Growing up

[seedlessgrape]

Hi. First time here for me and I'm hoping for some advice. I've read the FAQs and will apologise in advance if I don't use the correct acronyms, etc.

My 11 year old DD came to me in tears tonight because she has noticed some hairs growing under her arms. I tried to reassure her that this was all part of growing up and that she will be getting hairs in other places very soon. I also tried to explain to her that whatever happens to her body over the next few years is exactly the same as I went through and therefore I'm well placed to understand, etc.

I don't think she was scared about hair growth itself but more confused of how her body is changing and what else is going to happen.

I don't know what advice I'm looking for but it would be useful to hear from other mothers as to how they and their own daughters dealt with these changes.

Thanks.

DD1 is 13 and has been very upset about growing up. AS hasn't helped!

She has taken each change quite hard and also been quite embarrassed to talk about them at times. Hugs, Mum/daughter time, frank discussions and lots of understanding have been my strategies. She's gradually accepted each change and is getting used to the idea that growing up is inevitable but does have its good points.

Can you think of a way to mark this as a good part of growing up for your DD. Is there a first you can do like a day out together, shopping trip or even an evening at the theatre? Something that helps her see growing up in a positive light rather than something scary she doesn't feel ready to do?

Haven't quite got to the hairy stage, but my advice would be to ensure that your DD is aware of what will happen in the future.
Periods would be my main focus, I really hope you've told her what to expect if not, do it.
Also, set her up with a little bag with sanpro and spare knickers in to take to school.

DD1 is 12 in two months. We have had the hair under the arm thing about a year ago and it was not too bad but when I starte to tell her that it meant other changes would happen too. She just totally refused that her breast should grow Fast forward to last week, just when I was racking my brain to find a way to tell her we needed to go and have a look at bras for her, she came to me saying "Mum, do not laugh at me but lately I am totally obsessed by bras!" so I think our timing was pretty good! We did talk about periodes several times in the past year as well, but I think it need to be done again as I do not think it will be too long before it actually happens.

I was very pleased that she was the one coming to me for the bra thing, not because it made it easier on me but because to me it meant she was confortable talking about it to me without me having to drag things out of her IYSWIM.

Thanks for the replies - glad to hear I'm not alone! I think I need to sit her down and have the chat - she told me she had a conversation with her dad (we are not together) and his girlfriend last year when they discussed periods, sex, etc. At the time I was grateful that I didn't have to do it, but now I think that maybe it wasn't such a good thing and we should have a Mum/daughter thing.

As for the day out suggestion, we are always out doing things together, just us, so I'm not sure this would work. Re bras - she is developing and has a bra or two but doesn't like wearing them. And periods.... Oh God, it's all happening too early!!!

Thanks again.

I also gave my daughter a couple of age relevant books about "growing up" when she was about 10. It meant she could read things as she felt ready without having to bring it up with me if she felt uncomfortable. There are some great ones with reviews on Amazon. Such as these www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=teenage+growing+up&x=0&y=0.

I followed it up with informal "chats" so she felt she could talk about anything she'd read. It seems to have helped, She's a very open girl, will discuss most things now(she's 12).

We did the talk last night and she now seems a little less worried, although she's dreading getting her first period and I had to re-assure her that even if this happens at school, there will not be blood running down her leg ending up in a puddle on the floor - where do they get these ideas from?

Thanks for the suggestion on books - good idea and, as you say, she can read them at her own pace and in private.

Thank you again.

TBH seedless, I think all girls think there will be a tell tale trickle. I did and I know my DD does.