How would you deal with a 4.7 year old who just punched his younger brother repeatedly in the back?

[bintofbohemia]

I have two boys, one is 4.7 and the other is 2.7. They both bicker and wind each other up but usually DS1 isn't overly violent/physical with his younger brother (more sly digs than outright hitting.)

I just left the room for two minutes and I heard DS1 cry so I assumed DS2 had done something to him. I leaned over the banister to see DS1 chase DS2 and punch him 3-4 times in the back so hard it echoed.

I am so furious with him and had to put him in his room for a bit before giving him a very stern talking to about how we do not hit in this house. Turns out DS2 had drawn on his face which is what made him do it but it seemed like a completely over the top response.

He's now not allowed to play on Cbeebies on the computer at all this weekend (he usually gets 20 mins a day) but I really want him to get his head around the fact that this is totally unacceptable. His main friend at school is a really naughty boy who is quite physical, pushes and throws stones and I'm worried it's having an effect on him, because generally he's ridiculously well behaved in school and has never been vicious like I saw him this morning.

Any advice?

I think maybe your issue is exactly that you don't have a procedure to deal with bad behaviour, if you see what I mean. You need to come up with a consistent response and stick to it.

123 Magic is really good. Be fine for both boys.

As to the current misdemeanour, I think your punishment is OK. But I would use this as a springboard to introduce some proper behaviour management.

I'd use time out on a naughty step and a sticker chart to reward good behaviour
I'd also put the pens away

We do use time out and 123 etc, withdrawal of toys/priviledges.

I just feel that whilst that is all well and good with more minor things, but what I saw this morning felt like a slightly different league and I feel like the response therefore needs to be different?

DS has responded like this on occasion. It seems to be from utter frustration rather than calculated, but does not make it right.

I tend to separate my children, putting him somewhere for a time out to calm down, checking my DD is okay.

Then I go and talk to him when an appropriate time has passed about how this behaviour is not allowed, even if he gets very angry, and ask him how he would feel if someone did it to him, and then ask him how he thinks his sister felt having it happen to her.

If the situation was grave enough, so perhaps the second occurrence that day, in I might remove a privilege or toy for a set time, but usually just taking time apart to calm down and talking about it is enough. If it has happened more than once in a day, I also tend to find separate play for them to get involved in as I figure they need some time apart.

Then I have him apologise to his sister.

At his age, I would be inclined to do a more instant telling-off/punishment and then forget about it. In fact, I'd do what Olessaty describes: separate, talk, forget.

We have a policy in this house not to let the sun go down on our wrath (unless it is really really necessary). In particular, all fallings-out between family members need to be sorted out quickly.

Leaving your ds to seethe with resentment against little brother all weekend ("if it weren't for him, I'd have CBeebies") is unlikely to make him much friendlier towards him.

And no, punishments don't necessarily have to be stepped up in exact proportion to the misdemeanour. Sometimes a child who has done something unprecented will be so aware of the fact that he hardly needs a punishment at all; just talking it over can be punishment enough.