DS refuses to socialise with other kids at all

[mamushi]

My lovely bright DS 2yr7mnths is very shy an clingy, which is fine for his age i think. Have started him in playgroup an he is coping quite well, but he is an absolute loner. He dosent cry but hovers round the staff an refuses to socialise. we have been going to a toddler group for nearly a year an he is the same there. He never leaves my side an never interacts with any other kids - even if they approach him - and that is after nearly a year in the same group. He will chat to adults and loves playing with his toys, and he will play with my sisters kids, the only ones he has ever played with ever!! It makes me sad to see him stubbornly refuse to interact with any of his peers! I dont want him to be a loner. has anyone else had this cos he is the worst one out of all the kids i see !!

My DD, 2.11 is the same, but slowly improving. We thought it was because she was behind with her speech so she felt intimidated maybe. But after a SALT assessment and an extra couple of months to grow a bit more her speech is on target. SALT said that alot of children have anxiety outside of their comfort zone ie. home.

She gave me alot of pointers to help eradicate it. One way to help is to bring the preschool environment to the comfort zone. So a girl or boy from preschool can come to your house, if this is possible, with their mummy so you make a friend too :) They then see that this child is friendly and that child can see that actually that lad aint too bad, iyswim.

They should then after a few sessions carry this over and at preschool recognise each other and slowly start to communicate with their peers more.

I had one girl over to my house a day before preschool and at preschool the next day she played brilliantly with her new friend.

HTH

I think I pushed my DD1 a bit into socialising with her peers before she was ready. She was a first child who preferred the company of adults. We were fairly new to the area, so I didn't know many people to invite round then, so this was generally in toddler groups. I'm sure ALBOC is right - it's easier to be friendly in a familiar setting.

She has grown up to be the polar opposite of a loner, if that's any help. She became more sociable in her own time.

Not at all unusual at this age, give it time and try to relax. Dd was quite shy and clingy at 2, very sociable by school age.

some are quieter than others. he's so young it really doesn't matter at this age - many of them are keener on staying close to those they know well and growing in confidence by spending time with those they are closest to. I wouldn't rush playgroup if it's not necessary but that's just my opinion. they change so much over the next few years I really wouldn't worry about him being a loner, although he might turn out to be one of those who have a few close friends rather than lots of less deep friendships - no bad thing

Does he have a key worker you could speak to at the playgroup?
My DD is a similar age and recently started at playgroup and came home and said the others don't play with her, so I spoke to the key worker about it. She was very reassuring and said that typically none of the younger ones at the playgroup really interact with each other at all, they follow others about and watch the older ones (the year who start school in Sept).

thanks for that!!! feel like a bit of an oddball when everyone elses children run off to the toys and play quite happily. Have been telling myself not to worry but you cant help it in the end :0/ Theres one worker ay playgroup who he knows from toddler group an she told me that he stops crying but just hovers around on his own. She has been trying to encourage him to stay with another little girl who came up from toddler group at the same time as him an who he knows by sight, and she is really sweet trying to talk to him an get him to come on the slide but he refuses, even when i'm not there. If i hadnt seen him play with his cousins i would be much more worried but i know he is capable of it.

Does he talk about the other children or seem interested in what they're doing (even if shy)? Or does he totally ignore them? How does he play with his cousins?

sometimes he watches other kids but not inteested really in what they doing. with his cousins- 3 boys who are all a bit crazy - he just runs around like a lunatic with them an gets v excited!

his talking is quite good an he talks to his cousins

He really does sound so much like my DD :) He is still young though. Once he turns three you will notice such a change. There is a big difference between 2 and a half and 3. They seem to morph into these little grown up children :)