school time, and she should have experience of it. It's VERY common for kids to tell tales at this age, and what seems like a minor issue to an adult may be a major one for a self centred child, as they ALL are at that age. Don't worry, she'll grow out of it.

I'd say you do need to talk to her as tale telling has contributed to my dds low self esteem. And I for one can't abide it. For example at weekend I picked dd up from a party (she's 7), a kid from her class ran straight up to me and said "at school dd does XYZ and at lunch she does this and she ALWAYS gets told off for this and did you know XYZ...." my dd sloped off with a sad little face an I simply replied to the child that it wasn't nice to tell tales. So what I'm trying to say is the same as the teacher really, if they don't stop when they're young they will end up doing I spitefully like this kid at the party who simply get kicks from it. I think it normal do kids to tell on others to a certain degree though x

I childmind a girl (5) who does this and to be quite honest I think it makes her feel like she's great. Like she's being a really good helpful girl in letting me know whats going on and following the rules. The child she tells tales on is no angel but he is not challenging either. It appears as though she enjoys seeing him be 'corrected' if that makes sense.

It comes across as very spiteful but she's only 5 so as irritating as it is I always remind myself that she is not meaning to be nasty.

I think it's much more about bigging herself up, rather than putting the other child down.

I deal with it by answering her tale with a question. For example "ChildA is playing with that toy and I want it first",

Me: "Ok, did you have the toy first?",

Her: "no".

Me: "Would it be fair to take the toy from ChildA, just because you want it?"

Her:"no...."

Me: "So what could you do?"

Her: "I could ask if I can have it"

Me: "Yes that is a good idea"

Obviously it never runs that smoothly but it's an example. I'm trying to encourage her to think through her problem first before running to me, and to see it from the other child's POV.

I think as adults, we confuse our children hugely about what they are supposed to tell us and not supposed to tell us.
The teacher needs to manage this much better.
You could tell your DD that there is no need for her to tell the teacher anything that isn't affecting her personally but I think that is quite a difficult concept to grasp and do we really want to teach our children not to tell if they see another child being teased.

Thanks all. I do think that, certainly in her case, she thinks she's being helpful rather than doing it to be 'big' in some way. It's trying to distinguish and then get across what she should be telling (hitting etc). Just another stage to deal with I guess. The teacher is dealing with it by talking to the girls individually and in groups so I think we'll get through it. I have been trying to turn it round ie "would you be happy if X told Mrs Y that you had taken the book from her" etc. Trying to encourage her to sort it out herself is a good idea and I think we'll work on that one.

"No one likes a snitch" .. that's what I tell my ds. Meanwhile, class teacher needs to be dealing with it there and then. I know what 'Chundle' means about causing low self esteem - happened to my son too. Mainly girls were doing it as I think they saw themselves as an extension of the teacher

they nearly all do this at this age, ime, and they soon grow out of it

I remember collecting ds once from his classroom, and him telling me he had to talk to the teacher first. We waited in a queue, and when we finally got to her, he said "Miss, Josiah's sitting on your desk and kicking the drawers"

actually if you go in any nursery/reception playground and stand next to the teacher you will be guaranteed to hear at least one of these a minute.

Is the teacher very inexperienced?