dd1 again!!!

[CherryMonster]

i am past knowing what to do now. when she is good she can be lovely, and the most wonderful little girl. she has just turned 6. when the mood takes her she can be absolutely horrendous. she has been excluded from school 5 times in 1.5 years. she went back on wed after a 10 day exclusion for hitting. i have just had to fetch her again after she tried to strangle another child and stabbed a teacher with a pencil. she had thrown all the tennis balls and bean bags all over the hall, and pulled all the mats out (no idea how she had the strength to do that, she is tall but there is nothing to her) i have just had to drag her all the way home, kicking, biting and scratching me. this is the first time she has attacked me like this. i dont know what to do, i love her, but at the moment i hate her. i had given up smoking 2 weeks ago, but have just caved in and had one. i am in bits.

I think you need to seek professional help and support. I am bumping this for you, but others will be better placed to say where you can seek that help. Sorry I don't have answers for you.

They excluded a 6 year old for ten days??!

Do you think she could have some kind of special needs?

Um... I think you need to be talking to the school about how they are going to manage her behaviour at school and how you can work together to help your DD.

I agree with Senorita. You need to see your GP and ask for a CAMHS referal for her. Is she having problems at school? Does she behave like this at home?

When she is calm have you talked to her about consequences? being excluded from school is not a punishment for a child who may not like it there. is she deliberately trying to get excluded?

Can you find a punishment that will mean something to her?

Wow :( I think I've seen some threads of yours before (did SS get involved or am I thinking of someone else? Sorry if so) and it sounds really tough.

You don't mention any diagnosis - there must be something, surely?

Might sound a bit woo but food intolerance? One of my school friends was a totally different person after changing her diet (I think she dropped all artificial additives)

she is with camhs already, their psychiatrist assessed her last week and doesnt think she has adhd, but some kind of sensory overload. i have tried consequences but they dont work. 5 minutes after she has kicked off she has forgotten about it, and never seems to realise what she has done. she calms down pretty much instantly. she is not like it at home, yes all the behaviours are there, but on a much much lower level. she has always been very fidgetty and restless, even when she sleeps. yes, this was her 2nd ten day exclusion, the others were 2 four days, and one 6 day. as far as i know, there are no academic problems apart from her disruptive behaviour is causing her to fall behind. she is very very bright, and we are awaiting statementing. i dont know what to do next.

i cant afford to change her diet, i am a lone parent of four, she is the second youngest. ss did an assessment when the doctor referred me to them as he thought i could do with some support. they did nothing.

You might also want to contact your local parent partnership. Your daughter's behaviour might be unacceptable, but exclusion is not eh answer either. Please get her some professional help quickly - I would be getting the school to do something, and getting a referral from my GP. Good luck!

i will be ringing parent partnership in a little while. db has just gone to the shop, and i will go upstairs and ring them when he gets back.

If it's a sensory problem then a large school isn't the right place for her. She's showing you (and the school) that she's unable to cope. Can you home ed her? Move her to a smaller school? I really wouldn't send her back to be honest, it's just not fair on her, you, the teachers or on the other children.

i cant home ed her, i am not organised enough and wouldnt have the first idea where to start. i would love her to go to a smaller school, but there isnt one round here. i am just gutted that she has hurt me for the first time, i have bruises on my shins where she kicked me, and a big blood blister under my finer nail. my hands and wrists are killing me from keeping hold of her on the way home, i have arthritis in them and they are really sore now. she was shouting that when she grew up she was going to tie me up on the road so i would get run over.

There's a home ed section on here, they will be able to help. All of the info you need is online as well. Sorry but you need to think of a plan incase they exclude her and this is your best bet until you think of something else.

Oh sweetie, I can't advise you, only send hugs (useless I know). Of course you are gutted.
She doesn't mean it, you know that.
I know people with a violent adopted child, and they had to really fight hard for and insist on help for her. Don't be palmed off, really demand help.

I think the school are failing her by excluding her and it does not sound like the right school for her.

DS2 has issues - he is like a volcano that can erupt at any random provocation. The school remove him from a situation if necessary and leave him to come out of it. They know that he can not control this and that he will be fine if left. He also is prone to throwing stuff and hitting out. He is always punished by the school but this takes the form of lunchtime detentions, not being sent home. ie he loses something fun rather than missing school.

Your DD probably doesn't mean to hurt you or really want to get you run over. DS2 (10) has got to the stage where, after a meltdown, he could apologise off his own back. He knew he'd just lost it and didn't real mean what he'd said and/or done. I also know that he can't help it and doesn't mean it which helps me a little :) It's still a nightmare if I have to force him into something but at least I know it isn't personal :)

If you want to rule out dietary issues, you could keep a diary of food v behaviour and see if there is a clear trigger. Of course, if it's something prevalent like dairy or gluten then this won't help but you never know.

she normally does apologise once she has calmed down. with regards to dd at school, they have said after the most recent exclusion that it obviously isnt working and they dont want to exclude her again, but this has been by far the most violent outburst. she can be set off by anything and nothing. i will keep a food diary, that could help. because its an open plan school its very hard to keep her in a room, and she often runs around the school tipping things over as she goes. i know its not my parenting because she is treated the same as her brothers and sister and none of them have issues like this. am at a complete loss here.

I remember telling you a year or so ago that this wasn't the right school for her, she's been having problems since reception hasn't she? If it's open plan then the noise must be unbearable for her as it's amplified.
Each child has to be parented differently, she has different needs to her brothers and sister so you can't compare them like this.

I'm afraid I have very little help to offer, but just wanted to say that I really feel for you. I know it doesn't help.

It seems to me that you need a proper diagnosis for her and then you will hopefully be able to access the help that you need. CAHMS have said that she definitely has some kind of issue? Can you persue it with them and also contact social services again?

I do agree that it sounds like she possibly isn't in the best school for her needs.

i am looking into AS now, just reading about it.

It's a good idea to look into Apergers, you need to have a think about what you're going to do in the mean time though.

ok you need to go back to the school look them in the eye and tell them that each time they exclude your 6 year old they are personally failing a small vulnerable child. The Senco should be working with you to help you figure out your daaughters difficulties. A 10 day exclusion is ridiculous and i think any exclusion for such a young child is silly. They are wimping out of getting to the bottom of the real issue. hope you get it sorted hun. perhaps ask for advice in the Special Needs section they will have lots of experience

ok, am reading the articles now. i have to say, much of it sounds exactly like dd1. she wont be going back to school for the time being, we have a multi agency meeting next week.