Advice needed please with 11yo, Year 7 DD

[MamaG]

Hello lovelies. Am hoping for a bit of sound advice here.

Background:

Lived somewhere else until December 2009,then moved here. DD changed school halfway through Yr 6 and found it difficult tosettle in. Didn't really make friends. School mentioned Asperger's traits so we took her to a paed who said she didn't think so. We therefore just put it down to her changing schools/towns/everything.

Started high school in September and initially loved it. Again, didn't make lots of friends, tends to flit from one girl to the next. We had an issue a month or so ago when she was sent out of class for being cheeky, went to the looand another girl appeared with the teacher's HANDBAG that they went through, looked at her phone pics then each stole £1 out of her purse.

This was VERY out of character. Never had anything like this before. She was excluded for a day and was devastated by her actions.

Now she's back at school, the two girls that she had gotvery close to have been told not to play with her by their parents after they told them about the incident. She's found another girl to spend time with but I think she spends lot of time alone.

School (high school this time) have said they think she's displaying autistic traits,so I've gone back to GP andasked for a referral to CAMHS to see what they think. An example they used as when, 30 mins before lunch in class, teacher asked if she was eating. she replied "not yet" - they said they would have expected yes or no (?)

I just don't know what to do. She DOES seem different to other girls her age.

She's very clever, amazing memory for facts, shite at maths. She's friendly and confident but just doesn't seem to make friends.

Every day I have to tell her brush your hair, brush your teeth etc - if i don't tell her she simply won't do it. In a lot of ways, she just doesn't appear "switched on". I'll tell her to tidy her room andfollowher up 10 mins later to find her laid on teh bed reading. She's quite lazy with "jobs" around the house, sulks a lot and needs constant chivvying.

She's my PFB so Idon't know if this is typical of 11yo girls (August baby).

If anybody could give me ANY advice, I'd be very grateful.

Thanks

Hey MamaG, welcome back.

We moved dd in y2 and y5, and then of course she went off to secondary. She is exactly the same age as your dd, August baby too. She's not entirely settled yet either. She says she doesn't mind being alone at school as she wants to sew, read and learn her songs, and just isn't interested in giggling about boys and make-up (which is what she says the other girls do). She tends to be friends with boys more than girls, as they are "more sensible" (just you wait.....).

DD is also very lazy about chores and anything else she can get away with being lazy about.

I recently just stopped asking her to do anything. I didn't remind her about homework, hair brushing/washing, shoes blah blah blah. Lasted a week and then had a chat with her the day after she realised at 9pm that she had homework due in the next day.

Now we have established rules again and she's happier and doesn't get upset when I remind her of things - but so far I haven't really had to. She's 'taken responsibility' within the limits that I have set.

I wouldn't recommend removing the boundaries as I did; it was a desperate measure when dh told me I was being unreasonable for doing what you do (I don't agree that I was btw, but without his support I was stuck). However, the boundary-lessness lasted a week and that was enough to demonstrate what a nightmare it was.

(Oh, I told her I what I was doing btw so she was completely clued up.)

Glad other people thought it harsh on MamaG - responses like that really put me off ever starting a thread asking for advice

Good news that the SENCo is going to mediate MamaG - hope it works out okay.