How can I help ds (4) with his nightmares?

[LiegeAndLief]

Ds's sleep has been getting worse (obviously because 19mth dd has finally started to improve!), culminating with him being awake from 11:30pm until nearly 4am one night last week. When he wakes he says he's had bad dreams and doesn't want to go back to sleep.

He's always settled happily by himself but now gets tearful whenever we try to leave him, saying he's scared of his dreams and they come every night. He has favourite teddies in bed with him and a nightlight.

I've tried talking to him about happy things he could think of as he goes to sleep, so that he can have happy dreams. I've thought about getting him a dreamcatcher or something but I'm worried that he will still have nightmares and then not believe anything I tell him! Any tips? He is so upset and I feel completely helpless.

With my DDs (both very vivid dreamers) I've tried the following with some success with each:

New soft toy bought specifically 'to make the bad dreams go away'. This one worked with DD1 when she was 3 and if she has bad patches of nightmares now we go back to it and remind her what the toy's job is.

DD1 will tell me what her nightmares are about, I then continue a story with the characters but make it funny/ridiculous etc. This helps her not dwell on the particular dream and also helps break the 'straight back to sleep and back into the same dream' cycle. This doesn't work with DD2 as she won't say what hers are about.

Other than that just hope it's a phase - DD1 certainly has less nightmares now than she used too. Unfortunately DD2 awake about every other night with hers at the moment...Good luck.

ds1 went through a phase of this around the same age
used to just come into bed with us and would fall asleep, which i didn't mind because despite it being a bit cosy with all of us in there, at least i got some sleep!

then he just gradually stopped doing it

Unfortunately he won't/can't tell me what they're about (silly boring scary things is as much detail as I get) and, although dh and I would happily get into his double bed and fall asleep there, he just doesn't go back to sleep even with one of us there and can be awake for hours! I think he is worried about the dreams coming back. Maybe we should try the special teddy thing.

Thanks for your replies, at least you have given me hope that "it's just a phase"...

I gave DS my old bear and told him he is magic and can scare away the bad dreams, and look after DS. Helps that its actually true :)

Just check there's nothing in the room that might be causing it. dd1 at that age seemed to be having recurring mightmares about spiders in her bed. Suddenly we realised that the swirly pattern on the sheet, while so beautiful during the day, looked like a very large spider once it was dark. Problem solved.
dd2 went in for temper tantrums in her sleep. "I will NOT be in the buggy." She'd scream. I could talk into her dream and tell her she wasn't in the buggy and I didn't want her in the buggy and she'd go back to sleep without really waking up. Very funny!

Another one who had a 'special' soft toy bought specifically to keep monsters and whatever away (luckily long before Monsters Inc came out!!)... worked very well.

It is just a phase - and it will pass :)

I posted an almost identical post the other day and a very kind poster suggested that I buy a book called Silly Billy (about a boy who worries about bad dreams) but who gets better once he gets some 'worry dolls'. These are little Guatemalan dolls you can get, you tell them all your worries and then you put them under your pillow and legend has it that they do all your worrying for you.
I did as she suggested and it has been like a miracle (I bought the book and some worry dolls, all off ebay). I don't believe in new age things really but this has been fab - even as I read the book to my DS it was like he had a lightbulb moment, he smiled and said 'where can I get a worry doll' and touch wood, he has been a million times better at going to bed. He still has bad dreams sometimes but generally he worries less about them overall. I have explained that the dolls can't stop the dreams but they can worry about the things in them for you... PS I want some now

Is it possible he's having night terrors? The fact he doesn't want to go back to sleep afterwards suggests not (children with night terrors almost never remember what upset them, whereas your DS clearly does because he doesn't want to go back to sleep).

But the fact that he can't remember the dreams, and the time they start, do point to night terrors. Is he very sweaty when you go to him?

It might be worth checking it out with your GP in any case. My DS (3.5) gets full blown night terrors, and the disturbed sleep was affecting his daytime behaviour. The GP prescribed him a short course of very mild sedative which helps him get into a deep sleep before the night terrors can kick in.

It may be that your GP would suggest something similar for your DS? I understand that when toddlers do wake at a regular time then sedatives are more effective when given just before the normal waking time, rather than at bedtime.

Alternatively, when I was a little girl my Mum used to say a rhyme to me every night before I went to sleep. It always worked for me. It went like this:

All good creatures of the day
Keep the nasty dreams away
All good creatures of the night
Keep darling Cinnabar safe and tight
Love bubble, love bubble, burning bright
Keep my Cinnabar safe and tight
Guard her well, all through the night
Because I love her so
Witch's spells and witch's rhymes
Go round this house a hundred times