Please help, I don't know if I'm being PFB or not!

[AgentFarnell]

Hi! I don't have much experience with toddlers behaviour (other than my own!) and don't know how unreasonable I'm being! I have a very good friend, we get on really well and see each other at least once a week. She has a DD who is close to her second birthday. My DD is 16 months. My problem is that although her DD is a lovely clever little girl, she can get rather physical with my DD.
By this I mean she constantly snatches whatever toy DD is holding, pushes DD so hard she often falls and hits her head on the ground, and hits her. It's not like she does it constantly, but there is usually at least two
occasions per visit. Her mum does make an effort to discipline her (tells her she's being naughty and asks her to apologise) although I must admit
I would probably be stricter if it was me doing the disciplining!
My problem is that DD has started to visibly flinch whenever she is near friends DD. She then either clings to me or spends her time giving other child a very wide berth. I'm getting a little tired of seeing her so upset and recieving bruises (this has happened a couple of times).
I do genuinely enjoy my friends company and don't have many other mummy friends. I know that children can be naughty and this is a learning curve for her DD, but I just don't know what to do about the situation? Is this just normal behaviour for a child of that age? As I said, I don't have much children experience, however another friend's DS is also almost two, and does not do this (he mostly ignores her!).
If I am being PFB, is this behaviour I should expect soon with my DD? And how is best to deal with it?
Apologies for thelong post!

Oh, it is hard, isn't it?

I've seen a few of ds1's little friends go through a hitting phase and it is a nightmare. Now they are all 4 and have long since grown out of it thank God. A lot of kids don't do this though, so don't worry.

If you want to keep up the friendship, just do what you are doing and keep your lo near.

Thank you nethunsreject I just hate to see her so scared but in the back of my mind I'm thinking 'DD could end up just as naughty!'

Hello. What I would do is intervene a bit more yourself rather than waiting for your friend to intervene (if you think your friend is maybe a bit lax/slow in intervening).

If you do this sensitively and in a kind of non direct way- eg say something like "Hey A!, B is playing with that at the moment (take toy back and give back to B), why don't you come over here and have this exciting thing instead?"t

Snatching is NOT ALLOWED- this is fundamental, so I don't think your friend should object, she really should start teaching her daughter this- it takes a while, but if they are reprimanded EVERY time they snatch they stop snatching- well on a good day!

Pushing is also a no no, and I would be strict on this too- it's so hard isn't it when you are friends and your friend doesn't react though (been there).

Maybe you need to have a bit of time out from this friend. Her toddler is being very normal, but sounds like she isn't disciplining her enough. If you have time out then you can see things afresh and maybe the children will have moved on in their behaviour. Just be busy for a couple of weeks

It's fair enough for you to discipline your friend's child by telling her not to snatch - it's not as though you're going to start smacking her or anything and apart from anything else it presents a united front to the child. She needs to know that these rules are universal and applied by everyone, not just her wildly unreasonable mother!
Also, yes, yours will probably behave this way when she encounters smaller children - it seems to be a pecking order thing!