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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

bed time routines..where to start. (a bit long)

11 replies

CherryandWhite · 02/04/2011 21:31

I'm sure this has been covered a million times, but I'm going to ask anyway. So here goes...

DD is 9 weeks old. so far the 'routine' goes a little like this; I carry dd upstairs with me as I do ds (almost 5yo) bedtime stories at 7pm. DS goes to bed with very little fuss and always has done (touch wood!)

DD then comes back down with me and goes to sleep in her bouncy chair (in the lounge) around 8ish, sometimes later. She has feed between 10-11pm then goes into moses basket next to my bed. She settles relatively easily at this time.

OK so I guess the real question is, how do I change this so that dd is going to bed at bed time? I am aware that this can have an obvious answer but I am often on my own at this time as dh works shifts. Tbh I dont really know where to start. I have prepared ds, in that I have told him that there may be some disruption to bedtimes next week because his sister is moving into her own room etc. I thought it would be a good idea to do it next week as ds is off school and so can stay up a little later if need be and be able to sleep in in the morning iykwim.

So do I do the rock her to sleep and stay with her until she is asleep in cot or go straight into cc. I am aware that not everyone is a fan of this. I did it with ds, it took 4 nights (which were pretty stressful but well worth it in the end) I cant however remember how old he was when I did it.

I would welcome any advice/hints/tips/criticism as I really haven't got a clue where to start with this one!

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RitaMorgan · 02/04/2011 21:33

9 weeks is far too young for controlled crying, it's not recommended under 6 months.

I would try rocking her to sleep after your ds goes to bed. It sounds like you have a pretty good set up at the moment though!

Original poster

CherryandWhite · 02/04/2011 21:51

thank you.I am relatively happy with what we do at the moment. I would prefer for her to be in bed though rather than in the lounge with us. another issue is, when she wakes in the night I am finding it far too easy to pick her up and co sleep because I know this almost instantly settles her. I fear I am 'creating the rod' so to speak.

It's all so confusing. My heart says 'stick with what we are doing becasue I LOVE the cuddles and having her close', but the brain says 'you are going back to work in 3 months and need to have some kind of structure/routine'

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gallicgirl · 02/04/2011 21:55

You lucky sod!!!

My DD of 9 weeks spends most of the time after her last feed crying and I can't recall the last time I was in bed before 1am.
Perhaps start to introduce bedtime markers like bath?

RitaMorgan · 02/04/2011 21:59

You can't make a rod for your own back with a 9 week old - 3 months is a long time away. I got so much more sleep co-sleeping in the early months than I would have getting up and going to another room.

Original poster

CherryandWhite · 02/04/2011 22:09

you are right RM, that is part of the reason why I am a little reluctant to put her in her own room atm. I would be up and down I think (we are in a 3 floor house, she would be on the middle floor, me on the top) There have been a number of nights the last couple of weeks where dd has dropped her night feed, she has had a bottle at 11pm then stirred around 3 so i have put her in with me, then she has slept until 6am when she has breakfast. This has obviously had huge benefits for the entire family, not too tired mummy= happy mummy = happy family!

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Tgger · 02/04/2011 22:12

Hi there!
It's a tricky one, but it can be done .

I did it a little bit before 12 weeks. Decided to get DD down at 7.00/7.30 when DS (2 at the time) was going to bed. It took about 4 days as you say. I stayed in the room and just used my instinct when she cried re picking her up/patting/leaving her be a bit. I think I didn't pick her up/carry round for any long amount of time but I was lucky that she did settle without too much stress. I knew she was really tired and made sure she had fed really well before I got her down. I didn't rock to sleep as we had done this with DS and then it was really hard to stop!

It wasn't controlled crying- also agree far too young for this, but it was more gentle encouragement- there was some crying, but I saw it (like you) as being worth it and it was never full tilt, more tired crying. It certainly was worth, gives you the evening back and I even used to go out swimming once she was in her routine. She'd wake up for a feed at 10.30/11pm but not until then so it was fine to go out! And after a while she quit this feed and would go 7-2/3am.

Good luck!

RitaMorgan · 02/04/2011 22:19

At about 8/9 weeks I started putting my ds to bed in the bedroom rather than keeping him with us - I would feed him to sleep in bed around 8ish, then leave him there and me and DP would have dinner etc and then go to bed later.

I don't think you need to get a baby that young to self-settle, there's time for that later. If you can feed/rock/cuddle/dummy her to sleep then do it.

I had ds in with me until about 5 months when he was going 11-6 without a feed, then he went into his own room - so doing what works now doesn't mean you've made a rod and it will never change!

Original poster

CherryandWhite · 02/04/2011 22:32

thank you so much for your advice ladies. I think more than anything I am looking for reassurance, that by having her in with me/co sleeping now I am not starting a habit that will go on forever.

I think i am going to put her moses basket inside her cot in her room (which as yet she has never slept in- her room i mean not the moses basket) and try to settle her in there. give her a dream feed in there too. as for the rest of the night i may have to play that by ear (sp) it would be much easier to then put the moses basket in my room and have her upstairs with me, in case she wakes for a feed in the night, or just needs soothing back to sleep, however will she not then think that if she wakes in the night that mummy will just pick her up and put her into bed with her (or am I being naive thinking that she is this clever?!)

that was a little waffley, hope it makes sense.

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RitaMorgan · 02/04/2011 22:37

I don't think a 9 week old has such sophisticated thoughts... if she wakes up and needs you she's going to cry wherever she is, so it's more a case of whether you have to roll over to her or get up and go to her room!

I can also hopefully reassure you that my 8 month old is asleep in his own cot in his own room right now. When he wakes up for a feed at 6am I still bring him into bed with me to get a lie-in though

One other thing, you know having the baby in your room reduces the risk of cot death? Just another thing to consider before putting her in her own room.

Original poster

CherryandWhite · 02/04/2011 22:46

RM you are music to my ears

That settles it, I am as of Monday going to settle dd in her moses basket in her own room at a reasonable bedtime, regardless of how long it takes - dh is off work for 4 days so can occupy ds and explain why i have vanished for 4 days I will then give her her dreamfeed 10-11pm and put her back in her moses basket in my room and try my hardest to settle her in he moses basket if she wakes in the night rather than putting her in with me.

once again, thank you so much for the advice! I will report back in the week to let you know how I am getting on. I'm off to do dream feed now. I still get a little nervous at this time of the night and spend the next 15 mins saying in my headover adn over "please don't wake up, please don't wake up, please don't wake up"

Thanks again. Good night x

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Original poster

CherryandWhite · 06/04/2011 20:33

ok, so its Wednesday night and so far so good. Better than I expected actually. DD fell asleep after her bottle on Monday night so I carried her upstairs and winded her in her room (so that she would stir and be aware of where she was being put down). She went to sleep with very little fuss. She had her dream feed and then I took her up to my room in her moses basket where she spent the rest of the night with me. Last night needed a little more persuasion, but still went down with very little fuss and tonight the same. I am just making sure that she has her bottle as late as possible as she seems to fall asleep through it (but still takes a good feed) so that I cn put her to bed after it.

All three nights, apart from having to go in once to put her dummy in, she has slept no problem

I am so relieved. I had prepared myself for a real battle and (so far) she has been a really good girl

I am so glad I came on here for reassurance!

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