Explaining death in a non-scary way?

[Caththerese1973]

My dd, as young as she (she's only 2 and a half) sometimes seems worried about the concept of death. Eg asks me when I will die, when granny will die, etc. Also wonders if a stray cat she befriended who then disappeared has died.
I've tried putting this in terms of 'you got to heaven and it's lovely there!' but I feel she is still anxious.
I know she is little, but are there any non-scary ways to talk about death with very little children?
I am a lapsed Catholic, byt the way, but still say prayers at night with dd. Only very basic, rather silly prayers though, like :'Thank you God for not letting our car break down today' or 'thanks God for the nice time we had at Granny's'.
I do want her to have an idea of God, but not in a scary fundamentalist sort of way. Just a sense of a higher power looking after her, I suppose, which is what I have always had, and has always been very helpful to me.
What do others think?

My dds got the concept of the body dying but not the soul. They wonder where heaven is and why no scientists can find it!

There are some nice storybooks that do this in a sensitive manner caththerese. If your dd is familiar with Mog, Judith Kerr's sweet but dim pussycat, the final book in the series has Mog dying and explores what happens in a suitable way for small children.

When a family friend died last year, we read our dds (4 and 2 at the time)"No Matter What" by Debi Gliori. It's a wonderful, gentle story that explains that love is unconditional and lasts forever, even when people die. It's not overtly about death, but gave us a way to talk about the things that children worry about regarding death - people no longer being around (extension of separation anxiety, I think), not being loved anymore. In fact, it is such a lovely story, my dds enjoy listening to it at bedtime - it hasn't just been confined to use when people die.

As far as the religious aspect goes, I'm not the best person to offer advice. I really don't know if there is a God or life after death. I do believe, that if a child is old enough to come to you and ask a question, they deserve honesty. You can still be age appropriate and honest, I think. When our friend died, it brought it home to me that the reason I found it difficult to talk about death with my children was that it is a subject that makes ME uncomfortable. They were remarkably accepting about the whole thing.

we told ds1 that his grandfather didn't live with us and MIL as he got sick and tired and went to be a star in the sky, then we took him outside that night and pointed to the first star we could all see and said that was him and he was always watching over us, but still MIL was a bit sad sometimes that he had gone. He didn't remember FIL though and wasn't around when he was dying.

That seemed to do the trick, but he has no concept of other people's mortality yet.

DS went through a similiar phase, lots and lost of questions. 'will you still love me when you're dead' was a notable one.

I told him that we are not alive before we are born, ('made' by Mummy and daddy') then we have a time alive - now - and then we stop being alive, and we don't know about it - just like he didn't know about himself before he was born. That it's all part of one journey.

I told him that I would always love him. Even if I wasn't alive, he would remember me in his heart and know that I had always loved him.

All fine, except that now he is wondering if the planes crash into people in heaven because they are in the sky - due to an enthusistic nursery teacher.

I honestly think that if you tell them whatever YOU believe, they will absorb as much as they are able to understand, be gappy with that, and let the rest wash over them until a later date. Like learning about birth.

My oldest (4.5) asks and is concerned about this too. I try to be totally honest and say that everybody dies sometime and mostly you have to be very very old (older than great granny who's nearly 81) to make a space for a new baby. I'm not religious at all so I can't really do heaven chat but I love the idea of gone to be a star - I must be hormonal, brought a tear to my eyes.

great book for children to explain death- waterbugs and dragonflies by doris stickney.

a bit like the story of a caterpillar becomming a butterfly.....it's very christian (ie ressurection) but I think it's a lovely way to explain death ...unless you believe there is nothing, no heaven, no future life etc...then I honestly don't know what you'd do.