moved abroad, 4 year old hates nursery.what to do?

[mrsmazarib]

hello, just wondering if anyone has experience of moving abroad with a young child?
We moved to the middle east a month ago to live with dh's family. My daughter has visited here every year and is familiar with the family and area. We started her at a local nursery, the best in the area, they however have no experience of a child comming from abroad with a foreign language. My daughter has a very basic knowledge of the language (arabic) and is really struggling even though the teachers do speak english to her. This morning she refused to leave the car, even with her granny going to sit in class with her.
She cries at night saying that she dosent want to go, and is extremely distressed in the morning. I have to say, I did not expect her to behave in this way as she is so confident and outwith this nursery makes friends very easily. I feel terrible that we have uprooted her from the nursery she loved and just dont know how to handle the situation and make her feel secure. She loves every other part of life here, she misses her granny back home but apart from that is fairly settled.
She is to start school after summer, which is in the same building as the nursery, and am really worried that she will feel the same. I dont know what to do. Is it best to take her and walk away? Have a family member stay with her and hope she will settle? I have never had a problem leaving her at nursery before and am at a loss. Any advice would be welcomed...I am 5 months pregnant and am becomming pretty distressed also !!
Thanks,
Mrs Mazarib.

Hello,

I am originally from Scotland, but was living in Germany when my DC were born. We moved to Switzerland when DD was 6yo and DS was 4yo.

It was hard on them at first, but they have both settled very well and are happy here.

How long does she stay in nursery? Could she do less hours?

Does she cry all the time when she is there, or just at drop off time?

I have always been quite tough with the DC, and made them go to nursery, as I knew that when they were there, they were fine. The parting is difficult, but 5 mins later they would be playing away happily.

I would phone and speak to the nursery nurse 30 mins after leaving them and see if they were ok.

I also feel that children need continuity, and that chopping and changing is not good. For this reason, persevering for a couple of weeks may well be necessary.

The other thing I would suggest is seeing if there is a child in the nursery who she particularly likes - and inviting for a playdate.

I cut her hours down for a while and gradually build them up again once she gets into her stride with this. I wouldn't stop though.

Poor little thing, are you helping her at home with the language?

She will be missing her friends and her surroundings - that's totally normal. Just be patient with her and talk to her about how she feels and that it is ok to feel like that.

I moved my daughter from a nursery (only moved within London) and she is almost 4. It took her at least 4 weeks to settle. (not even having language etc as an issue). It was harder for her than i thought (also very confident) and she missed her old nursery/friends/key workers very much. The nursery used to phone me every morning, she would settle after 15 minutes, i organised playdates with the "new" girls so that she would start to integrate. It was a difficult time, but she is settled now (although still speaks of her old place etc). I think you need to ask if she settles at all, if she is distressed when you lealve but then settles? That was what allowed me to progress, and also knowing that she was starting a new school, so i needed to deal with the change as we would have change again later in the year.
CAn you invite some new friends over / her key workers?
BY the way my daugther went through a week of being very distressed at night/morning and then that went.
It was the most difficult time i went through so i feel your pain!

I think the being abroad and language thing is probably a red herring.
Lots of children are exactly the same when they start nursery. You only have to look through threads here to see that.
If your daughter will have to go to school in the same place fromSeptember, then I'd say you should persevere. Because if you pull her out, then she has to go back in September, it's going to start all over again. Plus, she has chance to get to know some of the children she is going to be with in the school.

At 4, there will probably be something very specific that is upsetting her. It won't necessarily be the obvious. Talk and talk and talk and listen and listen and listen and somehow try and winkle out of her what precisely is bothering her.

thanks very much for all your replies..as it happens today, once my hubby and mother in law mananged to get her out of the car and into the nursery she settled 2 minutes after they left. she told me she had a great day..came out all smiling..so i guess we take it slowly slowly a day at a time.
yes she is getting help at home with arabic..as am i !! i think it is a hard time for all of us and this is probably affecting her behaviour.
i was worried that by leaving her crying i would possibly make her worse..whilst by staying with her may of caused her to become dependant on us being there. i think dump and run seems to be the best option at the moment, as hard as it is !!
thanks again
mrs mazarib