Incredibly aggressive 2.2yr old boy

[Marnie74]

My "little angel" has got more and more aggressive recently, to the extent that he lashes out at me, grabs my glasses off my face, tries to bite me, pulls my hair etc when he's being told off. He is definitely at the frequent tantrum age - if I ask him or tell him to do something he doesn't want to do, eg put on his coat, get into the car/buggy, keep still while I change his nappy, come to the table for dinner, he throws a wobbly and everything has become a bit of a battle.......
He's also started throwing his toys about the place ALL THE TIME. Again I have told him that "we don't throw" and taken toys away from him but to no avail. He still thinks it's ok to do so.
But recently he has become quite violent towards me (and his father I might add). I always try and hold his arms/hands to prevent him from hurting me (which he has done in the past) but I find it very difficult to do without actually being aggressive myself iyswim. I am also guilty of slightly losing my rag on occasion and have been known to shout at him.....
I'm writing this having just dragged the poor child away from a playground literally kicking and screaming as we had to leave. He didn't want to. After spending 15 mins trying to persuade him to come, I picked him up. He had a major meltdown, grabbed my glasses and I absolutely bawled at him "NOOOOOO". All the other mums went silent and looked horrified as I carried him to the car. Hideous behaviour. Me not him.
Can anyone put my mind at rest and tell me it's "normal" toddler behaviour and probably just a phase that should pass.....?
And maybe suggest ways of disciplining him/managing his behaviour/ensuring I don't lose my temper so quickly...?

If it's any comfort I have the same with my 2.4yr old DD. I just totally lost it with her as she will not let me clean her up after a giant teething poo. Now I feel absolutely terrible. No excuses really in my part, apart from having an 8 week old and I'm probably knackered. However, all day long we must have about 50 + tantrums and by this time I'm looking at clock willing DH to get home!

I know the advice is just to distract but sometimes it does not work with my beautiful but strong willed little devil angel!

My son is the same age and if he cant have something he wants he will scream in my face. I say "Oh are you having a tamturm because you cant have that?" then i hug him tell him i love him and that i said no because - and i tell him the reason. Then i say we cant always have what we want and kiss him.

If you remain calm, acknolodge his feeling and explain the reason then move on to something else/distracted him, it normaly works.

I'm hoping its a phase and i dont see many 8 year old acting like that

thanks for the replies, much appreciated. Good to know that others can confess to losing the plot on occasion. Not big or clever, I know, but it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only mother from hell (no offence blanchedevereaux!)

Thanks for the advice Snowdropfairy, I will try to remember to stay calm. Difficult under certain cicumstances, like when he's deliberately hitting me in the face with a megablock.

Anyway, at least I've calmed down now. This is the first time I've posted and quite frankly just writing it down has helped.

Thanks Mx

Dd was like that. She is quite civilised at 14 . It will pass. Perhaps better to get it over with quickly. Ds who was a sweet little toddler is actually a little more difficult as a pre-teen.

Hey, it's normal . At the moment DD (27 months) has daily tantrums when I have to remove her from older brother (4.5)'s nursery playground. It's embarrassing as all the other Mums are there, but I'm kinda getting used to it and many give me knowing looks (they've been there too!).

I wouldn't spend 15 minutes trying to persuade, I think one or two warnings is enough and then pick up and leave calmly whatever they are doing. Often DD is struggling and shouting "put me down!!!" when I pick her up, only for me to put her down and her to bawl "CARRY!!". It's totally normal 2 year old behaviour.

What you can change is your reaction to it, I think if you start to see it as normal and detach yourself a teensy bit from it that could help you stay calm. Also, is he getting enough sleep. My DD becomes a monster when she is tired- challenging is normal, but tired = MONSTER!!!!

I think Tgger is right. My dd (2.4) is being totally irrational at the moment, tantruming about everything. But I have a four year old too, so I simply don't have time to give a lot of attention to it and I tend to just shrug when she goes off about me giving her the cracker she just asked for (sigh) and wander off.

My ds was an impossible 2 year old - he hit, threw things constantly, ran away and I was constantly carrying him away from places kicking and screaming under my arm. He started getting more reasonable from about three and is quite easy to take out as a four year old. I think 2 is just a stage you have to survive - you can't really change them before they are ready.

I could have easily written your post - useful to have advice on this. I shout too,

Marnie, don't think all the other mothers were disapproving. They are probably just relieved that it was you not them.

I have been very, very lucky with DD, she is 3 next month and only had a few big meltdowns in her life, but they are crackers! Usually I never engage, just shrug and say "Sorry, that's the way it is". If that doesn't work I will "cry" myself and say "Oh I know, it's awful!" I'll also walk out of the room and then do something distracting - put the TV on, say "Ooh look at that bird/bee/spider!"

That's in the house though, outside is obviously much harder. She threw a major wobbly in the supermarket because she couldn't have sweets, but it was her first time walking round and she was tired and hungry, plus she could see the damn things in the basket (thanks DP ) all the way to the checkout. I stayed calm but DP was mortified. What did he expect???

I shout too, I have a horrible intolerance for screechy noises, so much so that DD says "Mummy dont shout"

"I'll also walk out of the room "
Yes, that works very well for us. The tantrum continues for a bit, then things go quiet and finally there are footsteps and a little face will peer round the door at us, having forgotten all about what bothered him...