Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

7 year old ego trip

12 replies

mothersday · 04/04/2011 11:01

Does anyone have experience of 7 year olds behaving like egotistical autocrats? My daughter basically treats me like a servant (sometimes -not always). She assumes I am there to fetch and do for her. I know she is only a child and it's fair to expect your mum to look after you, but a little courtesy and respect would be nice too. Today on the way to school we had an argument because she ordered me peremptorily to turn the music up when I was asking her which clothes she wanted me to bring for an after school club this afternoon - and I'd just had enough of the arrogance and lack of courtesy/gratitude. I am a reasonably strict parent but a single parent so there is no other adult and she is an only child and I think views us both as having 'equal rights' as a result. On the other hand I have seen other children in larger families treat their mothers arrogantly as well.It's this assumption that they have a right to demand and that we should just do it. Does anyone have any views on this? I can't bear the selfishness and egotism and worry about how it will play out when she is older and has to deal with the real world, but I've run out of ideas about how to manage it without resorting to arguments which I don't think solve anything. So I decided to join Mumsnet and ask advice! Very grateful for any help.... Thank you

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Chundle · 04/04/2011 11:31

I have same problem with my 7 year old dd and we are 2 parent family. So I've started making her work for things as I will not be her slave anymore. For example I ask her to always take her breakfast dishes from table into kitchen, she never does thinking I will always do it. So this week after she had trotted up to third floor (got 3 storey house) I called her all way back down and asked her to do it! Very day she has forgotten and every day I call her down to do it! I also now let her put her own ironing away and have told her that when she starts speaking more respectfully to me then I will resume doing more for her!

TheVisitor · 04/04/2011 11:33

The line in my house that is trotted out on a regular basis is "I'm your mother, not your personal slave". I also state that I don't take orders from children, I only listen to polite requests.

Original poster

mothersday · 04/04/2011 12:02

thank you - I'm glad I'm not alone and I'll try those. Why do you think they behave like this? I wouldn't have dared speak to my mother the same way (actually I would have got smacked if I did ). I think there may be something about 'child-centred learning' in school which teaches them that their views are as important as an adult's and they have equal right to 'respect' - which, IMHO, kids don't

OP posts:

Hassled · 04/04/2011 12:12

It's really easy to get into the habit of doing the fetching and carrying just because it's easier - I have to fight the urge to go and find the shoes/PE kit/coat myself because I know I'll be faster and there won't be another bloody debate about it.

To an extent you have to pick your battles, but be consistent. Your DD's at the age where pocket money linked to doing certain chores would work well - and then removal of a % of the pocket money if there's significantly bad behaviour. I had a 10p a crime system with my oldest.

I don't think child-centred learning is the cause - teachers still demand respect and co-operation, and usually get it. And they're still very much in control of the direction the learning is taking - it's more about the child discovering facts for themselves rather than just being told facts. Learning through enquiry, rather than instruction. It works very well - measurably good results.

piprabbit · 04/04/2011 12:21

Have a look at some of the video clips on parentchannel.tv. They are short little clips dealing with various topics and there are several that might give you some ideas on how to handle your DD. Try "I want this, I want that", "How to get through to your child" or "Families working together".

BTW my 7yo DD is pretty much like this too - very inflated sense of her self-importance, but we are working on it .

Scootergrrrl · 04/04/2011 12:23

I'm so glad I'm not the only one with a seven-year-old diva! Watching with a lot of interest....

Chundle · 04/04/2011 12:26

Also I'm getting dd to organise herself for clubs now so if she doesn't get her bits ready when I ask her to for football training it's tough and we are late getting there - suprising she learnt this lesson after being only twice! My dd has ADHD as well and her organisation skills are awful so I try and teach her consequences now so she learns for later life

Original poster

mothersday · 04/04/2011 12:33

so why do we think it is then, that they behave like this? Maybe what looks to us like over-inflated sense of self-importance is actually healthy ? As i said, i would have been smacked when i was a child if i spoke to my mother the way my daughter does to me, and that's not ideal either ! It's true, Hassled, they don't speak to the teachers the same way - I work in the school too from time to time. I was just grasping at straws

OP posts:

southernbelle77 · 04/04/2011 13:20

Oh thank goodness this is common! My DD is almost 7 and is the same! I often find myself saying, 'I'm your mother, not your slave'! I now just say that if she can't ask me nicely then I can't do it for her! Been through the arguements about it stage and it made no difference! Ignoring her until she asks nicely has worked best! Still happens but she is learning (slowly but surely!) that she has to be nice!

NowWhatIsit · 04/04/2011 14:36

Same story with my 6 year old. If something drops he'll say 'Oh, its alright, mummy/daddy can get it' etc !
I think it's our fault (of course) for letting them think our world revolves around them, for example, all our leisure activities are based on what they like doing; or if we have divided some food between all of us, and they want more they now feel automatically entitled to our share too, because we have given it to them so readily in the past (Eg cake, strawberries, somethign treat-like, not main meals).

This is not how we were brought up - I remember hours of being trailed round adult activities, parties etc. Now it's me & DH bored at the playground/soft play etc.

I think it sends them all the wrong messages & me & DH are starting a revolution, going to be more selfish - join us!!

Cymar · 04/04/2011 20:53

From the age of about 3yo, both DH and I refused to do things for our 2 DC if we knew they could do it for themselves. As an example, DS is 6 and still wants to have this, that and the other, but I just ignore demands until he asks politely.

cory · 04/04/2011 21:03

I took a leaf out of FIL's book and asked ds "What did your last slave die of?" To which ds replied: "From not doing as he was told".

Flip