Please help! I need alternatives to the naughty step.

[BornToFolk]

DS (3.5) is going through a trying phase with lots of tantrums if he doesn't get his own way.
In the past, we've used the naughty step as a sanction (amongst other things) but it's not working. I'm at a loss of what to do.

For example, this morning, he asked for Weetabix for breakfast so I made him Weetabix, put it on the table and he came to sit up and started whinging that he didn't want Weetabix. I told him that he'd asked for it so he had to eat it. He got angry and picked up the bowl and slammed it down, spilling milk everywhere. I picked him up and took him to the naughty step, and told him to sit there for 3 mins.

He was OK about sitting there but after 3 mins, I went to get him and ask him to say sorry and come back to the table and he refused to say sorry so I told him to stay there and that's where it got messy! He shouts, I shout, he's given lots of chances to say sorry and come and sit back at the table but he refuses and stays in the hall, throwing shoes around etc.

Eventually, he calmed down and ate his breakfast. When he was finished, I gave him a cloth and told him to wipe up the milk he'd spilt.

I've read "How to Talk..." and I like it but I just don't think it would work in situations like this. He actually likes to clean up so if I'd have given him a cloth as soon as he'd made a mess he wouldn't have been bothered! But he still would have made a fuss about breakfast...

Argh! What can I be doing? He's generally very good - 2 years was a breeze but since he's been 3 his behaviour has got worse and I feel unprepared for it!

What should I have done this morning?

Yeah, he's my first...could you tell? I need to re-read How to Talk. I got it a while ago, read it and thought it was brilliant, then lent it to my sister and haven't seen it again...

Cool! Well done- that's the sort of thing I do all the time- well when necessary, luckily not needed "all the time"

It's really annoying when they say or whine "I don't like/I don't want" but if you can bite your lip and sit it out remaining neutral/distracting as you did then often they will change their mind and eat- well my DS will. I have a rule that he has to sit at the table whether he's going to eat or not, sit and chat to me and then (if there has been a protest) see if he wants to eat. More often than not he will.

Re sanctions- we do ignoring small stuff and sent to his room for big stuff. At bedtime or near to it (bath time) we take away stories- he has 2 but goes down to 1 (or none if really bad!!) if he's naughty- he genearlly gets a warning before the story goes, but not always if the behaviour is very bad or repeat of something he's been told not to do a lot.

It's the sort of book that's different every time you read it, depending on how old your kids are. I've lent mine out lots of times and can't remember who has got it now..

A vote for unconditional parenting here too. You might not agree with everything in it or see how you can put it into practice in every aspect of your daily life but it does give you a different way of looking at parenting. I have three DC's and try to let them be in control of their lives where possible but with my 2 year old, I find it difficult / impossible sometimes!

We use the naughty step method for girl of 7 and boy of 2. The clincher is the stern glare, don't ask me why or how this works, just does.
After a couple of minutes child sitting on step (sulking or screaming, whichever) I go over and just look at them, don't say anything, don't touch them, I just stand there. Sometimes I get so angry I cannot articulate, so the first time it was because I just COULDN'T speak, then I saw the reaction: calms down, stops rolling around and screeching, stares back at me with sullen face. I don't ask for the "sorry mummy" they offer it themselves, then we resolve the incident and move on.
I work as a tutor in a college and this works on students too, even without the naughty step! Don't ask me, how - maybe The Force is with me...